Hi! Firstly, I'm new to this. I'm 17, female.
Starting off, I am questioning my sexuality, as the you may have guessed from the topic.
Around two years back I first confronted myself with the question, wanting to be honest with myself. Of course there was a girl that I think I liked, that made me start questioning. What followed was complete confusion for a really long time, with me questioning every move I made. I related everything to the issue, even 'testing myself' by which I mean asking myself whether I was attracted to anyone, girl or boy, on TV or anywhere. It was quite a bad patch and it sort of just went off, what with a new class and the pressure of studies. Mostly though, I think I just got over the girl.
Now, I'm back in the same situation. There is a girl and a boy that I like. I have told four people, including both of them, and they took it well, but I haven't told them that I like them. Things have actually gotten a bit better. I have sort of accepted the idea that I may be bisexual. Or atleast I am trying to.
So now for my real question. Yesterday, I just sent her a message, asking her how she was, since it had been a while. She called up, instead of answering, and as soon as I saw her name on the phone calling I freaked out. I mean, I answered the phone, and my heart was beating fast, and I started feeling very hot, and I was just freaking out, thinking 'oh my god she has called to ask what's up, what should I say, this is awkward I don't know how to have these conversations!' and she told me she couldn't reply by message which is why she called, and I guess she could sense that I was feeling off so she just asked me a course related question, which I very relievedly answered. I was very relieved that she didn't want to talk, since I am sort of awkward at those sort of conversations.
This has never happened with her before, and not with the guy either.
But the reaction I had, to the call, somehow, I now feel like I'm in denial. Am I in denial about my feelings? Am I really gay, just making up my feelings for the guy in order to be bisexual, as a sort of 'compromise'?
I feel like I like the guy, but I don't have that 'heart beating fast, start feeling hot' sort of thing that always happens in books and stuff.
And also, yesterday after the 'episode', I said to myself, 'so what if I'm gay. I'm not bothered by what other people say. I'll make it work.' But it still felt like, a dead end.
Any thoughts? Anyone going through the same thing? Am I in denial? What should I do????