So, about two months ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and the doctor prescribed me a new medication (on top of my other one) called Risperdal, an antipsychotic. It works great. I was happy to not be staying up until 3 am and thinking birds and inanimate objects were plotting against me and obsessively trying to prove that the "dx" at the end of an integral is the same thing as zero. But, contrary to the opinion of my therapist and psychiatrist, I'm done with the new meds now.
I'm done with them because I don't want to be sick. I don't want to be among the ranks of "the mentally ill". I told my therapist that I didn't want to be on the meds anymore, and she told me that I've been more "mindful" since I got on them, and that it looks like they're helping me. Thats not what I wanted to hear. I wanted her to say, "Yeah, looks like you're fine, go ahead and ask the psychiatrist if you can get off of them." And who does the psychiatrist (a very sweet lady) think she is?? She meets with me once, decides I'm having a manic episode, and sticks me on these things! I wonder what life is like off medication. I haven't been there in two years, and it was hell before, but I wonder if it would be hell now? But I can't risk it. Winter quarter I'll be taking chem 2B, which apparently kicks your ass, and I can't be depressed or bat shit during that.
Another thing that bugs me about all of this is that my parents have no idea that I got that diagnosis in the first place. Because I'm living out of the house and am on my own insurance, they didn't get to see any of my symptoms, so if I told them I was bipolar, they wouldn't believe me. The other day, my dad was getting on my case about stopping taking the thing I take for the depression half, called Lamictal, because he thinks I can tough it out and make myself better. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'm taking another thing, let alone that its an antipsychotic. I have no idea what he'd do. Its as scary as coming out as gay or trans (I've yet to come out as trans to him also) because there is such a potential for parental disillusionment that is similar to that brought on by an LGBT coming out. Hopefully I can talk my doctor into letting me stop the Risperdal, and maybe the Lamictal.