So, I was thinking, and I thought to myself, I feel quite sad. I hate it. I don't want to be sad. So I thought how I might go about curing this sadness and apathetic-ness that is my current mood, and I thought, I'm just gonna be happy. I like being happy, it makes me happy, strangely enough. Obviously, there are a few things that have to be tweaked in order to achieve this happiness, but ultimately, I just need to be happy. I'm going to go to bed before 11 every night so I get a good 8 hours sleep. I'm going to stop doing pointless things like surfing aimlessly on the internet, and substitute that time for music practice/ reading. That's the easy part. This will make me happier. I'm usually very happy, I'm good at it, I've just lost sight recently.
The slightly more difficult part - I'm going to be completely open about my sexuality. I'm not gonna go crazy and post it on Facebook and scream to the world, I'm gay and I don't care! But I will stop lying and pretending, it makes me feel shit. So if someone says something that requires me to talk about the attractive-ness or datability (good word) of a guy, or about homosexuality in general, I shall not hide anything. Or I shall try not to hide anything. This is in reference to everyone except my parents. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do about them yet... I wondered, maybe, if mum says something like, "that guys good looking, don't you think?" I could reply with "yeah I suppose, I'm gay though so..." Rather than actually sitting them down for a conversation, because I don't think I can do that... The problem with this plan though, is that so far it's taken me a minimum of 30 minutes to get the words out (new record set last night, oh I'll log that in my 'coming out entry' because I will forget...) but it would take way longer with my parents so it would be a bit weird if I came out with "I'm gay though" an hour after the comment was made. So I don't know what to do.
I want to be out though. I've had it with this closet crap. Today some girls in my house were saying the dumbest stuff, they just don't realise that it's kind of offensive, it's just ignorance. But I don't think they would have said it if they'd known.
I just baked a cake. That was fun. I like cake.