Lately I have been looking back on my life, wondering why I never noticed that I was bi. Now I'm thinking it's just because I didn't realize that people could like the same gender. Here, for your reading pleasure, is a summary of my journey of self-discovery:
*Kindergarten: I convince my best freind to propose to me a year after breaking his heart by saying I liked another little boy, P. My BFF/Fiance, K, and I decide to have 99 kids. We can only think of 20 names, though...
Later we are talking and K tells me his aunt married a woman. I tell him (in my best "superior intelect" voice) that he's making it up. I shrug it off when his (married) aunts show up at his birthday party.
*2nd Grade: I get in a fight with my other BFF, A, over who gets to play with a girl, M. I end up in tears because I desperately want to spend time with her. It occurs to me that she may have been my first crush on a girl, since I thought she was perfect--she rode horses, was pretty, and could spell a lot of big words.
*3rd Grade: I, a REALLY pretty girl, comes to school and is soon the 2nd most popular kid in class (after me). I really like her, but for some reason am too nervous to talk to her. I never do get around to hanging out with her.
4th Grade: I am moved to a public school. Naive little Waldorfer that I am, I tell my new public school comerades to stop calling eachother "homos" because homos are people who are out of work and ride trains trying to earn money, so they shouldn't make fun of them (I thought they meant "Hobos")
*5th Grade: I somehow figure out what gay means. However, I have no other vocabulary about this. Health class doesn't even mention it.
*6th Grade: The idea of a bisexual person somehow gets into my conciousness, and I ask if a character on TV is--and I quote-- "Switchy-switchy." My parents laugh and say yes, but don't correct my unique vocabulary.
*7th Grade: I begin to get paranoid about having conversations about anything that could be construed as remotely gay. I also start worrying that a girl is going to fall inlove with me. I am aware that all of this is weird and unfounded, but I still worry.
*8th Grade: I am alone in the Dr's office filling out a questionair. I fill out my parent's health info, age, date, that I prefer boys, that I'm a girl. The Dr. doesn't come. I look over the sheet. Add that my dad's sight sucks. The Dr. Doesn't come. I check "hide food" (I have candy in my room). The Dr. doesn't come. I look at the sheet. And suddenly I'm checking "Not Sure" AND "Pefer Boys."
*Right Now: I finally figured it out. And it only took 14 years!