I'm getting back into poetry.

radiosilence95's picture

Damn. I was going to post an essay I wrote for AP English, but that's on my account at school, not on my laptop's hard drive. Neither is my editorial about technology for the school paper. I'll get those tomorrow and post them later. So here's the first two parts of a poem I've been working on. I took a reallyyy long break from poetry, but recently I've started writing it again. So here it is. Honest opinions are much appreciated.

Cycle I: Scraped Knees and Freedom

I was born in another world
One that was limitless, yet confined
By my ignorance of evil,
By the scope of my perfect design

Infinity lay beneath my muddied sneakers,
Creativity gently escorted me to secret places
I carried innocence and candy in my pockets,
My childhood concreted by many loving faces

Adventure coiled beneath every rock and twig
Seeking it was, in itself, a satisfying game
I metamorphosed into explorers and heroes
The only constant of my existence was my name

Cycle II: The Deception

But animosity became a familiar distortion,
And my imagination quietly withdrew
My birthright of havoc and tribulation
Forced cracks in the foundation of my youth

I was uprooted from my sacred little domain,
Tossed into the turbulence of prepubescent life
Magic was suddenly drained of its potency,
Until I became acquainted with stress and strife

The tragedy lies not within this shedding of innocence,
This necessary departure of the untainted child’s soul
The true tragedy lies within our ignorance of it all,
That we don’t even recognize it until we’re weary and old

Keep in mind that this is a rough draft. I know it needs some tweaking, some revision, but I think it's pretty okay, considering this is the first poem I've written in like a year.

Comments

Lehcure's picture

It carries a sad message to

It carries a sad message to the reader, but it's true. Honest opinion, I enjoyed reading it. What do you think about not recognizing our loss of innocence until we're at an old age is tragic?

radiosilence95's picture

We never really treasure our

We never really treasure our childhood while we're still young. It just suddenly hits us one day how old we've gotten. Our childhood just kind of slips through our fingers, and we don't miss it until it's gone. That's what's so tragic about realizing our loss of innocence when we're old.

elph's picture

So true...

...and I'm absorbing that reality!

radiosilence95's picture

The sad thing is...

I'm 16, and I've already faced that realization. I already miss my childhood, and it's not even that far behind me! If I'm already feeling nostalgic now, imagine how I'll feel when I'm 60...

elph's picture

Regrettably...

...I've got that goal beat! But... :)

Lehcure's picture

That makes complete sense...

That makes complete sense... It makes me think about the need to truly cherish every day as we grow older, which is something I've failed to do many times. Hmm, I'm definitely going to have to think about this more often. Thank you for sharing the wisdom you've been gifted with!

Dracofangxxx's picture

AMYGDALA! ;)

Kidding. This IS actually pretty nice and not too pretentious ;)

-
That's redick!

radiosilence95's picture

XD

Not TOO pretentious? Are you suggesting that I'm one of those snobby, superficial, pretentious poets even just a little bit? How dare you! :P

But seriously, nothing you would change? Nothing you would suggest to make improvements?

Dracofangxxx's picture

I carried innocence and

I carried innocence and candy in my pockets,
My childhood concreted by many loving faces

This felt awkward and kinda pretentious :P
Does innocence melt in your pockets, too? :P As far as I was a kid, i didn't put candy in my pockets, either. But I suppose that's a personal choice. It was my least favourite line 'cause it seemed a bit dramatic. And. I didn't have many loving faces in my childhood XD I guess it made me feel weird 'cause I was neither innocent, nor surrounded by loving faces.

But maybe it's just me??
-
That's redick!

radiosilence95's picture

Yeah. I need to fix that

Yeah. I need to fix that line. It does seem...awkward somehow. Plus it's kind of a filler line, if you know what I mean. I didn't put an incredible amount of thought into it.

I always had candy with me when I was a kid. And I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by loving faces, AND I was very innocent until around the age of 11 or 12. Didn't know about sex, greed, hatred, any of that. Really this poem is about MY childhood specifically, so I can't really generalize and write things that can apply to everyone.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I agree :P

But I had to explain why I, myself, thought it was awkward :P
-
That's redick!

RainbowTime's picture

good poem

now realizing i didn't really have a normal childhood

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

radiosilence95's picture

Thanks.

We all have different upbringings, I suppose. What was so abnormal about your childhood?

RainbowTime's picture

well,

a very drunk abusive father figure who disappeared when i was 12 and i still haven't forgiven him
a closed minded abusive mother who tortured us mentally actually Jenna get off lightly im really the one how raised her since she was 3 :L

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies

radiosilence95's picture

Yikes.

Sorry dude. But one thing to consider is that you are who you are because of the things you struggled through as a child. I think it's probably made you stronger.

RainbowTime's picture

i guess your right

although still regret some things

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies