Obligatory Youtube videos first, of course.
Anyway, it really does seem like absolutely everyone on Youtube is a very belligerent liberal atheist... Really.
Maybe just on the videos that I visit that like attract liberal atheists or something, but I really dunno.
Uh, been feeling negative again, that's basically all there is to report.
I'm not really sure if what I want is more solitude or less solitude...
I think what I might want is to just not be surrounded with large numbers of people of whom I mostly have no strong feelings for one way or the other.
I have a feeling I'd be happiest doing something, whatever it is, with a group of people that I just love through and through, some totally super fucking chill group of friends.
Like I feel like I don't meet people quite like I'm looking for hardly ever.
Like there's the people I don't like because they're uptight and care about things I think are quite fuckin irrelevant, gay marriage, drugs, profanity, just to name a few.
And then there's also another host of people who don't care about those things but instead are sort of reactionary in that they intentionally do them, like people I know who just go to parties just cause it's partying, and there's booze, it must be fun, how the fuck could you not be having a blast?
See, like I like that more than the first group, but still not really enough to really bond with them.
Like I watched a show about ecstasy, and there was this guy, a hipster if there ever was one, who basically spent his nights wandering around alone, going to raves, and doing ecstasy.
Like that just doesn't sound fun, just cause it's insane.
Kinda like "fun" doesn't have to consist of just the most "sinful" things you can think of, like doing drugs just cause you're not supposed to do them.
No, as I've said before, I think I'd like to just find some friends like Shelby, who are just so fucking uber chill, and go like sit around a fire with no worries, maybe with like a big fat joint or something, in like the mountains somewhere, maybe with like some instruments too (for some reason my orchestra teacher gave to me today a score to the Grosse Fuge), just us, the fire, maybe some weed, some Beethoven, the sky, and each other, and together we'd unravel the mysteries of the universe and life, and have fun doing that.
I really hope I can find more friends like that in the future, a boyfriend like that might make me actually believe in God, because that'd just have to be a gift from Him, showing me the error of my ways, just some cute, fucking chill, awesome guy that I could also have sex with if I wanted to, I have a feeling that'd make me so happy...
And if I don't find just a few friends like that, or even one, someone a lot like my brother, as a matter of fact, I think I could still be happy.
One thing I want to do when I grow up and have freedom to do my own shit, is go for like some sort of hike every single weekend, just spending time outside in nature...
I've thought sometimes I might like someday to like spend a week or something hiking the entire Tonto Trail at the Grand Canyon, alone, or something...
Or with, again, a boyfriend, some friends, my bro, etc.
Ah, what a useless conjecture...