Is fucking weird.
Most of the actual fear was the anticipation on the way to the bungee jumping place, and then I was over it mostly by the time we got there, I'd mastered myself.
And then it came back a bit when I saw the bridge, and how very, very high it was, 200 feet above the river.
And a bit more when I walked out on the bridge and was able to look through the holes in the metal grating surface and see how the river looked even farther away at the top of the bridge.
And then I saw people jump off, and it was weird.
And then, finally, it came right down to it, being hooked into the actual bungee cord, and stepping up right to the edge.
That was far and away the most terrifying thing, because the drop looked a lot different than before because now there was no railing and I knew full well I was jumping off this mofo.
It's like shit's just got real, motherfucker.
And I just stared at the huge, huge drop, knowing that for the first time in my life, I was going to jump off something and there wasn't going to be ground there in a few feet, I was going to be fucking freefalling for 200 feet till that thing caught me.
Then the guy quickly counted off a 54321, which I guess he does so people don't pause to think too long in this moment of abject surrealism, one of the weirdest moments of my life.
A few seconds later came the most intense sensation of my life.
Now, I don't know if girls feel it, I guess they probably do, but I'm pretty sure nearly all guys do, the feeling kinda in your bladder area, inside your pelvic region somewhere, a kind of sensation that seems intense and acute even if you can't tell exactly where it's coming from, whenever you experience a dropping sensation.
You don't feel it very often, sometimes on plane flights while descending there'll be a sudden downward acceleration and you feel it, or if you're on a very, very hilly road going pretty fast, going down the hill will give you that sensation, or of course most intensely, on roller coasters.
It's a kind of feeling that's among the most intense you ever feel, really, even more so than that of sexual pleasure, and I'm not really even sure if it's pleasurable or not.
I mean, I wince when I feel it, but in pain or pleasure, I dunno, really I don't. But one thing about it is that it's intense.
Well, even riding the massive roller coaster Goliath at Magic Mountain had nothing on this, jumping off the bridge, it was the most intense thing I'd ever felt in my life. I couldn't resist grabbing the bungee cord thing because although I knew it wouldn't arrest my fall in the least, it was a huge instinct for me to grab something to try to stop my fall, but there was nothing, I was powerless.
That's why I looked a little less than spectacular in the facebook photos, because I just grabbed the cord and hugged it, I couldn't help it, the feeling of helplessness and desperation and intensity was so strong.
In the photos, I look like a bit of a pussy, really.
But nothing, nothing can even compare in the least to actually being there.
Like seriously, even being there and being on the bridge, behind the railing, was nothing, nothing, not even comparable to having no railing anymore and walking to the edge, intending to jump off it.
If you guys are facebook friends with me, my brother posted photos, I look like a total fucking pussy, while my brother handled it like a man, but whatever, I really can't explain what it was like.
Seriously, go bungee jumping at some point in your life.
Oh, and CAG commented on one of the photos. It was pretty cool :P