We had a GREAT day today!!

INEEDANSWERS's picture

Since it was Presidents day today, my daughter had off from school. We spent the WHOLE day together :) She went with me to my office, we went shopping to pick up a few things she needed, we did laundry... and just talked. We didn't talk too much about her being gay, because you know what?? I'm done having those conversations with her. I've realized that this is HER life!! I will keep this situation prayerful... but give her room to be her, and love her no matter what her decisions are. But loving her doesn't mean I will EVER condone or support the whole gay thing. I've decided to love her for her qualities and not her sexual orientation. :)

She HAD to go to therapy today (mandatory). She said that she's been given the opportunity to switch Therapists.... maybe that's the best thing? Her current Therapist DID violate her trust by outing her as a lesbian, so there is absolutely no trust between them at this point. She seems very happy at the prospect of getting a new Therapist. I hope this new person can build a positive relationship with my daughter. She has some really deep-seeded issues that she needs to get help for.

But all-in-all, today was one of the BEST days we have had in a few weeks - we didn't want to kill each other!! Hahahahaa. Jehovah God is good... and I'm praying for MORE positive days like this.

Comments

hellonwheels's picture

I'm glad to hear you had a good day

I am sure you will have many, many more like it.

As far as the therapist situation, get her the heck outta there and to someone she can trust! As a kid who had more than my share of familial and person issues in my teens, I can tell you it makes a HUGE difference to have someone you can talk to and develop some form of trust.

Make no mistakes about it, I would credit my current therapist with getting me through my teen years alive.

Just enjoy being with with your daughter, and let her live her life. Religion doesn't have to come into it at all.

I can understand that you want your kids to conform to your system of beliefs. That is fine. But allowing her to find herself and who she is should be more important to you.

I personally do not believe in one god. I have seen too many horrific things done in the name of God in my life to believe that we will all be held accountable to one deity when we die.

Just take it slow, and she will find out who she is in time. Who knows, maybe she's not really a lesbian, and she's just going through a 'phase'....

Sorry, had to make that joke ;) feelin' snarky like elph tonight.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

If your God didn't want her to be gay, he wouldn't have done it.

And who do you trust more than your god?? Why question his judgement in what he thinks is right or wrong in making a person? He MADE your daughter the way he is and I suspect you should trust his judgement... ;)

Actually, today I read someone analyze the part of the bible that says a man shouldn't lie with another man, and they discussed how the book it was from was all about opposites, and how the phrase meant more of "don't have sex with a man as you would a woman", in which a woman is more of property than anything in that book. It meant more of to keep a man as equal if you lie with him, instead of making him property like a woman, so... That was an interesting reading of it.

The bible was written by man and is up to interpretation by man. The translations and contexts DON'T hold 100% accuracy in english.

You are not Jesus, you should look in your HEART, not some book, to see if your daughter being a lesbian REALLY matters. Right and wrong are there in your heart, not in some book written thousands of years ago. If you're gonna not agree with that part of the book, don't get your hair cut, don't eat shellfish, etc...

I'm saying, there are parts of the bible we throw out nowadays for a REASON. Did you know there's actually a LOT of controversial or lost parts of the bible that aren't even in there anymore? One in specific, the Gospel of Eve I believe it's called, is a supposed lost text that promoted free love, blowjobs, and the like. That sounds like something that might have been a GOOD edit to the bible and may have even promoted homosexuality.

Also I read some excerpt from the bible that showed a gay couple. In the bible. Cute, eh?

So, really, you never know WHAT the bible WANTS you to do, as it's always changing.

Take out the bible from the equation and think with your non-god brain. Is it REALLY wrong to be homosexual? If nobody's harmed, why would "God" hate it? How can it be a sin if it's uncontrolled, from birth?

The whole concept is, frankly, silly to me. I'm glad you enjoyed the day, but her gayness isn't her "decision", praying will not change anything, and I'm hoping everything will keep going upwards!
-
That's redick!

elph's picture

Your daughter can't be blind:

"But loving her doesn't mean I will EVER condone or support the whole gay thing."

Even if you refrain from expressing these feelings to your foster daughter, you must be aware that she cannot be oblivious to the inherent moral indictment. Try to envisage yourself in such an environment: it would be a formidable challenge... for any 14-year-old!

This (unspoken) attitude will be all-pervasive and remain the "elephant in the room!"

I know neither the nature or the severity of the trauma your daughter may have suffered that would necessitate the intervention of a therapist. It's good to know, however, that professional treatment is being covered! And, hopefully, she can soon be in the care of a new therapist who has a well-documented history of successes in the care of traumatized adolescents.

I would be quite wary, however, of choosing any therapist whose primary commitment is other than to the patient...

jeff's picture

Err...

"I've decided to love her for her qualities and not her sexual orientation."

So, you love her for all but one of her qualities.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tine's picture

Glad for the good day

I just wanted to say I'm glad you had a good day with your daughter. I hope you will have more days like this. I'm also happy that you decided to switch the therapist. It was actually very needed. Just have more good days with her and you will maybe see the gay thing with different perspective. Just enjoy your time with daughter.

Well, have a good day :)

INEEDANSWERS's picture

@HellOnWheels "I can

@HellOnWheels "I can understand that you want your kids to conform to your system of beliefs". Again, if my daughter wanted NOTHING to do with Christianity or serving God, that would be HER choice. Since the day she walked into my home; I never forced her to believe in what we believe. She really does like going to our Christian meetings and having her Bible studies... we don't force her... EVER!

@Dracofangxxx I said before that I was NOT going to go into religion with people on here anymore. But if a question is posed or if someone brings up the Bible... I will give an answer to their reply: God doesn't MAKE people gay. That's like saying God made Adam and Eve to sin. Or saying He MADE Satan to be evil!! These things came about AFTER God's original plans. Though people might be Gay from birth... Jehovah DID NOT make them that way. He said He made man in his image... so is God gay? OF COURSE NOT. Why would a loving God MAKE people gay, just to destroy them for being gay? Why would He MAKE man to be gay, but didn't make it so that homosexuals can reproduce? FACT: Only a male and female can "naturally" reproduce life. God said that the homosexual act is DETESTABLE to Him. Now either God is schizophrenic or He never condoned gay interactions. This is what Jehovah God has said about homosexuality: Romans 1:26, 27 "That is why God gave them up to disgraceful sexual appetites, for both their females changed the natural use of themselves into one contrary to nature; and likewise even the males left the natural use of the female and became violently inflamed in their lust toward one another, males with males, working what is obscene and receiving in themselves the full recompense, which was due for their error". So you see, there is NO CONFUSION OR MISCONCEPTION regarding God and His views on homosexuality.

@Elph I have no control over who her Therapists are. The good news is that since my daughter is 14... she can sorta call her own shots! She can request to have a new Therapist or speak up about the services she receives. I do however, very much so, think she NEEDS to be in therapy. She suffered from abuse of all sorts while in her biological mother's home. She's doing MUCH better since being in a new loving and stable environment. Everyone says they can see positive changes in her since being in our care :)

@Jeff Hmmmm... I'll say I love her despite her sexual orientation. Or, I love her no matter what her sexual orientation is. BUT... I will never condone it.

~ A Concerned Parent

Dracofangxxx's picture

Wait, so God is simultaneously black, asian, native american,

middle eastern, filipino, etc... all races at the same time? Is he mentally retarded in every form possible, ugly and beautiful, fat and skinny, EVERY single hair and eye colour all at once, and he's both man and woman?

I mean, honestly, I thought God was an all-powerful being that doesn't have a sex drive. If God's straight, wouldn't that make him... Oh, gee, a human? God's not a PERSON, is he? So even if he "has" a penis, which would require biological functions to work in the first place... You're saying he also intrinsically cares what he puts it in?

Your point is incredibly fallacied, my friend.

But, again, I asked you to think without religion in it, and that was my main point. Why do you think God would hate something that is, as you've agreed with before, uncontrollable to have, harms nobody, and is present in most animals in nature? Nearly 8-10 percent of every species' population shows homosexual tendencies. This is where we start to sit down and say this isn't some random, biological accident.

I mean I didn't just sit down and go, I'm going to fall in love with a woman today!

I realize all your life you've been taught it's wrong- But have you really ever sat down and figured out if YOU thought it was wrong? Why would it be wrong?
These are the questions that need to be asked, sometimes.
-
That's redick!

lonewolf678's picture

Hmm,

I've just been observing this for a while. All I ever really see in these journals is just that you really do love your daughter but you're in a sense wearing a veil of opinions of others have created. And you choose to accept those opinions. For what, I don't know why.

"But loving her doesn't mean I will EVER condone or support the whole gay thing. I've decided to love her for her qualities and not her sexual orientation."

All this really tells me is that you will never fully understand her or accept her.

And all because of? A book that was written a very long time ago which was rewritten and edited throughout the centuries. What exactly was changed or edited we may never know, but for certain it has historical merit. However laws from those times are barely applicable to our country and today's world.

Anyway it does seem through what you've written here that you have started making very good progress. There's not much more I can say before it appears I'm trying to paraphrase everyone's responses. I wish you luck with accepting your daughter.

MaddieJoy's picture

How do you know if God is

How do you know if God is straight? Mary was still a virgin after he made Jesus with her, so maybe he did that to avoid having to be with a woman?

I think that homosexuality is like natural birth control. Look at how the population is growing--if EVERYONE paired up with a same-sex partner, there wouldn't be an empty chair left on the planet.

I advise you to fake it until you can accept ALL of your daughter's traits. Tell her you support her orientation and don't say anything more about it unless she brings it up, and then just be vaguely supportive. But for heaven's sake don't let her hear you say "in spite of!" If I had heard those words when I came out I would have gone to live with my grandparents. Kids expect their parents to love them "in spite of" their nasty nose-picking habits, and to EMBRACE everything else about them. You think of homosexuality as bad thing, right? Well ADD is bad, and parents don't love their kids "in spite of" it. They love everything that makes their children unique.

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

INEEDANSWERS's picture

Moving on... I will no

Moving on... I will no longer continue to post God's message on here, unless there are people who are truly interested in hearing it. The Bible tells us not to waste God's precious message on people who's only goal is to tear it apart.

We could go on and on forever about this subject. I'm merely here to gain insight into what my daughter is going through from the experiences of others who is/have gone through similar trials.

But I will leave you all with this: God's Word is clear and true. It is Satan the devil who puts doubt in our hearts and causes confusion. When you go against God's divine authority you are in fact serving Satan. I urge you all to at least consider some of the things I have said. Jehovah is a loving God who tells us to "come as we are", in hopes that we will leave fortified, our faith renewed, and leave behind all of the vile and grotesque things we came to Him with. Remember: Satan's greatest accomplishment was to fool people to believe that he doesn't exist!

I hope that God blesses you all, and that one day your hearts will allow you to seek FIRST Jehovah's Kingdom... and to freely drink from His
life-saving water.

~ A Concerned Parent

elph's picture

And... therein lies a problem!

If one shuns evolving "worldly" knowledge, it can be personally comforting --- but, deceptively so --- to be absolutely certain that one is already in possession of all knowledge one need ever command.

loreonpravus's picture

1. Clearly I've been away

1. Clearly I've been away for a while...
2. *facepalm*