Today was just a shitty day. Shit everywhere. I had my last two finals of the semester, which were German and P.E, and I'm pretty sure I almost failed my German final. Probably got like a D+ or a C- or something. The German final is always total bullshit, because we're expected to know the whole goddamn language, even though our teacher is well aware that our vocabulary is very limited. I can't wait to drop German after this year. And my Calculus final...my god. I'm predicting a C+ or a B-. But my other subjects should be A's.
This morning I met up with a group of my friends, and my former best friend just walks right past me like I'm not even there. Doesn't say hi, looks pissy, just being a total bitch. Uh, fuck you too? It really hurt me. We used to be really really close. I've mentioned this friend before. You know, the one who made her entire life revolve around her bland boyfriend and pushed everyone aside for him? Yeah. This school year we've been reduced to nods of recognition in the hallways or half-hearted good mornings. This little happening today reminded me that I've lost a very close friend. And that pissed me off because it's all her fault.
So yeah. Glad I got finals out of the way. My P.E final was just us running a lot and doing sit-ups and chin-ups. It was my last day of P.E with Brittany, and guess who was too pathetic to get her number before Christmas break? Me! I'm disgusted with myself, frankly. We talked a bit after the running was done, and I had the perfect chance to ask for her number, but I DIDN'T. I piss myself off sometimes. This whole situation pisses me off. I know everyone's getting tired of hearing about Brittany, but I really can't help it. I can't gush to my mom or my friends about her, so Oasis, my best friend, and my counselor are the only ways for me to rant about my lameness with Brittany.
My best friend also has a huge crush on some guy, and we both love raving about our crushes to each other, which is always nice. But today she told me that he likes her back, that they flirt all the time, blah blah blah. And I should be happy for her, but I'm just really obnoxiously jealous. My best friend ALWAYS gets the guy she's after. She's dated a total of nine guys, and those usually lasted awhile. People just like her. There are so many guys that are dying to go out with her. All she has to do is pick her target and he's instantly hers.
I mean, c'mon. It's ridiculous. She flings herself into relationship after relationship, and she's already made so much progress with this guy, while I'm still trying to have ONE lengthy, personal conversation with Brittany, which has not yet happened. And it pisses me off that my best friend ALWAYS GETS THE GUY. It never fails. Ugh.
The same best friend is also going to court today because of that pesky little shoplifting ticket. She failed to get a job on time and now she can't pay the fine. She's gonna beg for more time, but my experiences with judges have taught me that the judges here are dicks. So she'll probably go to juvie for who knows how long. It could be a week. Could be a month. I don't know, and I'm scared.
I know she won't be gone for very long, but still. She's really the only person I have to talk to about serious personal things, other than my counselor. And she's the only friend of mine who texts me every night, who genuinely cares about me and makes me really happy. All of my other friends are just ways for me to pass the time or have a good laugh.
Why did she have to shoplift like a fucking idiot? Ugh.
And there was a huge traffic jam getting home, and I was gonna pick up my paycheck at work, but it was lunch hour and the place was way too packed. Which also pisses me off because I was gonna cash my check and buy some stuff. And I was gonna go to the library but it's in a part of town that I've never really been to and I couldn't find it. So I drove around aimlessly for about thirty minutes and wasted a shit ton of gas. And RIGHT as I finally got home my mom texted me and demanded that I drop off my sister's Secret Santa gift because she left it at home this morning. So I had to drive ALL the way across town to give my sister her gift, and then I had to drive ALL THE WAY BACK.
It's just the kind of day when the smallest things really piss me off. I want my mom to leave me alone about the laundry. I want my grandparents to quit coming to my house to do my mom's house chores. I want my dad to quit asking me about how counseling is going, pretending to care. I want my friends to leave me alone about their problems, find someone else to unload them on, because I'm not a goddamn therapist and if I had something on my mind they wouldn't give two fucks. I just wanna be left alone in general.
I'm pissed about a lot of things. Can't you tell? I'll probably be over it tomorrow though. I know these are small, insignificant things that don't matter (except for Brittany--that's very important), but hey, we're all entitled to a good whining session every now and then.