I have just watched the End of the Affair. I am, therefore, feeling pretty damn depressed. It's definitely not the most uplifting of films. Kind of wish I'd read the book first, I shall do that as soon as possible. I cried a lot, which is quite embarrassing, I always cry at films, and books. I cried solidly through HP and the deathly hallows part 2. Both times I saw it. It was a crap film but it was more the significance of it you know.
So yeah... Ralph Fiennes is a fantastic actor. This is a journal entry. Must focus on my feelings today. Not Bendrix, he's not real. Grahame Greene was a sad chap though... Anyway.
Oh yeah, I temporarily forgot, I think I'm going to a concert with AR and friends. Celebration and mini wave to me! I'm still frantically trying to keep my hopes down incase it doesn't happen... I am being quite pessimistic about it really, which is odd for me. Probably because, if it does happen, nothing will change. She will be straight and I will be hopelessly in love with her. Hopefully we can become better friends though, I think that would be enough.
Funny story, I always used to think if someone smoked I would never be interested in them. I found out she smokes today, not like chain but the occasional one. I don't care. This is the severity of my situation. Although, it does make me realise that she isn't perfect, which I had thought up until now. That is her only flaw. The only one I know of anyway.
I think the major source of my depression right now is that film. I should not let fictitious people affect me like this... Although, I wouldn't be in love with reading then. I fall into the lives of people in novels. That's why I love Hazza P. I lived him. I grew up not with him, but as him. I feel his pain because I felt it so realistically when the books came out. He comforts me because he was my childhood. This is why I can't let go I think. It's probably not the healthiest thing, given most novels don't seem to end happily... Oh well. I will have forgotten about it tomorrow :)