who killed clark gable?

625539's picture

c'est la personne que l'on ne peut jamais se débarrasser, celle qui sait comment briser ton coeur et le remettre ensemble par la suite, celle qui, sans dire, a toujours les bons mots. c'est la personne qui sera toujours une constante dans une vie, qui a pris une partie de toi, à qui tu as donné une partie de toi sans rien avoir attendu quoi que ce soit en retour.

I want to want things again, I want to want beauty, to demand it, to be insolent towards the universe - to be strong. I want to be something I can be proud, something you could, maybe, be proud of.

I want to free myself from my adolescent demons, to escape my own delusions, my paranoia, my phobias. I'm tired of waking up and questioning reality, of thinking beauty is only in despair, that things are only wonderful once they end. I'm tired of living in made-up stories and narratives, of living to advance a plot line, of confusing fact and fiction, of debating which is important.

If a lie is repeated often enough, it becomes the truth - especially where the self is concerned. Feeling worthless makes you worthless.

I know the what and the why but I need the how.

Comments

elph's picture

I feel your unease...

In fact, I may have been there... don't really know :(

But, PLEASE, could you elaborate on what changes you would like to see that seem so out of reach?

And... more important... do you know why they lie "out there," but remaining inaccessible to you?

****

In case you have doubts... I'm confident that no one here sees you as lacking in any of the personal qualities requisite for your happiness and future success.

Let's make it happen!

jeff's picture

Hmm...

There is a potential trap in looking back at who you were, and looking ahead to who you want to be, because then your present is spent like you're watching a tennis match between the two, while you're not making progress.

You don't typically need to look into the future to chart things like this. Just find things you can easily change and do them, act on them, and absorb them into your DNA. Then change something else, repeat.

Also, adolescents are supposed to have adolescent demons... until the adult ones are ready to move in. ;-)

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)