i am feeling better i think but
feeling at all is difficult for
everyone i think.
i am just uneasy and i just want calm,
i am just so tired yet sleepless
'i love you' is such a complicated phrase.
because nothing before it counts.
knowing that the last person you said it to
said it to someone else
i mean i have shared feelings and experiences with people since
i've been in bed with other men and felt close to other men
and felt compassion and intimacy and empathy
and had beautiful moments
i've had other men tell me i was beautiful and all sorts of nice things.
but i haven't said 'i love you' in that way to anyone
since being with him.
i don't know if it's still love or simple jealously or feelings of entitlement.
it's probably just deeply narcissistic and needy
and it doesn't matter anyway probably.