Came out.. AGAIN.

Potter's picture

I know I only just posted a journal entry, but there you go. I enjoyed it.

This may only be the fifth time I have come out, but I'm really starting to get pissed off with it. It takes me at least 3 hours to get it out (this was the record time last night) and I get so damn nervous.

It was to LL (I'm going to refer to people by letters on here I think) who is one of the new gang of mates I find myself hanging with these days. We were chatting on FaceyB, and I said something which I can't remember (I have a really very poor memory, I wrote that this was the fourth time before I remembered someone else, OH SHIT, it's the sixth time. HA I'm going to leave that because it's funny. The fifth time was fair enough to forget I think... I think I'll write them all down on here, that way I won't forget, my god if all my posts go on like this I'l get thrown out).

1st - SC - August 2011 - This is the friend who I have grown apart from. I sent her a long email, and she was cool, although she did make a point of saying "I'm here for you AS A FRIEND" which I thought was a tad unnecessary. Oh yeah I had a major crush on her at this point, but then she got anorexia, became super annoying and disgustingly thin. In sickness and in health ey. Just told her yesterday that I'm completely gay after all - not an issue.

2nd - AC - September 2011 - friend with the boyfriend. This one was slightly awkward, because I couldn't get the words out, and she was like "are you gay for SC?" In a sarcastic way, to which I said "well... yes, actually" But she was cool after that slightly sticky moment. Told her I was completely gay yesterday too.

3rd - JM - October 2011 - this guy is the ex boyfriend of SC. Can't really remember how this happened, I think I was pissed of with him going on and on about SC so I was like SHUT UP. I LOVE HER MORE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER. (He was a dick to her).

4th - GD - December 2011 - talked about this one in last post, he's my ex-boyfriend.

5th - VC - January 2012 - this was at a little new years eve gathering I had at my house for my old mates (we used to have a solid gang of me SC, AC, VC, and AG but AG couldn't make it) basically, she came out as bisexual (just a casual, oh yeah I'm bi in case you didn't know) and I was like ME TOO HIGH FIVE. So that was fun.

6th - LL - February 2012 - On FB chat, it was one of those situations where he was telling me about his past love life and I said (without thinking, this is one of the problems of not being out) do you not know any happy girls? And he said not really, except for you. So I said, yeah but I'm gay so I don't count. Whether or not he thought I was joking we have yet to find out. I'm not generally a serious person on FB chat, I find it a bit ridiculous but there you go. He doesn't like me like that by the way... I don't think. I'm taller than him and older so it would be odd if he did.

I think I'll see if I can right a short entry on here most mornings, it's a nice way to start the morning. Although, they will have to be much shorter when I go back to school.

Um... I think that's all... I have a feeling there was something else... I always have that feeling though... I'm talking to my dad way too much about gay issues, I worry he'll suspect because I get quite passionate. I'm not really worried about that it was just an aside. I think we all jump on any tiny thing anyone says that could be construed as homophobic because it gives us excuse not to tell them. Well I do anyway.

I woke up this morning and was like, I swear something important happened last night... Then I suddenly remembered and thought I'd post about it :) I dreamt about AM again. (the one I love) Like I do every night, I can't remember the details now though. Just that she was beautiful. Like always. Probably, it turned out she was gay and loved me too, that's how a lot of my dreams go.

I'm quite tired, I think I'll go back to bed now...

[edit]

7th - CC - February 2012 - On FB chat again. This time he definitely knows I was being serious though. This is gonna sound mega weird, because it probably is, there's a whole background to it which I cab to explain so yeah. Basically, we had this game going where I said it was impossible to offend me because a) I'm pretty uncaring and b) he doesn't actually want to offend me because he's nice so I don't take it seriously. Anyhow, I said I could easily offend him, so I asked him what he last cried about and said I'd just use that knowledge a couple of days later to make him cry again. So he tried the same tactic, obviously I didn't tell him why I last cried, so he tried to guess. He guessed right. Then he called me a faggot, I conceded defeat, told him he was a massive douchebag, and now everything's cool.