home is wherever I'm with you

the_loser's picture

I think I will be okay. I don't know what will happen. I may be over reacting, who knows. But I'd rather be prepared for the worst. I'm going to be here whenever she needs me. I hope that's ok. She loves me. She is worried she will never be happy on her own. Why can't she understand sometimes people need help before they can be their own person? We are changing. That's ok. I can change with it. I feel like I'm maturing. I don't feel selfish anymore. I've realized this the past couple days. I don't care how I feel about it. I don't care if I'm sad. Her not calling me is nothing personal against me. Her not thinking about me isn't anything important because she is going through something that inhibits normal feeling like that. It's not her fault. She can't help it. I love her not because she loves me.

I love her for her. She is trying to find herself and see who she is. Re-evaluating everything she knows. Her beliefs, feelings, desires. But she knows she loves me. I love her for the kind of person she is and I know she'll rise out of this. In loving her I cannot be selfish anymore. I am changing. I don't care how I feel, only how she feels. I would take all her feeling into me if I could because I see how it kills her. But then she wouldn't grow. When this passes, and it may take a long time, we will be stronger. I hope she knows we can make it. I know we can. She never said or implied she has thought about breaking up. But I need to tell her how I am changing so she can understand. She knows I would do anything for her and I'm always there for her. I've always been there for her. But this time is different because she is the only one who can change herself. She is the only one who can get out of this. I just want to be with her while she does it, even if I am no help. I hope she wants me there too.