Epiphany time

Potter's picture

So, I was thinking, and I thought to myself, I feel quite sad. I hate it. I don't want to be sad. So I thought how I might go about curing this sadness and apathetic-ness that is my current mood, and I thought, I'm just gonna be happy. I like being happy, it makes me happy, strangely enough. Obviously, there are a few things that have to be tweaked in order to achieve this happiness, but ultimately, I just need to be happy. I'm going to go to bed before 11 every night so I get a good 8 hours sleep. I'm going to stop doing pointless things like surfing aimlessly on the internet, and substitute that time for music practice/ reading. That's the easy part. This will make me happier. I'm usually very happy, I'm good at it, I've just lost sight recently.

The slightly more difficult part - I'm going to be completely open about my sexuality. I'm not gonna go crazy and post it on Facebook and scream to the world, I'm gay and I don't care! But I will stop lying and pretending, it makes me feel shit. So if someone says something that requires me to talk about the attractive-ness or datability (good word) of a guy, or about homosexuality in general, I shall not hide anything. Or I shall try not to hide anything. This is in reference to everyone except my parents. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do about them yet... I wondered, maybe, if mum says something like, "that guys good looking, don't you think?" I could reply with "yeah I suppose, I'm gay though so..." Rather than actually sitting them down for a conversation, because I don't think I can do that... The problem with this plan though, is that so far it's taken me a minimum of 30 minutes to get the words out (new record set last night, oh I'll log that in my 'coming out entry' because I will forget...) but it would take way longer with my parents so it would be a bit weird if I came out with "I'm gay though" an hour after the comment was made. So I don't know what to do.

I want to be out though. I've had it with this closet crap. Today some girls in my house were saying the dumbest stuff, they just don't realise that it's kind of offensive, it's just ignorance. But I don't think they would have said it if they'd known.

I just baked a cake. That was fun. I like cake.


Tycoondashkid's picture

bleh closeting sucks

just the feeling of wanting to come out but can't is so depressing :L.....

"i like cake" 3 words that sum up humanity :P

MaddieJoy's picture

I just made cupcakes. They

I just made cupcakes. They were green and pink, and looked kind of disgusting.

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

stillgotlegs's picture

A lot of the time, the point

A lot of the time, the point when people say the worst stuff around you is when you're closeted. Everyone's fine with a bit of casual homophobia until shock horror they're around a real life gay person.

Most of the "GOD HATES FAGS" people on the internet will probably just bitch behind your back in real life.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

Potter's picture

Yeah, I know. Coming out is

Yeah, I know. Coming out is much easier said than done though..

we must choose between what is right and what is easy. - J. K. Rowling

stillgotlegs's picture

Agreed --- “Why do you sit

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”