AM I THAT BAD OF A PERSON??

INEEDANSWERS's picture

AM I THAT BAD OF A PERSON??

My daughter and I got into it today. I really didn't want to have "that" talk again about her being Gay today... but somehow we got on the subject (I think she brought it up?). She basically told me that she doesn't want to continue to talk to me about this subject "because I'm me". She said that I am judgmental, cold-hearted, and think that I'm perfect. I WAS SHOCKED!! I have been nothing but loving, kind, and easygoing to her. Let me remind you all that I am not her biological mother... she is my Foster Daughter. My love for her is pure and genuine. I am not obligated to care for her or forced to do ANYTHING for her. It really hurt when she said those things to me... it mad me want to cry. Maybe that's how she feels?? I don't know. But earlier today she couldn't stop telling me that she loves me... and when she said the prayer for dinner, she thanked God for giving her this family. So all of this really confuses me. Uuuuuuhhhhgggg. Its sad to say... But all of my daughters disrespect and her confusion makes me want to wash my hands with her. Doesn't she get that all I want is EVERYTHING good that this world has to offer for her???

Comments

MacAvity's picture

Hey.

She doesn't get it, you're right. You're not that bad of a person - in fact, I think you're an uncommonly good person. You're at a disadvantage because of the way you've been raised and the beliefs you've held until recently, but the very fact that you're trying to overcome that marks you as having a more open mind than most.

You've taken this girl into your life, and after only a few months you've come to love her like your own daughter. Now, for her sake, you're reexamining your very values. You're amazing.

The difficult part is how to let her know how amazing you are. I don't have an answer there, sorry. I wish I could help.

anarchist's picture

Is there a reason why you capitalize the word "gay"?

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INEEDANSWERS's picture

@Anarchist I don't know...

@Anarchist I don't know... It's kinda silly I guess :-/

~ A Concerned Parent

MaddieJoy's picture

Here is the opinion of a

Here is the opinion of a 14-year old girl. Do with it what you will.

First of all, you need to get over yourself, and I mean this in the most repectful of ways. Yes, you are an amazing person for adopting your daughter and taking her into your home. But so is my nanna, and she doesn't expect my mother to agree with her on everything based on the fact that she adopted her. You have to start thinking of yourself as your daughter's parent, not her adoptive parent who she owes everything to.

Secondly, and trust me when I say that I know what I'm talking about, this would have happened anyway. Your daughter would have said something terrible and offensive and hurtful to you even if she hadn't been outed. That's what 14 year old girls DO. We let off steam at the authority figure. And as the mother, that's going to be you. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. It means that you are her parent, and the one in charge, and the person who's nearby when she needs to yell at someone. I'm sorry, but that's just parenthood.

Finally, she does know that you love her and want EVERYTHING in the world that is good for her! But loving her isn't going to mean that she will never feel misunderstood or betrayed or just angry. These fights and mean words are a part of both of your lives and will help you grow as people. Unfortunately, I can't say that you will look back on this and laugh someday. But if you persevere, if you make sure that you are there for your daughter no matter WHAT, you will look back on this and know that it made you both stronger.

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

jeff's picture

Actually...

You keep saying you're her foster mother so you're not obligated to do these things for her... but, aren't you? I mean, sure, legally, you can kick her to the curb.

I do think this is a case of you getting someone as they are becoming an adolescent. So, the lesbian stuff seems like the driving factor here.

Whereas, if she was making out with a boy in her room and you busted in on her and kicked him out, she could also say you're judgmental, cold-hearted and perfect.

So, there are two factors at work. You have a lesbian daughter, and you have an adolescent daughter. It may be hard to tell which thing is at play at all times, and the waters can muddy between the two. But I think more of this stuff is adolescent than lesbian in origin.

Now, when she becomes vegan... that's the lesbian part.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

INEEDANSWERS's picture

@MaddieJoy THAT WAS

@MaddieJoy THAT WAS FA-NOMINAL ADVICE!! Thank you very much :)

@Jeff LMBO @vegan. Hahahaa....

~ A Concerned Parent