I have always thought of my self as straight. But now i am having my doubts.
Since i can remember I have gotten crushes on girls. There are too many to remember but i really never acted on them at all but i wanted a girl friend. All of high school I went through it without a girl friend and i had never even kissed a girl until I was 19 (aside from spin the bottle) I always found girls beautiful and attractive. I was a bit addicted to porn too i would jerk off an incredible amount always to straight through. I then lost my virginity to my first girlfriend when I was 20. I had hooked up with a girl a few months before this but i couldn't get it up for us to sleep together. I had always attributed that to the amount of tequila i drank before that and nervousness. After i broke-up with my girlfriend and went a few months without, after drinking for 18 hours I hooked up with another girl but I couldn't get it up. (this again i attributed to drinking for 18 hours before)
I had a life threatening accident and almost died and i have since recovered fairly well. i have recently tried my first a one-night-stand and i found her incredibly ungraceful in bed andy lost my attraction to her. when she tried to put on a condom i went limp and there was nothing to be done after that.
Since this episode I have been questioning my sexuality and i have had urges to kiss men and i find my self checking them out, as wells women. I am terrified that i might be gay or bi. But I DO NOT SEE MY SELF AS THAT. i would have to change everything i am, plus I still find women attractive but Now I am scared i can't perform. i have performance anxiety and fear. Maybe i just find them beautiful.
Its strange to think of my self as straight for so long and now think that might not be true, i guess there were always doubts but i always liked girls and I had crushes on Girls. I am just very curious how it might feel to be with the other.
I want to know if any of you who have Come-out and realized you were gay or bi had this kind of realization? if this in normal and I am fact gay but had convinced my self my whole life i wasn't?