problem with guy

mysecretme's picture

Hello world.
Im new to this so here it goes, im a regular 18 year old with the exception that im gay.Im still in the closet as i cant seem to accept myself , just thinking about coming out to my divorced catholic homphobic parents gives me the chills, but im not here to seek advice on coming out..yet. Im here because...of a guy. I help my dad run his business, i work as a supervisor you could say. So here comes (guy) and asks for a job..from the moment i see him you could say i fell in lust haha i acted all bossy and stuff asking for his application and all the requirements. He seemed pretty straight to me and he was quiet from the begining (me likey) ..some things on me are that im a pretty nice guy from heart..i tend to think with my heart instead of with my head mosts of the time wich makes me a pretty shitty boss when it comes down to being a boss haha, other thing is i fall in love quickly, I tend to take action with out thinking and im jus the peace and love type of person. We went through the basic stuff for the job and all, after that I just couldnt stop thinking on how much i liked him..eventually it turned into a crush. I got to know him better and the more i knew him the more i liked him, he still seemed pretty straight ..all that time i had been hoping in my head he was gay. After about 2 or 3 weeks we developed a friendship we now hang out and do all that. I try to figure out if he might be gay or bi, some signs i see as a maybe are that whenever a girl passes by he doesnt stare or do any macho guy thing like the other workers. Whenever we say bye he tends to give me this stare and holds my hand a bit longer than a handshake takes haha (drives me nuts) he started fooling around saying we were going out and he acted as if he was jealous in a joking manner whenever i talked to another guy or so (drives me nuts) he slaps my ass (drives me nuts) he makes comments on my body haha (im six feet tall 180 lbs masculine acting I(consider my self a top) latino guy) i casually also do the same to him but im afraid of letting my self loose as i know my tendency to fall for guys. Well...i tried...now i have the biggest crush on him..i have the cant live with out him type of attitude which i totally hate , ok so im a pussy. I cant seem to gather enough Courage to tell him how i really feel , as time has passed by he now stares at girls (drives me nuts) he now makes comments (drives me nuts) and it seems as his gay play is fading we are kind of growing apart , at times i have mixed feelings and get mad at him for no reason, i get jealous if he stares at a girl but of course all this in secrecy. Another pointer is I faded into a stage of depression, i currently moved away from my home with my dad and started this business i miss my mom and brother i have no friends other than him here , my family wouldnt accept me if i was gay, and i feel out of place , i cant tell my dad as he would go nuts, and im really confused on what to do. I really want to tell him how i feel but im not sure if he would either feel the same (doubt it) or just plain out reject me. He seems nice and noble but its a whole different ball game once you tell someone you are gay. Its friday today, i was at work and fell into a deep sense of sadness..a mix of my feelings for him..my confusion and my homesickness took me to the point of running to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet seat crying..(not hysterically) just a few tears.when i came out he was there and i had watery eyes i think he noticed , i couldnt look at him in the eyes anymore so i kept my head down and just gave him some orders to get him away from me. It would really be nice if he did turn out gay but you never know. Tommorrow we had planned to hang out after work but i dont think thats a good idea anymore, i know we will be alone in my house for a bit to get ready..should i pull a move there? ..nah...(oh pussy me) Btw My dad is a strict father and i can never seem to make him happy now put in the gay part he would probably disown me. I feel lonely and confused, i doubt god every day more and more... what should i do? tell him (guy) how i feel? (god if youre there give me some balls to do so)..some tips on how to improve my gaydar would be nice, how to approach (guy) on this or how to forget him would be good..its literally driving me nuts, thanks. (eeefffffff yooouuu!!!!!GUY!!!!!!)

ohgollygeeweezwhy's picture

well its been awhile since

well its been awhile since you have posted... how did it go? sounds confusing as hell. did you tell him?

if you think you will regret not saying anything months from now, what do you have to lose? pride?
easier said than done. but ... he is slapping you on the ass! i mean... come on.. he may be struggling with denial himself. the girl i am with was straight until she wasn't (like a wet noodle ;) and had a bf basically the whole time i knew her until the last few months) she confused the hell out of me, but the way she would look at me i knew that she had thought about it (and only you can know about things like that). three years after being her friend she finally told me, right before i moved- i told myself, maybe i would tell her like the day before i moved or something because i am a baby. i was shocked!, but i was so glad she told me- i sure as hell wasn't going to say anything. But i bet if i did we could have spent more time with eachother....

Yamamoto's picture

Uh dude... I slap guys on

Uh dude... I slap guys on the ass whenever I get a chance... and frankly it has nothing to do with hitting on them... it is just somthing that some stright guys do to play. They kind of do that pretend gay thing... not really sure how to discribe it, but you have to be around them egough to see it. So don't let play acting like that that trip you up... unless you ask directly you are frankly never going to know the truth...