in need of help, opinion. something.

ohgollygeeweezwhy's picture

I have recently graduated college. i left home knowing who i was four years ago, but now i have returned to my home town and i must face what i ran away from. I recently moved into a house owned by my parents with a sibling (he knows whats up). I fear what my parents will think, having close calls before, knowing what they think about the subject. Which is extremely negative. If it were up to me i wouldn't tell them for a long time. I wanted to at least get a big girl job, be on my own (the house i am living in i am hoping to not be there for longer than a year) but i have developed some sort of anxiety, pressure in my chest, numbness, etc. I even went to the ER thinking something was wrong with me, only to be told that it was all in my head. Yes i have been dealing with a lot of pressure-stress, dealing with school crap that i don't even want to get into, but i did it and i am done with that (my parents think this is what i am feeling sick). I sat and wondered why this is happening (i can't even drive without hyperventilating and forcing myself to push forward, but i don't know how long i can handle doing this to myself) when it hit me. I feel so much guilt for keeping this from my parents. You see, they are helping me out saying 'don't worry about rushing into a job until you are better' as they are telling me this i say in my mind 'well only if you knew you wouldn't be doing this for me' I feel like a liar, and i have been avoiding this for 5 years, but now my body is failing me. i feel disabled. how can i get a job if i can't even drive myself to the interview? i fear so much, but i feel like it isn't much of a choice anymore for me to keep this from them. my girlfriend who lives where i went to college is scared for my health and is trying to get me just to tell them, but she doesn't understand how my parents are. if i tell them and shit hits the fan, then what? more stress, more anxiety? where will i live and if worse comes to worse, they may take the car from me that they gave me years ago.. etc etc, thoughts are endless. I know i must expect the worst scenario. any thoughts on the subject?

RainbowTime's picture

ok ive been through this

my mums a closed minded bitch but its so much worse if they don't find out from you both my dad and my GF's parents said that they would have been so much happier if we told them ourselves

and for the car there is no way they can take that of you its your property

i know it will be very hard but its better to come out try to bring it up on your terms but it does get better after they know

i only drink irn bru and the occassional blood of my enemies