huzzah! and HOLY SH*T!

jacjessen90's picture

first the huzzah: to those of you who are unaware, i got engaged 2 days ago... omfg! he's the cutest sweetest most loving person i've ever met! and now were engaged!

now for the other: he's in the hospital for a suicide attempt because the psychiatrist he went to, took him off of his klonapin cold turkey, when it says in the PDR that the doctor should wean the pationet off of klonapin not just stop it.

anyway, my darling is in the psych ward because he was hearing voices telling him to harm himself...so, he took 20,000mg of tylonal, 5,000mg of oxycodone and verious others. when i called 911, he was sluring his words and dizzy, and he said "i'm sorry, don't be mad at me but when you weren't looking i took a whole bunch of pills to take the pain away...."

i'm not mad at him, but i am mad at me, for not keeping a closer eye on him when i knew he was suicidal... i was literally 2 feet away from him when he took the pills and i could hear him...i thought he was just taking his morning meds....

i hate myself right now and although i know i shouldn't, i still hold myself to blame.

comments and condolances are appreciated....

Comments

godforbidlaura's picture

Watch yourself

The habit of blaming yourself is very symptomatic of co-dependency, which helps neither one of you. My condolences, that is a terrifying ordeal, but don't blame yourself or let him ever put any of the blame on you, just check with other dr's as far as his meds, maybe after this ordeal it will be enough of a detox from the klonapin to sort of nullify the danger in the future. and if not try to work out a schedule and system with the therapist that maybe keeps large quantities of drugs out of his reach during risky times. Quitting opiates is extremely dangerous and hard, my thoughts are with you, good vibes being sent your way...

There is a principle which is a bar to all information which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation- Herbert Spencer

Lehcure's picture

Congrats on th engagement!

And I'm sorry to hear he's in the hospital. You saved your life. I meant to type yousaved *his life, but I feel it's appropriate worded either way. Don't blame yourself. You may be wiring him in a very emotional way ...but there isn't anything stronger than the actual chemistry of substance withdrawals and biological wiring. Please don't hate yourself. He needs you right now, and you gotta be your best<3

Dracofangxxx's picture

Wait.

So you and your old fiancee (Which had apparently only been with you for like 3 months?) just broke up, you get with your ex, and now you're getting engaged again?

Am I the only one that's going "holy shit" at this? You sound like you're rushing into everything...
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That's redick!

MacAvity's picture

Yeah...

I was thinking something to the effect of 'Is "engaged" just Jessen-speak for "dating"?'

funnyflyby's picture

Yes, again, what MacAvity said.

Wow.woW

jacjessen90's picture

no, no, no, no....

the person i'm currently engaged to, i have been seeing for like, 3 years, off-and-on,(he hated one of my house mates and so, when he had his limit of her, he'd say that he needed to either,1) take some space from coming over, or 2) have me come over to his house to spend time with him) and when my last bf broke up with me, i was crushed, but the day after, my on/off bf started looking for me, and now we've been dating for roughly the last 2 months, and while we've batted around the idea of engagement before, he finally proposed! the wedding date is may 22nd.

~"i'm a real Witch, Before, During AND After my coffee!"

Dracofangxxx's picture

Hm.

It all just sounds too rebound-y to me.
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That's redick!