My sister and her friends seem to get some sick joy out of hurting me. Naturally, nothing is done about it, and if I take matters into my own hands and tell them to stop, I'm a monster who is meeeeeeaaaaan to babies! She acts like this on her own anyway, but it's a hundred times worse with her friends. She beats me up. I'm nearly twice her age, and she beats me up. She is 9 and regularly beats the hell out of a 17-year-old, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it, or else I'm a terrible sociopath who is mean to little children, or some shit like that.
Anyway, I just can't go a day without getting really, really, really angry at school, though. I just fucking LOATHE the constant babying and monitoring and the inability to trust students. Got nagged the other day by someone who wasn't even my teacher because I had a short, lighthearted conversation WITH MY ENGLISH TEACHER. These people are always doing so much nagging. Nag, nag, nag, shut the fuck up already. I love my English teacher because she doesn't nag or treat me like a small child. I could probably almost stand going to school, ALMOST, if I was actually treated like a functional person. The way the administration treats us, you'd think we had been raised by monkeys or something.
At home, I have pretty much been expected to be like an adult ever since my parents split up when I was 14. And it has worked. I mean, I never got into heroin or prostitution or any other nefarious thing, even though my parents aren't strict at all. The dissonance between the way I get treated at home and the way I get treated at school is just really enraging and upsetting, I guess.
They are so busy treating us like we're brainless and needlessly over-policing eveyrone that they don't even recognize real problems. Let's look at the chemistry class EVERYONE is failing, for example. I just made a big, fat 21 on my last test. That's a 21 out of 100. Now, I totally suck at math and science, but the highest grade was somewhere in the 50s... still an F. Having a class where all the students are failing is a legit problem, but it gets zero attention because some guy has gum in his mouth, and that is CLEARLY a motherfucking crisis.
Oh, also, I was convinced I had rabies for a day or so. I've been in hardcore hypochondriac mode lately. One of my sister's friends who came to our house got the stomach flu, so GERMS EVERYWHERE. But yes, rabies. A neighborhood kitty I feed sometimes wouldn't stop running in circles in front of me while I was carrying a bunch of stuff, so I nudged her away with my leg and accidentally kicked her in the face, and for a split second, it felt like she bit me. I can't find a mark or red place or anything, so I really don't think she did. After all, I have a mean cat who bites me all the time, and that shit leaves quite a mark... I dunno, I am just paranoid as hell, but I can't ignore this hungry, homeless kitty. I don't think she is diseased, though, because she is acting like her normal self.
I hate my hypocondria. I've been this way since I was 7, and it makes me so angry because it is so nonsensical. Although paranoia has made me very skilled at preventing disease, because I very, very rarely actually get sick... But it is so frustrating. I've gotten to where I don't even tell anyone offline about my anxieties because they'll just laugh at me, but I have to say them somewhere to make myself feel better. What's so bad is that I KNOW it's dumb.
Anyway, so I had a dream about FCG a few nights ago. I went clothes shopping in my dream, and for some reason, she worked at that store. When I saw her, we hugged, and I said I missed her, and then she just disappeared. It was very sad, and I am still beating myself up over the entire FCG thing. To anyone who ever finds themselves in a similar situation, I must say one thing: DON'T BE A SUPER DUCK. That is all.
Sooo, yeah. Oh, Hot Girl is torturing me with her hotness. I swear, it's almost like it's intentional or something, even though I know it's not. She always says all these hot things, but she is really the straightest girl EVER so it is torture! She is soooo hot! But she is so obsessed with dudes. Why does that always happen? Why can't I ever seem to meet a hot girl who is obsessed with chicks? That DOES happen, right? Of course it does. It must.
Sleep? Oh, yeah, I should probably go get some of this "sleep" you speak of...