Why is it so bad to want to be straight? We do live in a predominately straight culture?

Nashville cowboy's picture

If you're a guy or a girl, you are bombarded daily with love songs on the radio, Every movie in the whole freeking world (just about) is a love story of some kind. anything to rub salt in your wounds.
I have known I was different since I was 5 years old, and gay since 11 years old. I didn't choose anything. It was nature and nurture. GI JOE for a father and Joan Crawford for a mother. I went to 17 schools, all over the USA. was bullied almost to death. My GI JOE dad beat me senseless and mother sufficated me with love. I was an accident that never should have been born. 6'4" 185lbs. blue eyes filled with pain.

Yamamoto's picture

Frankly my friend I agree

Frankly my friend I agree with you completely, though almost no one here will ever agree with your thoughts and usally will just bash you with a bunch of things on it anyway.

Kind_Sol's picture

Not Yet

Now hold on there just one second. I'm usually quiet on this site, but i won't let you just sit there and say that because the world isn't aimed directly at our way of life means that its worse than any heterosexual one! I've noticed it too, all society it seems pressures us to be in relationships, and most the directive is towards those of the straight variety, but that won't last forever.

Change is all around us! Struggles have come, they're still going on today, and there'll be more of them in the future, but we aren't going to fall back into the closet just because the world PREFERS a different taste in relationship! I know i won't!

I understand where you're coming from, i didn't exactly have a supportive family to start with, i still get looks here and there, but i came to realize that they aren't the biggest part of my life. Not EVEN the biggest part of who i am. Why was i letting them, or anyone tell me who i should be? That's giving those people, and the entire world in fact, power over me it has no right to posses.

I was raised southern, it sucks sometimes. I was a big kid. It sucked. I'm still tall and big. Bit i made the best of it.

I know i looks bad right now, but trust me, it does get better. Just listen to me, and the supportive voices you'll find on this site. I believe, and i'm not the only one.

Try and have a nice day,
Jack
-------------------
An optimist sees the glass half full, and a pessimist sees the glass half empty. But a realist however, realizes that sooner or later he's going to eventually have to clean the glass.

RainbowTime's picture

i agree with kind sol on

i agree with kind sol on this one the world is becoming more accepting and were not going to back in the closet if people want me to. as for the songs thats because its the majority

i was raised a Scot and in our culture (traditional up to modern) we have always been accepting (to a degree) and some countries are kicking out homophobic groups out of the country and not allowing them to enter & more and more countries are allowing gay people to marry & adopt children

the worlds turning around in our favor

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

Kind_Sol's picture

Thank you

It always feels good to be agreed with. Especially on a topic like this one.

-------------------
An optimist sees the glass half full, and a pessimist sees the glass half empty. But a realist however, realizes that sooner or later he's going to eventually have to clean the glass.

RainbowTime's picture

no problem

always happy to help on this subject

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

MacAvity's picture

...

For the same reason wanting to be anything you can't be is bad. It just makes it harder to live with yourself.

Yamamoto's picture

You guys really just sound

You guys really just sound so stupid... you talk about letting people be what they want... then fucking let them... It bothers me so much about that, that you tell me that I have to what you tell me to be happy... that just becuase I am this certian way means I have to accept it to be fucking happy.

That is like accepting the fact I am fat to be happy. Anything can happen if one puts there mind to it, which is somthing you people tell me all the time. Well guess what... this is somthing I am fucking changing about myself becuase I am so tried of it.

elph's picture

No one here has said...

...it is wrong (bad) to want to be straight!

However, I am obliged to acknowledge that it is an undeniable challenge for a gay teen to grow up today amongst peers who are predominantly straight.

I can easily understand your feeling that you've received a raw deal by having been born with an innate propensity to fall in love with someone of the same sex.

The best I can offer is: Deal with it! Being gay is not a death sentence, your life expectancy is the same as for straights, there are no known health issues to which gays are uniquely susceptible...

Your main challenge is to ignore the homophobes... and become the master of your unique qualities!

So far... it appears there is no cure for gayness. This'll likely be the case for some time to come... if ever!

Yamamoto's picture

I don't have to fucking deal

I don't have to fucking deal with anything... I can do anything I fucking want if I set my mind to it. I will make sure that I accomplish this goal...

Tell me why is that I have to settle for being gay, and yet you guys doen't tell me that it is ok for settling to be depressed or settling to never being friends with another human... Why do I have to settle for being gay if it won't make me happy... I hate gay guys, I am sorry but I have no desire to be around them anymore and frankly there really isn't a reason anymore. You guys are the excepition becuase I can de humanize you sinice it is chating on the internet, but if it was in real life it wouldn't work.

elph's picture

Being gay...

...is not something that one pursues 100% of the time!

In fact, I'd guess that the majority of gays are indistinguishable from straights during most of their otherwise quite normal lives.

Try it!

Yamamoto's picture

I don't want to be gay...

I don't want to be gay... any fucking precent of the time, and nethier you nor anyone else can tell me what to do. I don't care what I have to do, but I will make my gayness go away, even if it dystorys my desire for relationships all together...

Any amount of trama that I could have to experiance is better than contiuning to be a fag.

lonewolf678's picture

Hmm,

get help man.

Yamamoto's picture

The funny thing is... that

The funny thing is... that is what I have always been doing... getting help.

stillgotlegs's picture

From the right people? Why

From the right people? Why not listen to those who might know the situation better, or at least experienced more? There are a great number of people on here who have experienced it first-hand, and can fully empathise with your situation.

Reacting angrily to people who are trying to give you rational, caring advice may not be the best solution.

In the end, you're free to be whatever you want to be, as long as it brings you happiness.

Yamamoto's picture

Becuase the people on here

Becuase the people on here will only be giving me advice to words... :( I need more support form people right in front of me if you know what I mean :( That is why the advice on here is good and helpful, but... It just doesn't make me feel as good as someone face to face.

lexisthecoolestpersonever's picture

then DON'T fucking deal

you really DON'T have to settle for being gay. be straight if you want. maybe you were born this way, maybe you weren't... nobody fucking knows. if you hate guys, then like girls--simple. it's not worth killing yourself over, it's not worth hating yourself over. people act like sex is all there is to life... and maybe it is (Darwin said that a species wants to perpetuate itself, God said to go forth & multiply). but I like to think we're a little more evolved than that. so go live your life. if you don't want to be happy, be miserable... but life is a joke & ultimately you make your own rules, your own happiness.

socialist's picture

That's the worst advice ever.

Sexuality cannot consciously be controlled. Have you every tried forcing yourself to be attracted to something and the stop being attracted to something else? It's impossible.

elph's picture

Huh?

"you really DON'T have to settle for being gay. be straight if you want"

This is news to me!

Please cite any professional evidence in support for this assertion!

And... please do not conflate being gay (an innate characteristic) with the activities in which some gays may participate.

NB: What we do (irrespective of orientation) is volitional... some activities you may approve of (for any of a myriad of reasons), some... maybe not. That's your problem!

lexisthecoolestpersonever's picture

My Hands Are Up--Look, No Weapon

Heh. I see I offend. And you're totally right... I am "conflating" being gay with "the activities in which some gays may participate." Allow me to re-word my advice (but still be just as offensive, sorry socialist): you DON'T have to settle for participating in gay activities. Participate in straight activities if you want (activities, I assume, means sex).

I didn't mean to say that being gay is something you can control. What I meant to say is that being gay is only a facet of a person's entire being and shouldn't control his/her whole life. If it's making Yamamoto truly miserable to fixate on being gay, maybe he should fixate on something that might make him a little happier, like kittens for example.

Dude, I AM gay. I fully approve of "gay activities." I'm just trying to come at Yamamoto's problem from a different angle.

MaddieJoy's picture

I know it's really hard to

I know it's really hard to deal with this. I just found out I'm bisexual and i can barely say that word without feeling dirty or scared. But I know that it will get better. You just need to find the right people to be around and be supported by.

LucyInTheSky's picture

I agree with both sides...i

I agree with both sides.... i dont think it is wrong to want to be straight if you are gay, its kinda like wanting straight hair if yours is curly or curly if its straight, blonde people want to be brunette, brunettes want to be blonde. we all want what we dont have. My idea ... i feel kinda hypocritical saying this bc i dont really even know what makes me happy right now... is to be who you want to be and do what makes you happy. If you are happier being in a relationship with a girl than a guy then do it. If you are happy being alone then be alone! :) no one ever said you have to be in a relationship to be happy.... but if you find happiness in a same sex relationship then be happy, if it doesnt make you happy then dont do it. But just because you feel gay doesnt mean you have to act on it. life is all about choices and you DO have the power to choose who you want to be.

radiosilence95's picture

Just to put my two cents in...

There have been a few times that I have wished myself heterosexual, because it is true that the overwhelming majority of society is straight. Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if I wasn't gay. I wouldn't have to face the judgements, the discomfort of coming out to friends and family...the social aspect of it is what used to bother me. Society has made great strides in tolerance in the past decade or so. People are actually a lot more accepting now. That doesn't mean there aren't people who are bigots and haters, but society's come a long way.

I'm pretty sure that most of the people on this site would admit to having one moment in which they wished to be straight. It's hard not to have a moment like that when we're surrounded by heterosexuals! Every one of us has at least some desire to conform, to be accepted by society. I mean sure, I like being different, but who doesn't want to fit in, at least somewhat? Anyone who denies this is only lying to themselves.

But now I really don't wish I was straight. I like being gay. And it's impossible to imagine myself straight, because I just have no idea what that even feels like, being attracted to someone of the opposite sex. I can't really force myself to find a dude attractive. Believe me, I've tried a few times. I used to look really hard at the football player every girl goes crazy over, and no matter how much effort I put into trying to be attracted to him, it didn't work.

People are just born gay, dude. You can try to suppress your homosexuality, but in doing so, you only harm yourself. Because if you force yourself into a heterosexual relationship, it'd be impossible for you to be truly happy. Is it okay to be afraid of your sexuality? Of course. It's perfectly natural. Is it okay to be afraid of your sexuality for your entire life? No. There came a point when I just shut up, quit bitching about who I am, and accepted myself.

Your sexuality has and will continue to bring you many challenges. You'll be bullied, ridiculed, and judged by others for the rest of your life. But you know what? You find a way to rise above all of that. Your sexuality makes you a stronger person because of what you'll face as a result of it. And not EVERYONE will judge you for it. There are actually a lot of awesome, accepting, tolerant people out there. You just gotta find 'em, and realize that they are closer than you may think.

You don't like your sexuality? Learn to like it, just like I did.

Yamamoto's picture

When did you walk a mile in

When did you walk a mile in my shoes *Says sarcasticly*

I mean seriously, you dare to tell me what will, and what won't make me happy. I don't understand how I could possiably not be happy in a heterosexual relationship... I mean are you saying that heterosexual relationships are less fufilling?... That stright people have worse relationships? I don't understand it, I mean being without sex is not a bother to me, and frankly I don't think I would be comforntable have sex with any human becuase of my hate for them. Other than that... I don't get how it would be any differnt. Please explian?

radiosilence95's picture

You're just all over the

You're just all over the place with your sexuality and your emotional state of being, so I really don't know what I can say to you, other than I never said straight people have worse relationships than gay people. You hate all of humanity, so I guess you're just NONsexual. You're not attracted to ANYBODY because you just take it upon yourself to hate everyone. So I really don't know what to tell you anymore, bro.

Yamamoto's picture

Just becuase I fucking hate

Just becuase I fucking hate everyone doesn't mean I am not sexual... I know I am sexually attracted to guys.... it is just that I don't like being a fucking faggot, and what I want to do is force myself to be stright... it is not that I am all over the place with my sexuallity. I have always been gay and that really hasn't changed. It is wethier or not I am going to act on it, and frankly I hate that part of myself so much I am going to force myself to not act on it, and do whatever I have to do to fake it. Frankly I take heart medication... so that means that in order to even have sex I have to take medication that gives erections so I will be able to fake those even if I am not sexually attracted to the girl.

I hate all of humanity becuase of the way I have been treated by nearly every person I have meet and the way that I see that humanity in general treats animals. Sinice really animals are my only friends.

MaddieJoy's picture

I think she's just saying

I think she's just saying that you'll probably have a hard time being happy with someone you have an innate inability to love. To each his own, though.

LucyInTheSky's picture

@ Yamamoto: maybe you arent

@ Yamamoto: maybe you arent gay then...? maybe you are asexual or bi, or passexual or whatever.... just do what makes you happy if you're saying there is a solution to your anger and hate for yourself then just do it and stop bitching about the suggestions people are trying to help you out with. I feel like you are out to start a fight right now, and hell if its making you happy then keep it up but people are also trying to answer the original post and you keep acting like all the responses are completely directed at you, maybe you should start your own topic and get the answers you are looking for....sorry if this sounds rude, not trying to be mean but i felt like being straight forward was the best approach.

funnyflyby's picture

I'm going to expand on what MacAvity said here

It's not wrong to wish that you were straight, exactly- it would certainly make some things a hell of a lot easier for you. While sad, it's understandable.
The thing that is wrong with it is that it's pointless. Let's make a comparison in indisputable terms. When I was in about kindergarten I wanted to fly more than anything else. I tried really hard, I scared the living daylights out of my mother by jumping off all sorts of tall playground structures, I prayed to grow wings- the whole deal. The thing is, I never could fly, and there was no point in trying. I could never be happy with my feet on the ground until I accepted that that's just the way things were, and it's better not to keep trying for something that's never going to happen.
It's the same thing. You can wish to be straight, and you might even succeed in fooling yourself. But it's better to accept that you're not, and just live life the way you can. While there are moments you go 'GAH, I wish I was straight!', for the most part you should just try and stop thinking and wishing for it, because there's really no point, and if we all long to be straight that kind of increases the discrimination bit. It'll never be equality if we whine 'Born this way...' forever. What's better is being perfectly happy the way you are so that people can see that there's nothing wrong.

Wow.woW

Super Duck's picture

I don't think it's

I don't think it's necessarily a terrible thing to wish you were straight. I mean, I've wished it a few times just because there are simply more straight people than gay people and, thus, more dating opportunities. It is an impossibility, though... I mean, sure, you could always marry someone of the opposite sex and fake it, but would you truly be happy? I personally wouldn't.

Do I like being a lesbian? To be honest, a lot of the time, not particularly. Not because I think it's "wrong" or anything, but because I'm scared I'll never find a girl. It's statistics, you know? Not that many women are gay, and I don't even want to think about the numbers once you factor in things like age, location, and the type of woman I find attractive. It's no wonder that most girls I have liked ended up straight... But there are some things I do like about being a lesbian, like the fact that I subvert everyone's idea of a "typical" lesbian, or the fact that I get to appreciate all the pretty ladies! And when I do find my girl, it will be all the more special! :) Just think about it like that... When you do finally find who you're looking for, it will be worth the wait!

Plus, people are growing more tolerant. In the past 10 years, many countries plus several states in the USA have legalized gay marriage. So it's not all bad!

Doctor Beastly's picture

Hello Nashville cowboy, How

Hello Nashville cowboy,

How are you doing since you created this post. You wrote you acknowledged you were gay since 11, but see yourself as an accident. Your story is how you end up writing it to be. You may not always write exactly what you want due to the influence around you. If you still think you are an accident, know you are not alone. I do not see my sexuallity as an accident, but my existence should not be possible according to medical diagnosis. Keep writing your story or illustrate it in which ever fashion you see fit. Life is the main struggle all living beings share. The additional aspects cause us to separate humanity into categories. It can be seen as a gift and a curse. Hope you will be able to see the grand picture you have be illustrating so far.

socialist's picture

I've tried to make myself straight before.

It obviously didn't work.

Yamamoto's picture

Guess you didn't try hard

Guess you didn't try hard egough then... did you?

lexisthecoolestpersonever's picture

Hey Yamamoto!

Ok, 1st let me applaud you. You're interesting, ok? Overly hostile, full of darkness & misery... if you hated people a little less you might find that you could be really popular! That tortured hero thing is in right now...

2nd, let me say that I'm not quite sure what you're trying to get out of this site. Do you want us to tell you to force yourself to become straight? Maybe you should try a Christian website for that...? Obviously on a website this touchy-feely/liberal we're all gonna tell you to try to accept yourself, it gets better, etc.

3rd, if you really want to milk the romantic tortured soul thing, I'd show a little more vulnerability. Describe how They bully you or something, make us feel sorry for you. But don't feel overly sorry for yourself, then we'll just think you're a narcissistic brat. Some hostility is a good thing, but remember--a little goes a long way!

Yeah, I'm just gonna sit back and wait for you to lambast me now. Should be fun!!!! :)

socialist's picture

I don't like you.

-

Yamamoto's picture

Hey Socialist buddy... don't

Hey Socialist buddy... don't feed the troll...

Hey troll... you mad bro? :P

Doctor Beastly's picture

Why should we fell sorry?

Not all help is rooted from an "Oh baby, come here and explain" area. If Yamamoto decides to write the way he has been writing, than we may not always understand at first. This is how some discussions carry on where ideas are written and/or spoken which all may not understand. Pushing Yamamoto to skip this site due to a perceived status of discussion is an incorrect course of action. Whether or not a romantic tortured soul can be found, it is not a soul others can defined. As for socialist, who do you not like? Can not tell if you are directing the comment to Iexistthecoolest... or Yamamoto. Has anyone read a post from Nashville cowboy since this was setup?

Yamamoto's picture

I believe he was talking

I believe he was talking about not liking the troll... I believe last time I checked that me and socialist where friends. I hope this is still the case :S

Doctor Beastly's picture

Thanks for clearing it up

Glad to read you are friends.

Doctor Beastly's picture

Thanks for clearing it up

Glad to read you are friends.

lexisthecoolestpersonever's picture

Hey Dr. Beastly!

Yamamoto obviously doesn't want our help. He wants to annoy us (at least that's my conclusion after reading the whole thread--notice how he subtly changes viewpoints depending on who he's talking to). His nefarious plot appears to be working, so basically, I was trying a different tactic to annoy him back. Sorry for annoying you in the crossfire :)

By the way, it's LEX is the coolest person ever. As in, me ego moi etc. (I'm just another tortured romantic soul clinging desperately to my arrogance as a shield to protect me from the harsh realities of the world.)

Doctor Beastly's picture

Enjoy your game

Oh well, help is not always the item being seeked.

Yamamoto's picture

Actually to tell you the

Actually to tell you the truth sinice I wrote in this thread I really don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care what my sexuallity is because frankly I don't think anyone is going to date me so it doesn't matter. Even if I want to date guys, there is still another 50% that needs to be answer... and that is form the other gay guys, and frankly they have all just treated me quite rudely for no reason really... so I have just decided to completely throw myself into my studying and just forgo friendship and human compainship... Was able to get a 1000 word report and over 100 pages of reading done in a single day, along with all my chores... Man people are a waste of my fucking time.

Sinice I am sure Lex will make a smart remark, I am going to say that Oasis is the place I pour out all my fustrations. In the real world I am a pretty nice guy to everyone. It is the fact that no one seems to be nice back that causes me to come on here and rage against everyone and everything. Besides Lex what is your fucking purpose here anyway? Are you just trying to troll me into leaving or somthing? I am curious, becuase that has already been tried and I am not fucking going anywhere. I like it here to much and you can fucking suck my balls before I will be going anywhere. :D Uh Oh... I realized somthing... I just feed the troll... LOL XD

Doctor Beastly I really hope that you didn't think I was playing a game and that wasn't directed at me... becuase if so I would like to talk to you in PMs to straight out what is obviously a misunderstood precepition... that is being prepatrated by a troll :(

jeff's picture

Re: the original post...

I don't think society is anti-gay because most of the love songs are hetero and the movies are hetero, etc. They are the minority, just the way it goes.

Similar thing happens with any racial minority, in which case Seinfeld and Friends aren't seen as heterosexual, they're seen as an all-white cast.

If you get into books and DVDs, you can get tons of LGBT representation there. Also, there are tons of gay musicians, just not on the radio... so, you do have to work harder if you want that sort of thing.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Yamamoto's picture

Yeah, but usally all of

Yeah, but usally all of those things suck complete and udder ass in whatever feild it is in aslo... :P So you usally have to settle for less also if you want that sort of thing :)

anarchist's picture

Probably,

but Presque Rien looks good. Too bad there are no versions with subtitles.

jeff's picture

Err...

http://www.opensubtitles.org/en/search/sublanguageid-all/idmovie-3462

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

anarchist's picture

I just found a version of the film that downloads and comes with

subtitles: http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4359374
I don't know why I couldn't find this last time I looked.

johanas's picture

Never wanted to be straight

Hi.

I have known that I was gay since the age of about 9 and am now in my early 50's. At the start it was a little troubling and I kept a low profile at school to avoid any trouble. Once I was free and out in the world it was never an issue. I moved to California in my early 20's and spent a very happy couple of decades there living as a totally open and out gay man. Maybe it was the answer. When you are surrounded by other gay people and in a more tollerant society the issue becomes a non issue. As I matured (in years) the need to be with my own "tribe" became less and I moved back to the UK. I now live back in mainstream society. My friends of course know but I no longer feel that others need to know what I do in bed; which is admittedly very little now! I have never wanted marriage or kids and maybe I am unusual in that respect. I have had a wonderful and exciting life and have been much more free in that respect than I would have been had I been dealt different cards. I guess that is the point: we are dealt cards and have to make the best of what we have. I have never for more than a nano second wished that I was straight. Once I realised that I was gay the next decision was "OK, what am I going to do about it?". Living a lie or trying to change never even occured to me. I wish the young people going through this all the best and hope that they will realise that it is not the end of the world and a very happy life still awaits them. Being straight, getting married and having kids is no guarantee of happiness either. Look around you...........

lexisthecoolestpersonever's picture

Run for the hills....

Heeeey, I'm baaaaack. Socialist not liking me scared me away for a while, but I was kind of curious about how Yamamoto would reply, so I decided to return. Must say, Y, I liked your reply. A lot less hostile: cool. Nah, I didn't want to chase you away; I guess I just didn't realize my opinions were so inflammatory. I live in this little bitty town where no one is gay, so I kinda had to figure everything out on my own. Thought the internet might be able to help me. I believe you asked what my purpose on this site is? Answer: the same fucking purpose as everyone else. Finding solidarity, knowing I'm not alone in this world, etc etc. A boyfriend might be nice too :). But, no, not until after college, not until I've moved out--the parents are Catholics, cue scary music (thank God that they're computer-illiterate Catholics that don't know how to check browsing history). In their minds, I AM evil, which is why I can sympathize with you, Y, about wanting to be straight. That's why I chose this forum. Didn't really expect to find everyone at my throat, but, hey, I'm used to the role of rabble-rouser :):). I love picking those fights, especially with such starry-eyed idealists as Socialist. I'll say it again, although I'm feeling increasingly deja vu-ish: sorry, Socialist.