Sinice People Never Take Me Seriously... Part II

Yamamoto's picture

(I am not joking with what I am going to talk about in this thread so don't even dare fucking act like I am joking or I will never speak to you again)

I have come to realize that I will never be able to have sex by normal means.... I mean who wants to have sex with a ugly, fat, impotent, 21 year old virgin anyway... (Fior those who didn't know... I can't get it up... and yes I take pills... no they don't work...)

So I have deicded to try and think of other methods for virginity loss so maybe I can finally cure half of what is causing my depression. I will cure the dating part some other time... But cutting my sadness in half in the short term will most certianly make me look better for dating and allow me to survive and not accidently comment sucide bettewen now and the end college...

So one of my ideas was rape... but that is illegal so I decided not to do that.... the other was commiting a crime and getting a prison raped, and that one is still on the table... but I don't want to hurt anyone.

The other is maybe whoring myself... though I am not sure how one goes about setting that up?... Also maybe somthing to do with porn... I don't know :S Do you guys have any ideas?

You did with why my last werid request so I was hoping maybe you could help me out here. Oh and I planned on posting up some pictures form the date me and my cat Elizabeth are having tommorw... I am sure you guys will think it is adoreable :D

Comments

elph's picture

I do sympathize...

You're facing genuine problems... and they should not be dismissed or trivialized.

I, however, am at a total loss as to what I could recommend that would help you turn fate around: The best I can come up with is that you be completely open and honest with your counselor(s)! They are very aware about the devastating effects many medications have on one's libido. Let them know exactly how you feel!

You may be placing too much emphasis on the goal of losing your virginity! Your definition could be a bit too rigid.

These steps should be helpful: Take pride in your appearance, friendliness, and physical health. Do your level best to exercise (this, in itself, will greatly help in developing self-respect), to eat nutritionally, and to achieve a healthful weight... these steps should amount to a personal commitment for the rest of your (hopefully long) life!

Doctor Beastly's picture

What is the rush?

Sad you are trying out the medication at such a young age, but why the choices for sexual encounters. Since you do not want to committ a rape, why would you want to go to prison. Unless you see yourself as the one being raped in this senario. Still would not want to see you go down that road. In terms of being a whore, I can not stop you from living your life, but what type of whore are you thinking of being. If you do it for cash, well the pleasure maybe the payment than the experience. If you are taking about having sex with all those willing, just protect yourself from the unexpected. As for the whole of worrying about being a virgin at 21, I hope this does not coincide with a sense of manhood or being too old to not have sex yet. I have not played under the sheets either, so if you need to talk to someone, I am up to talk about it.

Yamamoto's picture

Well it is ethier no pills

Well it is ethier no pills and no erection... or take pills and get an erection. I am open and honest about my libido problem Elph, but the thing is that I have tried many meds over my life... and this is frankly the only one that works, but at the same time it causes me to be impotent... if I don't take it I get sucidal and start to act very manic... and just go batshit nuts... even if I miss taking it for a day the same thing still happens. So I can't stop taking it.

I just want someone to fuck me is all Beastly... just to have some sense of feeling desired is all. I mean at this point in my life I have never ever had anyone show any insterst in me as a person in that manner. I wonder sometimes if people just see me as a sexless being becuase I am disabled... I don't really care about anything, but feeling sexuallity desired... oh and the ability to say that I have lost my virginity, becuase I am tried of being surronded by all of you teenagers who are able to say it... when I can't even say I have had my first kiss... hell I have never even been hugged affectionatly by anyone except my own family. I just feel so behind and childish that it is insulting... and plus the longer I go without it, the more my resentment and hate towards humanity grows becuase this is one of those things that I have to depend on other people for... becuase I can only do 50%... the other person has to be the other 50% if you understand what I mean.

So it pisses me off that all my work of being well educated, dieting, working out, eating right... and just generally being a pleasent person(Which you guys don't see much becuase I use Oasis to bicth.) Yet still I get nothing for it... when some of the biggest douchebags... such as my roomate who sent me to the hosptial with a chair and got away with it... get women after women all the fucking time... frankly I have settled and I will fucking have sex with girl even if though I am not attracted to them just to increase my chances and it still doesn't work. Frankly I don't know what I am doing wrong anymore... maybe I should just start being a fucking asshole and beating the shit out of people... maybe then I will get people to be attracted to me.

Elph stop telling me to do a bunch of things we have already discussed in my above post that I am doing... you alway do it which makes me wonder how close you read my post.

You guys have to understand... all this anger, rage, and depression you guys see is based sqaurly on my single status and the fact I can't get laid... I am pretty much happy and quite satisfyed with everything else in my life.

elph's picture

I have just a moment...

...before I start out on a ~400 mile roundtrip.

However: "Elph stop telling me to do a bunch of things we have already discussed..."

Sorry, but this merely reflects my frustration! I wish I had more to offer... but I just don't. :(

If getting laid is not currently in the cards... Why not give genuine friendliness a try... even with those you may now consider as being a bit antagonistic towards you? You might be in for a pleasant surprise! Friends are great... even if they may not be able to soothe your libidinal desires.

(Actually... I'm a little surprised that if your meds suppress the ability to achieve an orgasm, they don't also suppress the desire... odd... but something I've never experienced!)

btw... I've no familiarity with Viagra (and other similar meds). But, have you discussed this possibility with your doctor?

Yamamoto's picture

I have discussed meds of the

I have discussed meds of the nature like Viagra and my doctor said that he would give me those, but do to cost constrants sinice that is a medication my mom would have to pay for directly... My mother will not get it for me until I am actually in a relationship, or have someone I need to use such things with...

I don't have anyone I want to be friends with... but I am genrally friendly to everyone so I don't really see the point that you are trying to make there... becuase that is somthing I am already doing and frankly the result have been what I have talked about before.

I also would like to explian my reason for not wanting friends... it is that they are not great. All they do is make my problem worse, becuase when they get relationships and I don't it only makes me hate them... and plus it makes me hate women even more becuase they just attract my friends attention and stuff like that. Now please bare in my that I keep these emotions pretty much bottled up and just hang around my friends anyway, so really it all comes to a head in that interntally instead of externally distructive. So no I don't want friends until this problem can be fixed so that way I can be a friend that someone deserves and not someone who wishes that they would die and is secertly happy about there every failure.

Now you may ask me why I don't just stop doing this, and believe me I have tried, but I just can't. This need for a relationship has been deeply in grained in me and is not helped by the social media and the site of other couples (Real or imaganry) that I am bombared by everyday... I am sorry, but I don't think it is going to be somthing I can make go away until I have done what it is that I wish to do so badly.

Doctor Beastly's picture

Please do not feel stressed over your desire.

Well, it can be tough not being able to talk to people about about the "statuses." When I told my friends in high school I had not dated, kiss, or had sex, they made it they supposed goal to hook me up before they graduated. That goal was not reach. In college, I have been able to talk to my female friends about it, while my male friends have not made it a direct topic of just my love life.

With the issues of using pills aside, sometimes I wonder what the deal with sexual realtionships being a listed item to achieve early on is. If you can dream and feel desire, why not pursue it may be a lovely conclusion, but right now I love being in the company of others. At times I laugh with delight when friends ask about what I may have to say in regards with their love lives. As if is the universe humans will not fully understand.

At this point, the only advice I could give is keep on fishing. If your pond or body of water is your college campus, it is only a small portion of the ocean of potential mates. It is the same advice I told my other friends who want to find someone among the boundaries of their campuses, yet have not been able to catch the big one yet. I would suggest some songs, but you may be passed the point of wanting to hear about love in so many different words.

Well I will stop for now, and hope you well. You have written you do not want friends, but you may find who you are looking for from a friendship you do create. Whether or not your affectionate hugs come from partners, lovers, or friends, I hope you experience the feeling. It definately helps to know I have people who love and care for me as a friend.

Yamamoto's picture

Sorry Angel I checked and

Sorry Angel I checked and there where none avaiable in my area... Though thank you for the suggestion. :(

Actually my anger Beastly comes form the fact I don't think there is anyone at this college that I want(Especially sinice every single openly gay person I have meet here was a asshole who has been very rude and ingored me. As well was very intruppting in coversations). I frankly hate the normal method of trying to find a date becuase there is just no way for me to put on good egough first impression in the confidence and and social area to attract someone becuase of my Aspergers. I have never been able to do it becuase it is just not possiable for me. I have not been able to cacth the big one by normal dating methods which is my above reason for giving up and seeking these odd methods...

I doubt I would... becuase for me if I suspect someone is gay... well then I try and figure it out... and if I can't then I ask them directly... and if they say no I never speak to them again, and if they say they are then I ask them out. If they say no to that I also never speak to them again. I don't make friends with people who are potential mates, becuase that is just werid and frankly I never want to see the faces of them of if they deny me. So no I really don't want to get to caught up in a friendship with someone and have to break it off just because they didn't want to date me and just keep it friends... and no hugs form guy friends never happen. I have never had a guy friend be willing to hug me. I live in the South where most guys are very closed minded about those kinds of things. Plus I refuse to hang out and be friends with women becuase I think they are evil and are the enemy sinice they steal friends and where the cause of me become a queer... wethier or not it is was becuase they wouldn't date or my mom ended up birthing me this way... I don't care which... it was a womens fault at some point. So I refuse to befriend them.

angel syndrome's picture

If you really just want to

If you really just want to get laid, post an ad on craigslist in the men-seeking-men section. I don't know about you, but in my city it's full of ads. Be prepared to ward off creepy people though.

Yamamoto's picture

Sorry Angel there where none

Sorry Angel there where none avaiable in my area... Though thank you for the suggestion. :(

Dracofangxxx's picture

Really? That is really suprising...

I'd think if you posted one, tons of closet gays would rush out there to get some :P
-
That's redick!

Yamamoto's picture

Doesn't work as esay as one

Doesn't work as esay as one would think... :(

cheese's picture

I've

tried that before. haha. i met this one chick on there. she was nice. but i couldnt really picture myself with her. lol. I might try that again, actually.

"So can you tell me what's left when everything you care for carries on, when broken dreams are built to make you strong. When the memories of yesterday fall through these broken dreams are built to help you through." ~Authority Zero

Doctor Beastly's picture

I'll continue to listen

Well, I hope you find someone to fulfill your desires and possibly someone you can spend time with. This may have been said before, but you are still young.