in which i stop dancing around the subject...

ferrets's picture

do any of you have the one person, that whenever you do something, they always have some way to imrpove it. but it ends up just making it so you dont feel like your original idea wasnt good enough.
and see, im not...well fuck, im going to stop dancing around the subject! every single time i do soemthing, my mum swoops in and just takes it over.
almost 80% of the time ive been doing a poster for school, when i was younger, shes ended up doing the whole thing, and i just give her the pieces of information that needs to go on it, wistfully remembering what I wanted this poster to look like, and how I would have done it of my own accord. or, sometimes, ill even have finished a poster, but shell just redo the whole fuckign thing becuase she doesnt think i did it right. but, it isnt just posters, every time in my entire life that ive wrapped a present in my life, she unwraps in and reraps how SHE wants it to be wrapped. but today, i thougth i had finally wrapped a gift perfectley.

i mean, it looked glorious, or at least as wrapped up cd of praise songs can look (see, my church youth group is doing a secret santa, i wouldnt torture anyone outside of my church with praise songs) i even put a nice little not in it to the person and stuff. and then i hid it. i fuckign hid my perfectley wrapped christian music, so she wouldnt find it! but, so, she asks me, who i was giving a gift to a few minutes ago.
me: oh, [insert name of very musicley talented girl at my church]
her: what did you get her?
me: a disk of praise songs
her: oh, you know what would go great with that for her?!
me: no...what?
her: gloves and a scarf!
me: oh, do you think?
her: yeah, ill go get some from my craft room
me: well, i already have the things wrapped up you know, and we're suposed to keep it kinda small.
her: just take a look at them!
me:...(as she runs off to retrieve gloves.
her: (brings back gloves) ok, how are these
me: um, that one i guess. but i already have my gift wrapped up and stuff
her: oh, well we'll just put it all in a bag toghether.
and at that point, it wasnt my gift anymore. now it was HER gift, with my tiny contribution in it.

and yeah, that seems petty, but you have to understand, she does this to me so often. she ownt let me cut my own apples! I CANT CUT MY OWN FUCKING APPLES! i am always so submissive, prefering to wacth refer then participate, becuase im terrified that ill do soemthing really well, but then someone will say "oh, you should change..." and i cant jsut flat say no, becuase then its like im a total dick who thinks im so much better then everyone. but its not like that. i jsut want to feel like i can do stuff on my own, and feel like what i do manage to do is worth while.

you know, this is why i hide stuff from her. becuase that stuff is mine. i dont have to worry about her screwing it up. i once had her edit a paper in third grade, about the alimo. she pretty much rewrote it for me. i just...sigh, i dont have tiem to finish this journal. but yeah. thats pretty muhc the extent.

Comments

Dracofangxxx's picture

My sis is like that

Except she MAKES me do the work and THEN bitches me out about how "the garlic isn't cut small enough why would you think anyone would want chunks this big"

I know how you feel, just say no to her. You're getting to the age you can make your own decisions. If she wants to help on a project, you say, "NO, mom, because they are grading me on MY work, not YOURS. You can help, but only with what I GIVE you to help with". That way you're not being a dick, you're asserting yourself. There's a difference.
-
That's redick!

ferrets's picture

nnot with her...

any kind of disagreement with her is taken as a direct assualt on her.
the worst part is, ive been condiotioned, after years, to just suck it up and remain in nuetral silence, even if i dont like it, rather then upset her. i always want to make other people happy, even at my own expense.

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

Dracofangxxx's picture

Yeah. My mom's the same way.

but she'll go away if you bitch at her enough. Don't let your mom walk all over you :/ She's your mother, not your jailer. I don't care what you have to say, you're not allowed to put up with any bullshit.
-
That's redick!

elph's picture

Obviously, you are...

...your mom's source of pride and joy. (Hopefully there are others... but dunno.)

It would be very difficult (and, possibly inconsiderate) for you to deny her this...

However, your mom may feel that her reputation could benefit from a positive nudge from wherever it may come.

She's likely quite unaware of what she's doing: But, living vicariously through you... if you look good... this reflects upon her positive attributes as a mom.

You look good: she looks good!

Moms can be very complex. :)

****

Don't hurt her feelings, but you might try, "Mom, I probably could have done better... but I'd really like this to be me! OK?"

socialist's picture

I don't mean to be like your

mother, but if you don't revise, I will:

Do any of you have the one person who always has some way to improve whatever you do, but ends up just making you feel like your original idea wasnt good enough?

And see, I'm not...well fuck, I'm going to stop dancing around the subject! Every single time I do something, my mum swoops in and just takes it over.

Almost 80% of the time I'd do a poster for school when I was younger, she'd end up doing the whole thing, and I just give her the pieces of information that needs to do it, wistfully remembering what I wanted this poster to look like and how I would have done it of my own accord. Sometimes, I'd even have finished a poster, but she'd just redo the whole fucking thing because she doesn't think I did it right.But it isn't just posters; every time in my entire life when I've wrapped a present, she's unwraped and rewrapped it the way she wants it to be wrapped.

For example: today, I thought I had finally wrapped a gift perfectly. I mean: it looked glorious, or at least so much as a wrapped up CD of praise songs can look. (See, my church youth group is doing a secret santa; I wouldnt torture anyone outside of my church with praise songs.) I even included a nice little knot to the object, among other features, and hid it. I fucking hid my perfectly wrapped Christian music so she wouldnt find it! But she asked me who I was giving a gift to a few minutes ago.

Here is a transcript of the conversation that followed:
Me: Oh, [insert name of very musicley talented girl at my church]
Her: What did you get her?
Me: A disk of praise songs.
Her: Oh, you know what would go great with that for her?!
Me: No...what?
Her: Gloves and a scarf!
Me: Oh, do you think?
Her: Yeah; I'll go get some from my craft room.
Me: Well, I already have the things wrapped up, you know, and we're suposed to keep it kinda small.
Her: Just take a look at them!
Me: ...(as she runs off to retrieve gloves.)
Her: (brings back gloves) Ok, how are these?
Me: Um, that one, I guess, but i already have my gift wrapped up and stuff.
Her: Oh, well, we'll just put it all in a bag toghether.
At that point, it wasn't my gift anymore. Now, it was HER gift with my tiny contribution in it.

And, yeah, that seems petty, but you have to understand that she does this to me so often. She won't let me cut my own apples! I CAN'T CUT MY OWN FUCKING APPLES! I am always so submissive, prefering to watch rather than to participate becuase I'm terrified that I'll do something really well, but then someone will say "Oh, you should change..." and I cant just say no becuase, then, it's like im a total dick thinking I'm so much better than everyone else when I'm not. I just want to feel like I can do stuff independently; like what I do manage is worth while.

You know, hiding stuff from her, I don't have to worry about her screwing up my stuff. I once had her edit a paper about the Alamo in third grade and she pretty much rewrote it for me. I just...(sigh)...

I dont have time to finish this journal, but, yeah, thats pretty much the extent.

---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iNEbrrG7SM

elph's picture

Another "smothering" mom...

No need to change what I wrote above for ferrets.

Your mom wants you to be outstanding... and, she needs to feel that her efforts have contributed towards this assessment.

She just doesn't know (or, doesn't remember) how a teen's mind works.

There's no way you can "teach" her... so, just let her be happy. This'll prove the easier route :)

ferrets's picture

-shurg-

i dont write my journals to be school assighments, just my personnal thoughts. im not going to ache over grammer or spelling. clearly people understood what i was talking about.
furthermore, if you were really like my mother, you would have written my journal in the way you thought it would have been best written.

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

elph's picture

Uh... ferrets...

I really don't think socialist intended any criticism. At least, I didn't read it that way...

From what I've seen, you both are exceptionally polite and extremely considerate.

ferrets's picture

i didnt think that...

i was just letting him know that i never edit or revise or take pains to make my journals any good gramaticley and spelling wise. believe it or not, i do fix stuff in my journals, you should seem them BEFORE i post them XD hard te believe, huh?

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

socialist's picture

I've seen worse.

elph's picture

ferrets is not a mind reader!

You're almost as cryptic as I try to be! :)

Anyway... tell him where to look!

http://www.oasisjournals.com/2005/02/what-do-you-do-when-your-crush-prov...

Now... my question: How did you stumble upon this gem by "xxaznxstylesxx"?

socialist's picture

The forum topic titled "Your first crush"

It's entertaining reading all of them. I also wrote about Brad in that topic.

---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iNEbrrG7SM