continuing gender talks with dad

oliver's picture

Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I find myself really excited and kinda nervous at the same time.

So far, he's probably my strongest ally in getting mom to come around with pronoun use and general trans* respect, but I know we've got some problems too.

For one, he supports me completely and utterly... but he's kind of a push over. When things with mom get heated he chooses the path of least resistance. There's pacifism, and then there's unhealthy relationship. He just hides in his work, or just doesn't bring it up at all, even if I really need his help.

He *could* be a great ally... but he kinda failed at being my ally for other things in the past.

Secondly, he has a long way to go when it comes to trans education. He at least sees me as real, and sees my transition as important, but I also think he expects me to transform into a stereotypical Guy. I was never a normal girl, I don't plan to be a normal guy. But I don't want to lose my dad's support if I don't act trans in a way he expects me to. He doesn't really understand genderqueer stuff, let alone how I can be a transguy AND genderqueer... that these things do not in my mind conflict. And I'm hella femme. I don't want him to see my femme presentation as me being less trans.

These are all big fears that I have and I guess I'm just struggling to figure out how to talk to him about them. We've been pretty out of touch (see prior note about burying himself in work) but I know he wants to be more involved.

It's also going to be a brief visit. There's only so much we can cover.
I want to call him more often, but when I do my mom gets REALLY jealous.

and I can't deal with calling her more

not yet anyway

So I need help from dad, but I don't know how to access it without making the situation with my mom worse.


Kind_Sol's picture


My name's Jack and i feel for ya.
I've dated girls before who wish they were guys, but never one to consider themselves genderqueer and trans. I have to say, i admire you for accepting yourself to be as such.

My dad is retired and we talk a lot about my sexuality since he's really confused as to how a six foot three teenage football lineman is also a proud homosexual. He has trouble seeing how it happened and how it is a part of me at all...but he's coming around. My mother is a very religious woman but even she is starting to come around.

I want to be your friend in all this and to support you in any way i can. PM me some time and i'll be happy to assist.


An optimist sees the glass half full, and a pessimist sees the glass half empty. But a realist however, realizes that sooner or later he's going to eventually have to clean the glass.