She Said... She Doesn't Want To Be Gay Anymore

INEEDANSWERS's picture

So I have taken everyone's advice and just stopped talking about the whole Gay subject... we all have continued to lead our normal lives like we have been doing. My daughter has weekly Bible Study as well as going to the Hall twice a week with us. She is learning more and more about what Jehovah God really wants from her... and what is required of her to fully serve him.

My daughter said to me recently that she doesn't want to be Gay... but she couldn't hep the feeling she has. I was glad to hear that she doesn't want to lead a homosexual lifestyle, but sad for her because she is dealing with sooo much at such a young age. Sometimes it seems like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders :-/

I can't imagine... it must be a very hard thing to believe you are one way, but trying to fight against it. She asked me was she just going to have to be single for the rest of her life... because she doesn't want to marry a man she isn't attracted to? I told her that serving Jehovah means that we have to take on a self-sacrificing attitude. Each TRUE Christian, at one time or another, has had to make some changes in his or her life in order to serve God "properly"... its the same thing with homosexuality.

She really wants to please God, so she said that she was going to try and shed off her old personalty and old way of thinking - to seek FIRST Jehovah Gods Kingdom... and have faith that Jehovah will see her through these homosexual feelings and urges that she has.

WE WILL SEE...

Comments

MaddieJoy's picture

If she doesn't want to get

If she doesn't want to get married to a guy but wants to devote her life to your god, she could always be single and work at a church or something right?

"It's a helluva start, knowing what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball

jeff's picture

Well...

It honestly doesn't matter whether she wants to be gay. Again, thinking that gay is a behavior or a lifestyle would make it something you could opt out of. But, it tends to not work that way.

It's more like having a black child tell you she wants to be white, and you saying God will help her get through being black. You wouldn't (one hopes) encourage something like that, since you know it isn't going to happen. Same situation here, except you don't have the right information to help her.

Doesn't sound like she's too convinced either way, though, if she's asking if she will have to be single because she doesn't want to marry a man. That sounds more like a lesbian in denial, or a lesbian ready to be punished with solitude by a "loving" God.

Again, these steps are normal, just usually sorted out without parental guidance, especially with a parent playing cheerleader for the hetero side. ;-)

There are very old forums on here called "Why can't I be straight?" and such. No one who ever posted in them is straight now.

So, stay neutral, tell her you support her whether she's straight, gay, bi, trans, however this plays out. If she senses you're happy with this direction, when the futility of this God-sanctioned mental anguish runs its course, she'll be even less likely to confide in you.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

hellonwheels's picture

well, hopefully it will work out in your favor...

that she is one of those rare kids who claims to be struggling with sexuality and sexual identity in order to get attention in life, be that attention from a therapist, boy, kids @ school, etc.

However, as jeff pointed out earlier, this just is simply not the case. at least in the majority of the time. I know for myself, I was born into a very conservative family, raised as a conservative individual, studied the bible more thoroughly than most ever will, and day in and day out for probably eight or nine years, beat the hell out of myself with the why can't I be normal like everyone else? Why can't I be straight? Why would God, do this to me? Or want me to suffer like this?

It almost never works out that someone who is gay can change. Look at most of the ex-gay movements in society today, including those of the mormon faith. The vast majority of ex-gays either end out dead from suicide, addicted to drugs, alcohol or other vices, or in complete denial of their natural urges.

Two of the guys who founded one of the largest ex gay movements in history are now an out of the closet, happy couple, opposed to ex-gay ministries.

I hope she is just questioning herself, or going through, as so many parents often term it, "a phase" that she will outgrow, however this is not likely.

Might I suggest that you watch the lesbian drama the L-word sometime on hulu or rent it from a local video store? the first two seasons of this drama, although adult at times, highlight issues like the ones your daughter is currently facing.

worth a look, if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone a bit and get a better idea of what she might be dealing with, which I believe you had stated was your goal in joining this site, correct?

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

may I just pop in to say,

That I really love this comment right here
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That's redick!

elph's picture

Your journals tend to...

...provide credence to a suspicion that all that your foster daughter is permitted to know about sexuality and her innate libidinal inclinations passes through a rigidly controlled filter: you and an unspecified religious sect.

This does not augur well for her developing the ability to make intelligent and personally satisfying decisions in life that she will know are hers!

Would you feel comfortable in suggesting to your daughter that she might benefit from becoming a member of Oasis... a place where she could meet others like herself who may also be in the process of learning how to accommodate their yet-developing sexuality?

She is aware (or maybe not) that her mom accesses Oasis to glean insights on the panoply of youthful sexualities... many of which are not favorably addressed by sources that stand in opposition to anything gay (e.g., her church)?

MacAvity's picture

Yeah...

If she doesn't want to be gay, that doesn't mean that she isn't gay. If she is gay but doesn't want to be, that will lead to unhappiness and bad choices. She needs to know not to fight it, because it can't be fought, and that it's okay.

Basically, yeah, what Jeff and Hell on Wheels said.

Tine's picture

Prayers for Bobby

Watch a movie Prayers for Bobby.

It's about a teenager Bobby who admits he is gay to his brother but his brother then tell this to his very conservative and religious mother Marry. This lead to disapproval of his mother and trying to convert him to be heterosexual. Bobby first say he doesn't want to be gay but later he found out that he can't change that. He just wants that his mother would accept him and love him just as he is but she couldn't. He commits suicide because of this and then his mother realises that she loved him and she should have accepted him and not put him through false conversion. It's a true story about the Griffith family. Mary Griffith, the mother, is now an activist for gay rights.

Maybe you could see some similarities with how the shrink betrayed your daughter's trust and how Bobby's brother betrayed his. And there is your belief that homosexuality is a choice and a sin and not something who you are which is very similar or actually the same as Marry thought of homosexuality. And how she said to you she doesn't want to be gay any more but can't help it either is THE SAME as what Bobby said and had to go through!

I don't want that this ends the same so I suggest you to watch this movie with her so you could see or maybe just think about that this is not unnatural and that at the end all that is really important is love for each other and yourself.

The second thing is that we can all agree that God only seeks for someone to love another human being and to love himself as well. Don't you think that knowing you are a lesbian but suppressing this to the point that you marry a guy whom you don't love is masochistic and that would mean you would want to hurt yourself which only leads to not loving yourself and because of that disapproval of yourself you stop to love and trust another? I mean how could you trust another human being or even to your husband if he could just as well be pretending to love you?

I hope it ends well for your family.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Check this link,

And this site. Might help some things, since your religious background tends to cloud any of your logic...

http://www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.org/biblical_evidence/ruth_naomi.html

And, I know you said no more religious talk, but how can we when that's all you care about?
-
That's redick!

INEEDANSWERS's picture

People will be what and who

People will be what and who they choose to be... period! Like Ive said many times, we dont FORCE her to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses - This is seriously her choice!! She wants to serve God and understands what His feelings are on homosexuality. I dont ever belittle her, tell her she is bad or is going to hell, or try to preach being Gay out of her. I bet that is what a lot of you think isnt it? Lol. We give our daughter a GREAT life. She doesnt even have to stay at our Foster Home, but SHE chooses to. My daughter is the type of person who is very vocal and is very much in the driver's seat of her own life. I constantly tell her to live her life for herself and NOT for anyone else. I dont want a homosexual lifestyle for her, but if that is what she chooses... there isnt much we can do about it. I will just keep this situation prayerful. But her consciously not wanting to be Gay is a step in the right direct ;-)

~ A Concerned Parent

jeff's picture

Well...

I do agree with you one point here: religion is a choice.

Being gay... not so much.

Here is the American Psychological Association's take on it: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx

Also "homosexual lifestyle" is a meaningless term. It is usually terminology ONLY used by anti-gay and religious groups.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

You... Uh... May totally fail to understand!

You're conflating two distinct aspects of humanity (internal and external):

(1) Each human is endowed (very likely at birth... by God, if you wish) with a unique libido such that it is satisfied only by sharing his/her maturing personality with only one of the two predominant sexes.

Attempts to switch one's natural affections have all failed: Prayers, exorcisms, psychotherapies, aversion therapies, executions... all shown to be futile!

The sex of "the other" who one finds satisfying is not an action... it is what the brain says internally!

Predominantly (but not exclusively): One is said to be heterosexual if innate attraction is to one of the opposite sex; gay, if attraction is directed towards the same sex (often to the total exclusion of the opposite sex).

(2) Ordinarily, people do things!

Much human activity is pursued with the intention/hope of solidifying relations with another... and in this process, satisfying one's own libido is very likely to be an inextricably linked goal: This is being human!

There is little difference in the myriad of possible activities humans pursue (gay and heterosexual alike) to confirm mutual affection and (not incidentally) provide "rewards" to the individual libidos! What limitations that do exist are influenced primarily by one's anatomy...

Some possible activities (preceding paragraph) can be physically risky/harmful (and should be avoided)... or they may be proscribed for their being viewed as offensive to God. (We can debate until the "cows come home" as to how this latter objection can be known.)

****

From your posts to date, I must guess that you do not agree that (1) is, in fact, immutable. And, as far as how your daughter behaves (not what she feels)... you envisage a long list of activities (2) that must not be undertaken if she were to share affections with another of the same sex!

I readily agree that not all should be permitted (irrespective of one's orientation)... and agreement on an all-inclusive list is quite unlikely. But... just out of curiosity... would any of these be on your list:

(1) hugging
(2) kissing
(3) holding hands in public
(4) sleeping or lying side by side
(5) voluntary activity that could culminate in shared orgasms

****

I would hope that your daughter could be provided with the knowledge that will enable her to make her own --- intelligent and informed --- decisions that she will know are both right and hers!

Dracofangxxx's picture

Not everything we say is just for you,

but also for you to possibly share with your daughter.
-
That's redick!