need a band-aid for my soul
cover the leaks with tape
ignore the problem and maybe it will go away.
i wish i could go away.
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(When you feel like dying everyone says that you should tell someone. Anyone. I went to the only person I thought I could trust 100%, to someone who I thought might be able to understand.
"If that's really how you feel, then just fucking do it."
You don't wish for someone sick to get worse. You don't call someone with an eating disorder fat. And you don't tell anyone to end their life.
I feel so hurt and betrayed. To let someone in on something you've never been able to tell anyone, to strip your soul bare, to reveal yourself, and to be told something like that, that you're lazy and a coward, is true, maybe, but mean.
So February, I ask you to be kind. The past months have been cruel and I have been especially cruel to myself.)