I've kinda disconnected more and more from the world, seemingly.
I think the problem is I need to start smoking weed.
I've started spending too much time thinking, thinking about the universe, and shit. Look at this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hubble_Ultra-Deep_Field
The Hubble Ultra Deep Field. 13 billion light years away.
I've been trying to wrap my head around that. I mean, seriously, look how vast, how incredibly fucking HUGE, that is. SERIOUSLY motherfucker, look at that shit. And contemplating the fact that THAT FUCKING SHIT IS ACTUALLY OUT THERE, THAT FUCKING SHIT ACTUALLY FUCKING EXISTS MOTHERFUCKER, it's so easy to think, here trapped on our little cosmic mote of dust, that the Earth is basically all there is. We look up, occasionally, at night, and we see stars, but there aren't too many, and those aren't too far away, I mean, just a few hundred light years, what is that really?
Those are in our fucking galaxy.
But what about outside the galaxy, in the Local Group. That only has a few galaxies in that, what's that, only a few hundred billion stars with perhaps as many planets to match?
And then outside in the Virgo Supercluster, our local cluster of clusters of galaxies.
And then there's only a few million or so of those.
Pretty comprehensive, right?
See, that's the fucking shit, I've started thinking, I've been thinking about that shit, and I've just lost total and complete interest in Earth, it's so fucking small. That's also why I haven't really been posting on here either... And so that's what I've been doing, I've been taking walks, bouncing on the trampoline, going to the beach and staring at it, taking baths and looking at the ceiling, cause I just can't stop fucking thinking.
Seriously. Fucking stop...
Perhaps if I just smoked weed I'd get all my wondering about the universe done in short spates, then I would be done and could stop thinking about it for a while.
I don't think I'm looking at this in the right way...
Also, I've just been so tired, recently. I don't know the reason for that, maybe I just need more sleep, but I feel physically tired, which I don't know why. I haven't been doing swimming, or anything.
I try to get some sort of exercise every day, walking, or running, or riding my bike, or jumping on the trampoline.
But then I'm just so tired I don't want to do any exercise or anything, I just wanna lay down, and that's what I do, nearly all day...
I think I need more sleep...
Recently, things have been, I dunno. I've just been distracted, you know, by my thinking, and also about something else, but I probably won't share that for at least a year or so, maybe more.
But, I did get a good talk with Jun yesterday. Class ends up kinda awkward, cause we get random eye contact at random points in the class, like I look over there and he's already looking at me :P
Then I dunno what to do so I just look away and it's reeeaaaally awkward.
And then I got a good talk with him yesterday, but it was kinda awkward, because, I'm pretty sure by now that both of us know the other's game, and that we just don't want to admit it, but hopefully will do so before long...
I'll give myself till the Day of Silence, when's that, in April? If that doesn't inspire any discussion or any... prompting, by that point, I'm going to be a not very happy man, we'll put it that way.
And hopefully before then, I'll have to become more courageous than I have been, I just so rarely have any opportunity, we sit on opposite sides of 1 class in which there is little discussion except the teacher talking and asking questions, so no like group work to get to know others over.
I need to figure that out, man.
I mean, he's really, really bad at texting, like I've texted him I dunno, at least a dozen times, and he responded once, with 2 texts before disappearing.
It seems like me, Anarchist, and Jenna all kinda have our little crushes we're not yet courageous enough to really approach them, and now it's valentines day, and we're still foreveralone.
Oh, and gay marriage is now legal in Washington. WELL, okay, it's not, yet, it will be in June something I think, but the bill is passed and signed and will take effect then.
GOOD THING we have good old shit and lube Santorum to hightail it up here and resume telling us how we should live our lives, and help inspire the other opponents to sign a petition.
Like seriously, I don't even know why this discussion is still being had, like to me, gay or straight, it really matters so little to anything.
Like, what's the difference between gay and straight couples? They're both loving and committed to each other, and looking for happiness like everyone else.
The only difference is biological, gays can't have children (by themselves), and I mean, c'mon, who looks at the world and goes you know, I think our problems would be solved if we just had more people having children, and less people adopting them. Like seriously, go fuck yourselves.
In other news: http://www.azlyricdb.com/lyrics/Jamie-Grace-Holding-On-317792
Some chick posted these lyrics on her fb wall. And they seem rather...eh... interesting, to say the least of course.
See, look at this I just keep holding on to what I believe
Oh, I believe in you
Give me the strength to fight
And the heart to believe
When it’s hard to believe in you
Oh and these are the times when doubt’s tryin’ to creep in
I don't know why ignoring doubts and believing in something that's hard to believe in could possibly be considered a GOOD thing.
Cause for one, it seems to imply for one that your belief isn't quite as rock solid as you might want yourself and others to believe.
Which is kinda when people like rabidly criticize people for saying religious statements they don't agree with, like if someone said "there is no God", people go batshit.
And that's odd, I get told every day by the money I use, and the Pledge of Allegiance I'm supposed to say, that I'm in a country that trusts in God, and somehow, I haven't really questioned my atheism much, and gone Wait a second, I think it all makes sense, I'm wrong, and Christianity is all in the right!.
No. I'm still pretty sure on my position.
And also, if I did feel doubts creeping in, I'd welcome that! That means I'm questioning the universe and am constantly searching for truth. Ignoring your doubts means you've immediately left the search for truth in favor of the "you already know you're right with no evidence" path.
Like, I don't understand why people seem to think blind faith in something is a virtue.
Look at the followers of Harold Camping, the old guy who said the world would end on May 21 or something, and when it didn't happen, October 21, and then that didn't happen and he ran away, there were people that gave up their life savings proselytizing for that guy!
Because they had blind faith in some dickwipe for no reason, and they put everything they had in him, and then lost it, because he was just fucking wrong.
That's, to me, what most of religion is like, children get taught that you're somehow morally superior if you have "faith" and strong beliefs and never change your beliefs, and I think that's fucking stupid, I'm looking for truth, if I come into new knowledge that changes my world view, I'll let it!
Godamn it fuckers.
Anyway, night guys.