random mutterings

Potter's picture

Right, I haven't written an entry for a couple of days because I've been busy watching plays and shit. Yeah, I watched 'Tis Pity She's A Whore yesterday, was pretty fucked up. That's not really helpful to talk about... ummm... yeah so that meant I got back really late and barely got any sleep so I was pretty damn tired this morning. I had a free first lesson though, which I thought would be helpful, but no, AR was there so I couldn't sleep and I spent the whole hour feeling really tense and awkward and generally uncomfortable. How can she do that to me? It's ridiculous.

Anyway, then I had Economics and I came top in the mock exam, which was cool. I then spent the rest of the lesson daydreaming and assessing just how much of a fool I'd made of myself in the last hour. Then I went down the shop with CC and bought shit loads of coke which got me pretty crazy. I then realised I'd forgotten it was band practice so we went about 15 minutes late but it was pretty awesome.

We have a new trombonist which is awesome because our other trumpet player is going to Manchester so that would have left just me in the horn section. Then my German teacher wasn't in and I had a free after that. Double free! That was legend, I was pretty pumped from all the caffeine. I was on fire! Then I had a trumpet lesson in lunch, then I had a Maths test, then I had another free. So pretty cool day. I'm super tired now though. So that was my day.

The other day I decided I was going to be completely open about my sexuality. That went well. Pa. So now I have decided I'm not going to be completely open, because I can't physically do it, and I'm just going to start sticking up for... 'us'? Like when people say, "that's so gay" or just fucking ignorant stuff, which pisses me off the most. Like yesterday at the play, because we got there about three hours early (crazy, I know) the four of us on the trip (crazy, I know) just sat around chatting. One of them, LG, I have a little crush on, but she is really stupid when it comes to homosexuality. Not stupid just unaware. I wish I'd said something, but I just worry so much that people would guess... why do I care? I should not care, I wish I didn't care. From now on, I shall stick up for gays everywhere. Always. Decided. I will.

What else is new... I need to talk to AR about Bellowhead. I'm so scared to bring it up. I don't know why, I just need to do it. I will, on Monday. Anyway, I'm tired and bored and I have to write trombone parts for this kid...

Comments

stillgotlegs's picture

Why d'you have to write

Why d'you have to write trombone parts for him? They're not included?

And yeah, it can be a bit hard to be open about yor sexuality in casual conversation, right? Because people don't really ask. But that sounds like a pretty good first step, at least give yourself credit for that.

Sometimes it can be a bit easier to just out yourself to new people, because that way, they've only known you as one thing. Like, it doesn't contradict previous opinions of you because that's how they've always known you. The hardest people to tell can be the ones you've known the longest, though it seems like it should be the other way around.
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“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

Meow's picture

Haha.. I know what you mean

Haha.. I know what you mean when you say you wish you didn't care, but you do. It's okay to care, it's only natural. But good on you for the deciding to stick up for people.
I wish I could have days in school like yours, having a tight schedule means less time to mope around.