God damn...

hellonwheels's picture

I need to get laid. been sooo fucking horny lately...for too long. Sorry if that was too much, but i really need to fucking get over myself, and get a boyfriend. even if I stay in the closet, I need to fucking find somebody.

I guess I got a taste of sex and love/ lust w/ rick awhile back, and now I feel like I need somebody, even though I hate being gay, and don't think I can really ever accept being a fag.

idk.

on the holiday side of things, happy holidays, I guess. Holidays are hard for me, since i have had several frieends die and commit suicide during these times, and I know I have come close as well.

I also know that we have 14 people coming over for xmas, all family and extended fam...adn I am totally going go get the whole...why are you still single? Why don't you have a girl? nudge, nudge...convo...same as it is every year, but it will definitely be worse this year.

Last year, my brother in law's dad said some very homophobic stuff before the wedding, and it really angered me. i know he meant well, and was kidding with me, but it still pissed me off.

Just because he is a midwestern christian guy, and his family are all straight white christians, it doesn't mean that I am, or that I subscribe to their beliefs.

Anyways...

xmas will be fun. lol.

Comments

Yamamoto's picture

I feel the exact same way

I feel the exact same way you do... Though I think for me it is more that I want sex so bad sinice I have never had it... that I think I would rape someone for it :(

At least... that is the way I feel :( Becuase jacking off don't work anymore :(

radiosilence95's picture

Bro, I can relate to pretty

Bro, I can relate to pretty much this entire post. The need for a relationship, the homophobic family. Sucks, don't it? :P But things have a funny way of working out.

hellonwheels's picture

I guesss....

Lol. I am a homophobe myself, so that doesn't make it any easier....lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

Should check out the furry community in WA!

They're all really nice... and their meetup group does awesome things all the time that I can't get to quite yet. Movie nights, bowling, lake trips, etc. They're just silly people in costume :P and only like 10% of them dress up anyways. But most of the community is openly gay, so I'm sure you could find SOMEONE XD

-
That's redick!

hellonwheels's picture

haha...

sadly, i know a few furries in WA. still trying to wrap my head around mark and his long term bf. they are weird to me. but that's because I am a total redneck and I don't seem to fit anywhere in the gay community. all I know is, I need to hook up w/ someone! Haha.

Hows things going w/ blueboy?

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

SADLY?! They're awesome!

And... things are going great :P Read my journal for more :]

-
That's redick!

socialist's picture

I need to bring all my friends to Washington.

So many cool queers there. I've only ever had a conversation with one person who I know is queer. Also, I hate the homophobic stuff and the "you need a girlfriend" conversations. Every time I mention a girl around my father, he asks me if she's cute. >_<

hellonwheels's picture

problem for me is...

I really want the girlfriend...but, it's never gonna happen. Unless there's a girl out there who wants me for me, and no sex @ all, never gonna happen. lol.

there are quite a few kids locally I know who are gay, although most I know through a kid I met on here about 5 years ago, who also happens to be one of my best friends right now.

as far as locals in my new county, there are a few I have come across, but not the kinds of people I hang out with. and most of my small-town friends are total phobes, so coming out ain't really an option.

but yeah. I need at least a discrete holiday hookup over the xmas season. maybe I should go to seattle and go clubbing, although that isn't my style.

Perhaps I need to take a break from here and go visit my friend marissa down in san fran, @ least down there I can go out to gay clubs anonymously, and maybe even hook up w. someone for the first time in a city where no one other than a few bike messengers know me. that would be cool.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Yamamoto's picture

Why in the fuck don't I live

Why in the fuck don't I live in places like this... I feel like every fucking person on this site is the complete oppisite of me and lives in places that are so much better... plus the fact it seems like a fucking bunch of you live near each other... :(

hellonwheels's picture

yama...

I have no idea. chances are, you actually do...many gay people in my area just aren't publicly out, and I am sure it could be the same for you. As for the recent coincidence of high oasis usage in washington? I am not sure. There are a few LGBTQ organizations I know of around here, a few of which tell kids about this site, so that could definitely be part of it. Although, like Uncertain, i found out about this site in an article in either newsweek or time magazine. I can't honestly remember. lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Yamamoto's picture

Well if they aren't publicly

Well if they aren't publicly out how in the fuck does that help me?... I mean I can't know about them if they aren't out :( I mean I have a hard egough time making friends normally... if so many people are just going to play the fucking closet game then it is just going to be impossiable for me :(

hellonwheels's picture

I see your point...

maybe start working on that gaydar, eh?

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Yamamoto's picture

I think for someone who has

I think for someone who has Aspergers that is impossiable :( I have a hard egough time just reading peoples emotions :( My only way of knowing is if a person acts like a setrotypical gay... and I hate with a vengance anyone who acts like that :(

hellonwheels's picture

yeah. you and me both dude.

that's why I avoid events like pride @ all costs. I would get incredibly pissed and beat somebody to a pulp. haha.

anyway...was going to make a southpark esque joke, but that would be mean. so I won't. anyway.

isn't asperger's a form of autism? maybe I am wrong there. IDK.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

socialist's picture

I have Aspergers, too

.

socialist's picture

I found out about this web site

from digging around on the internet about gay advice. I came to some very obsure web page that only listed pretty much every queer web site there is. I scrolled down to a random area (the O section) and started clicking all the links until I came here. I'm glad I did.

hellonwheels's picture

well, I am glad you did too...

I frequently enjoy reading your comments, and intelligent responses to those who like to debate on here, such as super duck and elph, to name a few.

Tell me you have seen the ass-burgers episode of south park from earlier this season? please say you have! it's hilarious, although politically incorrect. doesn't make fun of the disease, just the name...and how mentally retarded cartman is.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Yamamoto's picture

I wish I knew some

I wish I knew some furries... maybe that way I could actually find a boyfriend... :( Yet I live in a area, and go to a college in a area where thier is no furry groups at all :( It makes me feel so lonely *cries* Plus I Don't have a car to go anywhere that such a commuity meets :(

hellonwheels's picture

just in case you haven't seen it...here it is

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s15e08-ass-burgers

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Super Duck's picture

This is one of my favorite

This is one of my favorite episodes of South Park, like... ever. Just sayin'.

Yamamoto's picture

I didn't find very amusing

I didn't find very amusing :( Then again I don't find anything that mentions my disability to be amusing becuase I don't like thinking about the fact I have it :(

hellonwheels's picture

I feel the same way about wilford brimley jokes...

regarding the dia-betus....lol. but jsut to point out, it isn't mocking you, or the fact that you have it....just the name. watch the whole epidsode, and it's actually quite funny. I can't imagine you don't at least grin for a second.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Yamamoto's picture

Now I do find the dia-betus

Now I do find the dia-betus joke to be funny :P...

But no I don't like it becuase I don't think it is funny, and I hate hearing about my disability anyway... my mom is always telling me I could talk to and help others with my disability, but I refuse becuase I hate it and I am not going to accept it in that manner... just like I refuse to accept the fact I am gay... they are both just as bad and just as much a disease...

hellonwheels's picture

yeah...

that is definitely an issue for you. I can tell from past convos we have had, that you will struggle with that one for awhile. sorry if I offended you, I am known to be a bit of an asshole @ times. lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Yamamoto's picture

Thank you for a

Thank you for a apoligizing... just please don't do it again :D

socialist's picture

Well, I thought it was funny.

I have a sense of humor. I'm also much happier than Yamamoto.