I seem to have fought off some of my depression. Feeling a bit better. Life continues running its circle. I've continued writing poetry, and I've really stepped up as far as poetic maturity goes. Of course, others could read my poems and laugh and find them overdone or pretentious, but I write for myself. I'm putting the finishing touches on my second poem and my head is full of ideas for others. I think poets can only be successful when they're miserable. Depression breeds art, I suppose.
Brittany complimented my new hair color today. Infinite happiness. I also stole her comfy chair, the chair she sits in everyday cuz she's the boss, just to get her attention. I'm not really fretting over whether or not I'll be able to text her, because I know I will eventually. I just hope eventually isn't too late. I dreamed that we held hands in journalism and everyone was telling us how cute we looked. I'm worried that I'm obsessed. But oh well. That's what teenage romance is--obsession.
Another opportunity to come out presented itself, and I didn't take it because I'm a fucking idiot. My three friends and I were sitting in Health class, and one of them was talking about a hot guy, and I was very uninterested and showed it. Then the girl says, "Oh, well I'm not a lesbian like Jenna is." Another friend turns to me and asks, "Whoa, Jenna, you're a lesbian?" She didn't even ask in a hostile or contemptuous way--she acted genuinely curious, and nonthreatening. And yet I still denied it. I could've just said yeah and been all cool beans and shit. It just happened really quickly and unexpectedly I guess. Didn't have time to prepare for it, and it sucks to be put on the spot like that.
Speaking of being pathetically in the closet, we're discussing sexuality in AP Psychology, which is awesome. I was worried my teacher would out me in front of everyone, but of course he didn't. Irrational fears. Ya gotta love 'em. Supposedly only 1-2% of women are gay. Fucking great. How am I gonna find my soul mate when there are so few of us out there? Anyway. We're learning a shit ton of theories about why people are born gay. Apparently there are differences in the right hemisphere of the brain between straight men and gay men. And scientists are working on isolating the cluster of genes that could cause homosexuality. I hope they're never successful. That could cause so many problems in the future.
I got my first parking ticket. I started parking next to my friends at the movie theater, and the city gave us all 25 dollar tickets. A warning would've been nice. And there was no sign posted or anything that told us parking there was prohibited. Total bullshit. Nobody sees movies during school hours anyway. Who are we hurting? So now I have to walk a long way again. Oh well. 25 dollars isn't that bad, but that's a whole tank of gas gone. And since my job is so iffy right now...I'm trying to save as much as I can.
My friend who's not really my best friend. Amber. She's keeping her note to me, the one I've waited a month for, because she has to add stuff to it, but whatever. I'll just make her wait a long time for my note to her, and she'll get a taste of her own medicine. She showed me an almost nude pic of Mila Kunis she has on her phone and told me she wants to be fuck buddies with her. Ha. That girl's sexuality confuses the hell outta me. I know it seems that she's bi, but I'm thinking she falls somewhere in between heterosexual and bisexual. There's a whole spectrum, y'know.
My laptop won't let me access my internet. It works fine otherwise, but when I open up Internet Explorer, it gives that annoying message. "This web page could not be found" or whatever. So I'm using my mama's laptop right now. Ugh.