Being Gay or bisexual and trying to change it

XxAmandaShortaayxX's picture

I need to know. Is there anyone struggling like me? and can anyone help or need mine?

Yamamoto's picture

I am pretty much right there

I am pretty much right there with you on trying to change things... but you will not get much help on this site for that... :( Sadly these people will do nothing but try and bash you and not provide you with any comfornt or help in whatever choice you are making at the time :'(

MaddieJoy's picture

That's not fair. You yell at

That's not fair. You yell at everyone when they try to help you. I think it's fine not to love being glbt. But it isn't something you can actually change.

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

jeff's picture


I think it is perfectly reasonable to change from gay to bi, or bi to gay. ;-)

But, if you mean change from GLB to straight, not as much. There are Xian camps that do it, which have been refuted by every major psychological association, so they exist. But most people eventually change back. The leading ex-gay group, Exodus, was founded by two guys... who eventually became a couple and spoke out against the ex-gay movement.

So, can you do it? Sure. It is healthy? Doubtful. Is this a good site for support for that? Not really.

Now, if you want to become more comfortable with the sexuality you have, then you're in the right place.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

ohshizzle's picture

PLEASE someone read this. I need help or advice or something

I feel the same exact way, I've thought maybe if I just dont think about being gay and don't give in into my thoughts. OR try to look at only girls the way I look at everyone. Its such a frustrating time, and the worst part is having to endure it alone. Nobody knows the torment I go through everyday... well no one in my life, Im sure lots of others are in the same scenario. I've always known I was different, when my friends thought girls were gross, I thought they were fun. My parents, mostly mom are totally against anything not straight. Living as a Christian makes it that much more difficult. People say the Bible says were a sin, so do I hate myself and lie to everyone I love. I avoid family events because Im so worried about people finding out that I dont even want to give them the opportunity to scrutinize. I pray to god but nothing happens, im afraid to come out because i Dont want to go to hell but I dont want to be a follower because of that, I want to have real FAITH but honestly I dont. I believe in a higher power but i dont know anymore I dont know anything. Im completely shut in hiding all the time I dont have a close relationship with my parents whatsoever Im terrible at meeting new people because being bi or gay always haunts me in the back of my mind because Im still trying to be straight. If i come out I fear most of my guy friends will shun me, not that I would be offended . I understand why its hard to be friends with gay people in our society because people are mean and peer pressure sucks. If I come out my life will completely flip flop. Ive basically accepted myself already but I think Ive accepted not coming out, Ive told myself Ill just be alone. Life will be easier and less painful that way. I want love so much, but everyone I fall for is straight... and sometimes my best friends. I hate myself sometimes, I was depressed for so long, battled drug addiction because that was the only time my friends would let me hug them without it being "gay" haha SO PATHETIC i know. I hate myself for that. I hate myself, and i used to hate my parents because I thought it was their fault Im gay... looking back though I think Ive always been this way. I never saw girls the way I see guys. I like girls and have been more sexually involved with them but very FEW make me feel the way guys do, I gross myself out when i say this. Unrequited love is the worst and I never wish it upon anyone. Ive loved 4 of my friends and its never returned. I put so much of my heart into making the m better and doing so much for them just so they can be happy, worst part is they all get or had girlfriends. I give them advice, im there vent space, shoulder to cry on... secrelty because you know manly men haha I just want them to be happy. Ive detached my feelings so much to avoid this that I cant even make friends anymore, to avoid getting hurt. I dont know what to do. I love my parents too much for them to have to deal with the family ostracizing them because of me, and thats why Ive pushed myself away from them too. so they dont think its their fault.. whos fault is it? Why would I want to choose to be hated voluntarily, why would I want to go through all the things I go through, why would i want to hate myself day in day out... Why? They say its a choice, but I cant choose otherwise. I have lots of friends dont get me wrong, im not hiding from life,life is still amazing I have an awesome job, Im succeeding in school, Im a talented dancer that holds back in fear of people thinking Im gay but everyone has their obstacle in life, and life could be way worse so imgrateful everyday that Im healthy, smart... goodlooking since I get hit on by guys and girls all the time but I feel ugly. Ive never spoken to ANYONE about this in my life and I need someone to help me.or just a response. my ability to make intimate relationships is dwindling and I feel Im going to be alone forever with lots of dogs... which I dont mind sometimes. but I want a partner, someone I can love and conquer the world with and push eachother reach our goals and full potential. I hope someone reads this sorry its so long but Im so lost. and im finally out of my 5 year depression now Im just completely anxiety taken over at times.

XxAmandaShortaayxX's picture

I feel youuu.

Yeah, I know. im right there too. Its okay. im here for yah (: AmandaaaKbabyy(:

radiosilence95's picture

Your feeings are not

Your feeings are not uncommon. Though it does seem like you're alone, there are plenty of other gay people out there who are equally depressed because of their sexuality. Most of us here on Oasis have already come to terms with our sexuality, and we have a positive outlook on it. Maybe by becoming a regular member here, you can surround yourself with people who are positive about their sexuality. The positive can be contagious, you know.

I'm not suggesting it's all sunshine and roses all the time, and I know this is an overused saying, but it really does get better. Time has a funny way of working its magic. A year from now, you'll read this comment you posted and be amazed by how much things have changed for you. Whenever I get depressed, I try to keep a steady stream of rational thoughts going. My mantra is "Okay, things seem awful now, but I'll conquer this eventually. It won't always be this bad."

Life is all about attitude. You will only fall into a pit of isolation and depression if your attitude allows that to happen. If you don't think you'll ever get through this, then you won't, but only because that's what you've allowed yourself to believe. People have an amazing ability to get through anything if they put their mind to it. We are resilient, and the things we endure make us stronger and wiser. What you're going through now will help you grow as a person.

Live day by day. Forget about being out to others, don't worry about anybody else but you for right now. Because you haven't even accepted your sexuality yourself yet. Not until you do that can you start focusing on being open to others. So, just forget about coming out to your friends or family...just focus on accepting yourself for the time being. Keep this to yourself until you can say that you love who you are. Once you become confident and accepting of who you are, then you can start focusing on coming out to others.

You'll be fine. I know things seem rough for you now, but trust me, you will be just fine.

MaddieJoy's picture

Whoa. i don't know what to

Whoa. i don't know what to say. I'm sorry you're depressed, and I'll send out some "good vibes" (as my mom says) for you. I really hope you can have a nice life and stuff, whether or not you tell your parents/famliy/friends.
Good luck!

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

stillgotlegs's picture

Your sexuality is irrelevant

Your sexuality is irrelevant really, anyone can act straight; it's whether that choice makes you happy or not. The reason why many here are against it is that it tends not to work. Often people expect those attractions to magically vanish, and start beating themselves up over it when they don't.

There is no fantastic cure, and people who say they can often adopt very damaging practices in order to do so. Why let someone mess around with your mind when you could just accept it and move on?


“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

jeff's picture

The easiest way to reframe this...

Is to imagine someone asking "I don't want to be black, why can't I be white?"

The entire notion would be silly to counsel someone asking this. But sexuality is just as fixed as race.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

Potter's picture

there are a few key

there are a few key differences here, though.

Many of us know what it is like to be straight, and we miss it, because it was easy and we didn't worry. We may not have been or whatever, but we thought we were.

You don't have to come out as being black, people just know it, you always were and therefore you don't lose friends because of it, you just didn't make them in the first place.

There is absolutely no way your family would have the slightest issue with it, as they all are too.

People don't doubt your blackness, you either are or you ain't.

we must choose between what is right and what is easy. - J. K. Rowling

jeff's picture


You can't miss what you never were, though.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

MaddieJoy's picture

Of course you can always

Of course you can always pull an MJ and bleach your skin and get a nose job...

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball