so yeah, i located an adorable gay guy at school before the break began. but i was unable to introduce myself, mainley due to my massive cowardice. becuase see, with girls, and straight guys, and gay guys who im not into outside of friendship, im rather confident. i can talk to them, joke with them, its all coolio.
but with gay guys im into, im a disaster. if i manage to say hello without hyperventalating, then i dont know what to say. i can get about this far into a conversation:
gay guy who i like: hey
me: how are you today?
gay guy who i like: im doing pretty good. you?
me: yeah im doing ok as well.
and after that i dont know what to say to a guy i like! im worried if i open my mouth just the first thing i think will come out, and that would probabley be something like: iwantyoutotakemerightnowtoyourhouseandscrewmeinthefaceuntilyourhotcumshootsallovermyface
so how i found this guy i like, is, there was an assembley that we had right before we got out of school for winter break. and there was this really cute guy sitting right infront of us. the only things i knew about the kid was that he was adorable and a freshman. and my friend i was sitting with was also a freshman, so i figured they might know each other. so i lean over to her and whisper
me: hey, do you know anything about that guy? (points to him)
me: just wondering...
her: you think hes cute, dont you?
me: wellllll yeah i guess you could say that...
her: well, i know hes gay
so my heart started pounding, and i was freaking out on the inside, becuase holy sit hes so cute and im gong to say hi then were going to be married in a month in a cathedral in london and then we will adopt five children, three boys and two girls, and raise them jointly with a lesbian couple, ad well have a redwood tree in our back yard, and ill love it but he'll always complain about it becuase it blocks our view of mt. st. helens, but inside he'll love it just as much as i, and we'll both cry when it gets blown over in a storm, and we'll grow old and four of our children will be moderatley succesfull, but the fifth will be a "author" who will never really write anything and will stay at home and live in our basment until hes 45, and then my husband will have a heart attack, and die, and i;ll be alone for 5 years before i have a stroke and am put into a vegtable state, then ethuanized beucae im like 84 and in a vegtable state, so why keep me going(thats what i would want to, to be put to sleep rather then to just sit around for a few more months or however long until i have some other complication to die of)
ok, so maybe thats not quite what i thought, so close enough. but so yeah, i was getting really excited, but i decided to check with additional sources.so i lean over to the girls on my other side
me:hey, do you know that guys name?
her: yeah, his name is (you stalkers dont need to know his name!). hes queer you know. i think he would like you
me: im oging to try to court him
her: good for you
so yeah, i made this epicley romantic plan of how i was going to introduce myself to him, but instead i jsut got nervous and jittery, and just followed him weirdly throught the halls until he left the school, after the assembley.
so yeah, im going to try to talk to him again after break is over. i need some help, guys. what do i say to him!? i need to preplan it. i would greatly appreciate advice, since none of my friends have given me any besides "be yourself" which means fuckall, becuase being myself could range from giving him a hug to trying to play D&D with him.
so yeah, i was going to write about other stuff, but this post is reaching a stupid amount of length, so ill write about that other things some other time.