For real this time

RainbowZy's picture

Every time I come on here with the intention of actually writing a post, I get overwhelmed and distracted when I realize how long it's been since I logged on and how much I have to talk about. But I'm trying my hardest to actually write a post this time.

I have been gradually expanding my circle of friends and have started hanging out with a girl that I've had a crush on for a while. I'd wanted to be friends with her for several years, but this year we really hit it off when we discovered that she had anonymously authored one of my favorite online stories. We're pretty close friends now, and we tell each other things that we wouldn't tell anyone else. She recently admitted to me that she likes girls. She says she's pretty sure she's a lesbian, which I had suspected since.... forever. She's also very flirty and suggestive towards me, which is nice, but I'm super-awkward when it comes to flirting so I can't really reciprocate it much. (I'm also never sure if she's kidding or not, which is infuriating) I came out to her as well, which I thought was a step in the right direction, but it actually only made things worse. She recently started dating my ex-best-friend (male), and it's absolutely terrible having to watch them together, being all flirty and adorable and watching her show him all the books and shows and videos and stories she's written that we've shared. Ugh. I feel awful for hating their couple-dom and totally douchy for being so jealous, but I can't help it.

I'm pretty sure their relationship won't last, so I suppose I can try to be there when it falls. But until then, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be around them, while not being able to tell anyone all of this. My other friends know that I hate her boyfriend and their couple-dom, but they don't know the full extent of it.

I don't know.

In other news, a few of my friends and I might approach our history teacher about forming a GSA. He mentioned at the beginning of the year that if anyone wanted to start one, he's be the teacher representative. Hopefully we can get that going, and drum up some support for it :)


radiosilence95's picture

What a frustrating

What a frustrating situation. If she thinks she might be gay, why bother with some guy? Why not confirm her own suspicions and date a girl...preferably you? Huh. Women are so confusing. But if she truly is gay, you're right. The relationship won't last.

You really should start that GSA. I'd start one at my school, if only I had more faith in my peers and teachers. I wish you the best of luck with that.

RainbowZy's picture

Thanks! I hope we're

Thanks! I hope we're successful. I know at least 5 of the sophomore girls will join, as they were halfheartedly trying to start one themselves...

And I don't KNOW why she's dating a guy. It is quite frustrating.