Turning from straight to gay? is that possible?

shanty_way's picture

I have always thought of my self as straight. But now i am having my doubts.

Since i can remember I have gotten crushes on girls. There are too many to remember but i really never acted on them at all but i wanted a girl friend. All of high school I went through it without a girl friend and i had never even kissed a girl until I was 19 (aside from spin the bottle) I always found girls beautiful and attractive. I was a bit addicted to porn too i would jerk off an incredible amount always to straight through. I then lost my virginity to my first girlfriend when I was 20. I had hooked up with a girl a few months before this but i couldn't get it up for us to sleep together. I had always attributed that to the amount of tequila i drank before that and nervousness. After i broke-up with my girlfriend and went a few months without, after drinking for 18 hours I hooked up with another girl but I couldn't get it up. (this again i attributed to drinking for 18 hours before)

I had a life threatening accident and almost died and i have since recovered fairly well. i have recently tried my first a one-night-stand and i found her incredibly ungraceful in bed andy lost my attraction to her. when she tried to put on a condom i went limp and there was nothing to be done after that.

Since this episode I have been questioning my sexuality and i have had urges to kiss men and i find my self checking them out, as wells women. I am terrified that i might be gay or bi. But I DO NOT SEE MY SELF AS THAT. i would have to change everything i am, plus I still find women attractive but Now I am scared i can't perform. i have performance anxiety and fear. Maybe i just find them beautiful.

Its strange to think of my self as straight for so long and now think that might not be true, i guess there were always doubts but i always liked girls and I had crushes on Girls. I am just very curious how it might feel to be with the other.

I want to know if any of you who have Come-out and realized you were gay or bi had this kind of realization? if this in normal and I am fact gay but had convinced my self my whole life i wasn't?

socialist's picture

I don't know,

but it is impossible to change your sexual orientation. You might be discovering yourself. You could be bi-curious, bisexual, or (less likely) gay. It may take a while to find this out; some people don't discover this until they have grandchildren (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcqgVMq9mrs), so it is possible that you aren't straight. But this doesn't have to change anything. If you are less afraid of yourself, it will be easier to be sure of yourself.


ferrets's picture


oh my, i just realized you did in fact mention your recent atraction to guys. clumsy me. but still, pretty muchy, if you find guys atractive, then you are at probable bisexaul, and if you dont then you are probabley straight

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

funnyflyby's picture

Well, to start off, you survived a life-threatening accident.

So... congratulations? I'm glad you aren't dead.

Now for the purpose. I really doubt you're gay, but I suppose it's always possible- most likely you're bi or bi-curious. But it doesn't mean your sexuality changed or anything, just that you didn't notice for a long time. I'm not saying you are definitely not straight, either. More like undecided. I would suggest forgetting about labeling yourself and seeing what happens.

Just Dave's picture


"I am terrified that i might be gay or bi. But I DO NOT SEE MY SELF AS THAT. i would have to change everything i am"

It probably seems this way now, but highly doubt that that's true; you don't have to change everything you are. The thing about being gay or bi is it only effects who you want to sleep with. The rest of your life can stay the same.

Sure, it can temporarily change how people perceive you, but if they get to know you, they'll come around eventually.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Same as everyone else, really...

It sounds like, to me, you're seeing yourself being gay as some sort of "Change". But this is sooo wrong. The gay has always been there! You have nothing to change because you've always been that way, whether or not it's been apparent or thought about until now.

There is nothing to be afraid of :]

I'd say to not be afraid of the label, hun. There's no difference between gay-you and straight-you or bisexual-you. I'd say maybe try watching some gay porn and, if it turns you on, then maybe start trying to branch out and maybe date the same sex to see how it goes?

Just don't worry about it! Worrying will make everything worse. Don't think about having to identify correctly! You've always been you and you always will be, and it's fine to branch and out try to discover who you really are... whether it's gay or not :]

Gay isn't some overnight change that makes you like theater and nail polish and hairdoes. I promise :P
That's redick!

elph's picture

Welcome to Oasis!

A very interesting first post...

Also... a very interesting user name you've chosen!

Besides the more frequent definition of "shanty" as a "shack", I wonder if you are aware that in some parts of the U.S. "shanty" is a common euphemism for an outside toilet (outhouse)?

If you choose to stay and participate in discussions, the "Journal" is the preferred location for posting essays/thoughts/musings...

Again... WELCOME

MacAvity's picture


I'm going to disagree with everyone else here and say that I believe it is possible to (unintentionally!) change orientation. If you were honestly never attracted to guys until recently, it sounds to me like your orientation is changing. I agree, though, that there is nothing you can do about it! Accept your orientation, no matter what it is or what changes it undergoes - like everyone's been saying, it doesn't change all of who you are, just one small detail.

socialist's picture

Perhaps We Should Leave said the same thing.

Is it an asexual thing to say that sexual orientation is dynamic, or is this just a coincidence?