That's so ghey

swimmerguy's picture

Uh, I was going to write a dramatic journal about some shit, but I've decided now that I don't have the energy, so I'll just dryly describe what's happened since last time.

Uh, I had a swim meet yesterday. I did okay, I guess.
Not much interesting.
But, after I got home, a lot of interesting things happened.
See, in English class we've just started to read The Lord of the Flies, and after we were done with the book for the day yesterday, I had a bag with me to put my swim stuff and other random shit in, and so rather than putting the book back into my backpack, I just put it in the bag with the swim stuff.
Then we had the swim meet later in the day, and at the end I put my wet towel back in the bag, forgetting the book was in there.
And after we got home, I started playing the piano, cause my mom after she brought me home had to leave in just a minute for a soccer game, and my dad was gone. And then my mom calls me off the piano, and then she starts cussing me the fuck out, and yelling at me, and hitting me, because I left this book in my swim bag with a damp towel.

This has been a bone of contention between us for some time, usually I'd take books to swim practice with my swim backpack, and I'd put my wet towel in there, and it happened like 5000 times, and my mom got really pissed off, she said it's bad for the books.
I don't know why she never seems to bother checking the books and noticing that they're just fine, but why must rules be based on reality, I guess?

And this time was a little different because it wasn't my swim backpack, it was was just my random shit bag that I forgot the book was in there.
But she cusses me the fuck out and leaves.
And so then when she's gone I have a bit of an uncharacteristic moment.
I'm here lying on the couch, and then all of a sudden I just get royally pissed off. I start throwing stuff around, beating shit up, breaking things, because I'm so pissed off.
I'm pretty mad at her for being so pissed about something that just seems to her is a bad idea, even though it isn't actually bad for anything, but more than that I'm pissed at myself, for a few hours I literally hate myself, I don't know how many times I've left a book with a wet towel, so many fucking times, and it's so fucking stupid to get her so mad at me.

I mean, I've been pretty pissed at myself for a while for being so pathetic in various ways.

But last night, ugh. My first inclination was I wanted to go get a knife and slit my wrists.
Luckily I still had the sense to instantly discard that idea.

So, long story short, I get drunker than shit, attempt and half fail to cut myself with a dull kitchen knife, then I blackout in my room :P

When I woke up at past midnight, I realized with some horror that I didn't remember how I got up to my room, although I did have some recollection of all the previous events, I didn't remember flopping out on my bed and passing out, like at all. It's weird to have gaps in your memory.
And my toothbrush, it somehow ended up under my bed, maybe I was going to brush my teeth and then lay down in bed and dropped it?
I dunno.

And so, reason returned with awareness, and I immediately set about remedying the situation, by drinking a ton of water to blunt the inevitable hangover in the morning (that really works, hangovers are largely based on dehydration), and then made 2 resolutions.
1. Never, ever try to cut again. Not an option. So fucking stupid, and it don't make me feel better about myself.
and 2. Never, ever drink that much at one time again (well, for a few years, at any rate), and don't drink at all for a while until I learn to be more responsible.

So, today, uh, not much, I guess. Had lunch with a hot guy I previously didn't know that well, from the swim team, pretty cool :P

I would complain more about my feelings and how broken I feel, and how I wish I could just start hitting on CAG, but I think we've all heard it before.

So, g'night guys, hopefully I'll have something better than this tomorrow :P


Dracofangxxx's picture

It's weird...

To see you at school, and have no idea that this shit has happened the previous night. And then getting on and reading the journal and replaying the whole day of seeing you again in my head, and piecing together everything.

I'm really, really, sorry, buddy. If you ever need to just hang out and get away, my house is totes open <3 We can chill and have fun :]
That's redick!

swimmerguy's picture


Dracofangxxx's picture


Shut yo' whore mouth and hug me <3

Love ya moars <3
That's redick!

socialist's picture

I want to know you.

I have an idea:
Everybody should move here. That way, I could talk to you in real life. That would be SO COOL! I don't know anybody else on here. I've tried to get my pansexual friend and her mostly-gay friend to join, but I didn't succeed. :(


Dracofangxxx's picture

No, just move to washington :P

That's where like
eight active members of Oasis are

(Jk I didn't really count but it's a lot)
That's redick!

socialist's picture

But Brad lives here.

elph's picture


I have to admire your confidence that you might be able to win him over.

But... you should have a contingency plan! And that could very well involve my suggestion (below).

I'm at least half way serious.... :)

RainbowTime's picture

What about Scotland? i only

What about Scotland?

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

elph's picture

As an intriguing fantasy...

this should work out well! But, I prefer dracofangxxx's alternative solution. (East coast U.S.A. is no match for the Pacific NW.)

But here's an "out there" alternative fantasy of mine (for you!): Try to spend some of this coming summer's vacation at the same camp where our now-infamous Daniel attended last summer. (If for some inexplicable reason fireworks fail to develop, you could revert to becoming a teacher of German --- at least, part-time.)

It promises to be quite educational (not to mention, entertaining)! ☺☺☺☺☺

socialist's picture

What is this camp you speak of?

And who is this Daniel you speak of?


elph's picture

Not paying attention? :)

Anyway... he makes his debut here:

More detail emerges (all-too-cautiously) in drips and drabs in subsequent journals.

If my reading between the lines is correct... it could prove to be a very interesting time!

(Want more detail on the camp?: PM Daniel's "first" --- I think I got that right.)

socialist's picture

The whole Daniel thing doesn't sound like something I'd do.


elph's picture

You've confirmed my hunch!

From what I'm able to infer from journal comments, it would appear that the "object of his desire" is of the same opinion... at least, not again! :)

I hope you do realize that this suggestion was very much TIC?

However, if you've never been to an extended (more than a week) summer camp, I'd strongly encourage you to consider it: Pick one for your age that matches your interests.

socialist's picture


I just remembered that I once texted a bisexual guy (16) who lives two counties over. He seemed very sexual and I think he said that he was looking for a relationship (probably sexual) or something. He also mentioned that he liked a guy once, so just followed him into the bathroom and gave him a BJ, which I think was quite funny. Anyway, I probably wouldn't have done anything with him.
Also, TIC? Is that the camp Daniel and Chad went to? If so, what was Chad doing in Maryland/Virginia/DC?