Is it possible for two single lesbians (or gays) to have a platonic friendship? + Shit Lesbians Say youtube vid

taste the rainbow's picture

Overall question: Do you think it's possible for two single lesbians hanging out to have a long lasting platonic relationship? Or rather, I know it is possible, but I'm curious of both your own experiences and opinions. And same same for all my gay guy friends here as well with boyboy friendships =)

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It's just that from my own personal experience, a platonic friendship has never worked out. It seems that when its just two lesbians hanging out there's always one girl that wants something a bit more than the other and it just escalates into a physical relationship too fast and/or the friendship dissolves consequently thereafter.

Here is entry by a random on the internet I came across earlier today. It's an interesting read to get your mind going. If you don't want to read the whole thing, just read the first and last paragraph =)

http://stifler-thisboislife.blogspot.com/2008/07/can-platonic-relationsh...

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On a secondary note, lesbian stereotypes!! Watch Shit Lesbians Say youtube vid below and have a laugh. Does it sound like you or someone you know? =P

Did you know that ultimate is one of the stereotypical lesbo sports?? I thought it was softball, rugby, and whatever else. I've been playing for about 2.5 years and I didn't know until just a couple weeks ago haha This vid told me so and was later confirmed by a fellow lezzy friend. It all makes sense now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67XuWAK_5ac

But seriously, I guess I never picked up on it cuz' back in my home town I'm the only lez that I know of that plays the sport. It wasn't until I came to asia to find that there are others. As for everything else in the video... there were quite a few things that are similar to me. I friggin love hummus.

jeff's picture

Uhh...

I have tons of platonic relationships with gay guys. Way beyond possible. In my experience, the platonic relationships way outweigh the non-platonic ones.

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Super Duck's picture

To answer your question...

I don't have any bi or lesbian friends, but I don't see why not, especially if she isn't my type. That would be like saying straight girls and straight guys can't be friends. Personally, I know I'm very picky, and on the other person's side, I can't see anyone wanting weird little me :p

Haha, that video, I am so bad at being a lesbian! Except D.E.B.S. I love that movie.

taste the rainbow's picture

Picky you may be, but the

Picky you may be, but the feelings can come from the other end too! yes Super Duck, even for weird little you haha I haven't been on oasis for quite some time but I remember you and your smily face dp, you always had interesting posts that made me laugh!

DEBS is pretty funny! gawd awful acting. but lucky Jordana Brewster (lucy diamond) is just so irresistible in it. But I'm a Cheerleader is pretty funny too. Rufio from Hook is in it!! Rufio's gayyy!!!

anarchist's picture

Wow.

I love the bass in the background.
Why does it seem like there are so many stereotypical lesbians here and all the gays are far from the stereotypes?

Tycoondashkid's picture

tell me how

Radiosilence & Super Duck stereotypical

radiosilence95's picture

Yeah! If I were

Yeah! If I were stereotypical, I'd be a man-hating vegan who believes that females should rule the world and all men are disgusting pigs. I'd also have extremely short hair, play softball, and wear plaid every day of my life. And listen to Tegan and Sara, and play the guitar, and lust after girls in booty shorts all day...

jeff's picture

So...

Which of those isn't true?!

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

None of those are true about

None of those are true about me, although I do enjoy plaid.

Tycoondashkid's picture

id say

there is no stereotypical people on here you not butch and im not a man-whore

anarchist's picture

I thought that Radiosilence is bisexual

and I don't know much about Super Duck. But my point is that there are more stereotypical lesbians than gays on here.

Tycoondashkid's picture

what on

earth, the stars far beyond and the planetary Kingdoms made you think Radio was Bi? and how does she have any bisexual stereotypes? shes obsessed with 1 girl, umm the bisexual steroetype is being a slut and she is no way a slut

Super Ducks Super Femme if you follow her Tumblr

the only butch female on here is Shelby and shes Bi

you sound very stereotypical now, oh the iront

MacAvity's picture

Well, no......

It would be perfectly understandable (but incorrect!) to think Radiosilence might be bi - she uses the words 'bi' and 'bisexual' (not referring to herself) a lot more than 'lesbian' or 'gay' in her journals, for one thing. And anarchist never said that she was a stereotype, only that he thought she was bi.

Tycoondashkid's picture

not from what ive read

and then if you read it properly it wouldn't be a factor

jeff's picture

Err...

How exasperated you're getting is pretty stereotypically gay, no?

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tycoondashkid's picture

im not gay though

and its my tradition to do this

radiosilence95's picture

This is fun!

ALL OF YOU ARE STEREOTYPES. ALL OF YOU!

Tycoondashkid's picture

how am i a sterotype?

or is this sarcasm?

jeff's picture

I read all of your posts in

I read all of your posts in a similar matter as this:

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tycoondashkid's picture

im using a dongle

now and will be for a while, so i can't watch, describe?

jeff's picture

Err...

I'm not getting involved wherever underaged dongle is involved.

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tycoondashkid's picture

XD

XD

radiosilence95's picture

-

Yes. That was sarcasm.

Frankly I don't think anyone on this site is a stereotype. Also, a few journal entries doesn't give enough insight into a person's life to be able to tell if they are in fact a stereotype. We don't know everything about each other, and we have no clue what everybody on this site looks like.

My, this topic has really been blown out of proportion, huh? :P

Tycoondashkid's picture

i agree

their are some people that seem to have a little bit of stereotypes, but no more than a bit

and a PS to Shelby, when i said Rainbows Androgynous that was sarcasm of the highest order

Dracofangxxx's picture

Heyyy I think Rainbow's pretty butch too

But I don't know her well or anything

BUT HI THERE <3
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That's redick!

Tycoondashkid's picture

i say shes more Androgynous like me

but Hi <333

Super Duck's picture

I don't know about on here

I don't know about on here since I can't mentally visualize people well without seeing what they look like, but on Tumblr there do seem to be a little more stereotypical lesbians than there are stereotypical gay guys. Sometimes I kind of feel out of place there since I'm definitely much more femme than the stereotype, but then I figure that most people aren't 110% stereotypical or non-stereotypical, that most people are just kind of in between, you know? My friend who's a gay guy, for example, loves art and theater, but he is clueless on the topic of fashion. On the flip side, there's me, the lesbian who refuses to ever cut her hair shorter than shoulder length, whose favorite colors are pink and purple, who has a penchant for all things sickeningly cute. I had to think for a moment about any stereotypical thing I might have, but apparently owning lots of cats is gay and I have 3 cats. Oh, and there was a brief period in which I was an ultra tomboy when I was 7 or 8.

Tycoondashkid's picture

are you saying

you were like your sister for a bit? *le gasp*

Super Duck's picture

Haha, not really. I didn't

Haha, not really. I didn't beat up weak 17-year-olds with my superhuman brute strength.

Tycoondashkid's picture

but in every other respect?

but in every other respect?

anarchist's picture

Art is a gay stereotype?

Hmm... maybe I have a few more stereotypes than I think. And I do give my friends advice on their hair more than most people do. They don't listen to me, though, because I apparently have horrible taste. (They use my love of anti-art as an example of that.)
Still, I'm more masculine than a lot of other people at my school. Straight guys are so feminine now, with their skinny-jeans and their girlfriends who put makeup on them, straighten their hair, and take them to nail salons. Everybody's becoming metrosexual. The parents of one of my friends' girlfriend think that he's gay because she puts makeup on him and stuff. Everybody's so femme that I'm almost butch, and I'm not masculine at all.

Super Duck's picture

Well, it is around here for

Well, it is around here for some reason. When he went to my school, everyone thought he was gay just because he likes art. I've never heard that stereotype anywhere else, though. I never thought he was gay until he told me a couple weeks ago when we had lunch together. I still think he's less femme than quite a few guys at my school who never get called gay.

terrabean's picture

Platonic relationship in lesbians.

I think it is definitely possible to have platonic relationships among lesbians, although I definitely think it can be a little bit more complicated to navigate, especially before you have really gotten completely used to your identity.

I have had platonic lesbian friends for quite a long time, although some of them had feelings involved at one point or another on various ends, but this has happened with some of my best friends, and our friendships are completely platonic now. I think a lot of times, especially in high school, it can be really easy to try to jump on any relationship opportunity you come across, because your options are in fact quite limited in high school. I also think that a lot of times, it can be easier to be platonically friends with lesbians when you are in a relationship though.

That said, now that I am in college, and live in a LGBT theme dorm, it would be pretty crazy if single lesbians couldn't be friends, because you know, that could just get very bad, very quickly. I have not been single for longer than a month or so in over 3 years now, but I have been single for little bits, and I had plenty of perfectly platonic lesbian friends, who I have no interest in.

This topic brings up kind of an interesting point though. I think even more than it just being hard for young lesbians to have platonic relationships with each other, it can also be hard for them to have platonic friendships.

I am sure this is different for everyone, but I know that when I was younger I had a really difficult time with friendships, because it was so difficult to sort out whether or not there was an attraction thing going on or not. I was always a gentleman about the whole thing, and I really didn't want to be creepy or whatnot if I liked someone who was straight or something, so I ended up not getting very close to anyone at all, but I just remember how complicated it was to navigate that sort of thing. It ends up being a lot easier for people who aren't queer, because there is that line between genders, where girls are the safe zone for platonic stuff, and guys are the potential lovers. With queer girls, guys aren't safe for platonic relationships, because they might like you, straight girls aren't safe because you might like them(also don't understand how you feel about girls), and gay girls, actually understand how you feel about girls, but the there is even more danger of it not being platonic. Gay guys are safe, but there isn't a lot of common ground sometimes. It kind of puts you in a position where you have to figure out the line between platonic and not for every person you befriend, which can be a lot of uncertainty.

Has anyone else noticed this at all? I struggled with those thought a lot in middle school, and some of high school, and the habits I formed from it have stuck with me a lot longer than that. I don't really know if that is more of a "the weird ways I think" thing, or a universal, but I always noticed it. If anyone is struggling with that stuff now, know that those things get a lot easier as you get older and more mature, and the nature of friendships change. Middle school and high school interactions are kind of tough that way.

taste the rainbow's picture

Hi Terrabean! I completely

Hi Terrabean! I completely agree with everything you've mentioned above. There are many different factors that you've brought up that all contribute and mix and match to everyones unique situations. You live in a LGBT themed dorm? Golly, that would be an experience! With the absence of platonic relationships it would be just one big orgy! Woo! haha

As for myself, I'm also college-aged. I'm living on my own right now, but that's just because I'm finishing up an exchange in Asia. I'll be back in home town Canada in just 2 weeks (eek!!) where I live at home with my fam. I've a nice handful of lezzy friends here in Sg , most I've met through ultimate. Go figures. I think about 80% of the lesbians here that I know are in relationships, so yeup, very black and white as far as availability goes. But aside from that, I'm not looking for anything in the first place.

Back at home I have only a couple lesbian friends. Both of them are girls that I had met through some of my other friends. Where I run into issues is that it's been the case that these girls that befriend me are ones that are looking for something, in particular a relationship of some sort that's beyond a normal friendship. My friends tell them about me, then sometimes it turns out the girl asks to meet me or get my contacts. I posted this topic in hopes of getting some other peoples experiences, and to see how others have dealt with this kind of stuff, maybe pick up some helpful opinions and advice. I think in the case for myself, I just need to get out more and meet other lgbt people in more neutral environments, like a lgbt dorm haha. Nah, I'll hit up some events and maybe make myself a little more visible in the gay scene in winnipeg. I've 'been gay' since I was 15/16, and out since I hit uni, yet I've never really exposed myself to the gay scene, or anything beyond my regular social groups back at home. Though, things are changing and I think it's finally hit me that I'm moving onto the next chapter of my life.

The other reason I posted this was because there's another girl that my friends have introduced to me a little while back, and err, she sends mixed signals sometimes. But, this girl is different then the other two. She seems more level-headed lol, or rather we've just more in common than the other girls I've met so far. She has also hit a new stage in her life, both similar and different to myself, and consequently has a few things to confront and manage. I'm not too worried about this girl though, I think we'll just end up being good friends which is nice. I guess my past experiences have just got me a bit skeptical of these encounters. I need to chill.

As for friendships in general, regarding straight girls, guys, gay guys, I also agree. When I was in high school I made sure to keep my distance from most of my straight girl friends. All it takes is just that one straight crush, or that one girl to suspect you liking her to make you feel hurt and upset with yourself. As for the straight guys liking you back, well, its the same thing but roles reversed. All in all, I look back and wish I wasn't so scared. But, that's a part of growing up and change eh. love it!

Midnight's picture

it can work

Total can do untill they get a girlfriend who is a prison guard and is very over protective scary