What do you want from me?

swimmerguy's picture

So so so, just got back from an orchestra trip.

How was it, you say?

Meh. Okay. It's a really weird trip, as timeline goes.
We left after school on Friday, drove all the way down to Oregon, stopping for dinner, then went to the hotel, spent the night there, then got up in the morning, went to this orchestra competition thing for most of the day, then left after dinner for home, got here about 1:30 AM, this morning, I guess...

And orchestra's fine, you know, I have nothing against string music.
Really, my main problem with string music, really my only one, is all the douchefaggery pomp and circumstance that surrounds the stuff.
I love Beethoven and his music, like I like Metallica, and Roger Waters, and Pink Floyd, and however many other bands.

But the thing about those other bands is that you can just listen to a tape of them, or go to a concert and listen to them there, but with classical music you have to put on good clothes and be silent.

In other words, classical music is definitely good (some of it), and I enjoy making it, but I fucking hate all the douchefaggery I have to go through that has nothing to do with the music...
Beethoven, you sexy man.

Which is why the best time I had on the trip was when me and a few friends skipped out on watching some other orchestras perform and went to Jack in the Box and Starbucks, then wandered around.

But forget all that, there was something much more important I wanted to talk about...
Unfortunately, the trip was also bad for another very different reason.
I discovered many members of the orchestra, especially the violins, are total and complete douchebag asswipes.
I'd never known most of them that well before, and this knowledge won't really change much, but still, I don't like it.

I'll explain how with a thought I had.

It seems like most people fit somewhere on a scale that I don't really know what to call.
Basically, on one end of the scale continuum, which might be called the independent clause, or Class A, there are people, usually religious, who care very much about things that I would argue don't matter, and who consider being "clean" and otherwise not just a virtue but indicative of the morality of someone.
The perfect example I can think of is Red Ribbon Week, which is basically a week where you can sign this poster that says "I will not do drugs or consume alcohol or cigarettes illegally".
And I remember I hated that, because whether or not I do drugs or alcohol or cigarettes is, to me, neither an issue of morality, nor something I ever need to promise another person. For example, I've decided I probably want to avoid doing cigarettes and meth, say, because, weighing all I know about those things, they're stupid and I don't think the benefits outweigh the consequences at all.
Alcohol, and perhaps sometime weed, though, have, in what I know about them, seemed that the benefits do outweigh the consequences, and I have no qualms about trying and then maybe using them responsibly, being careful not to go overboard.

But none of that is some moral or "goodness" decision, it's simply pragmatic weighing of the pros and cons, and what's more, it's a private decision, I don't want anyone else to tell me what I should and should not do to my body.

At the other end of the spectrum, Class B, or the dependent clause, there are people who basically decide that breaking rules=fun, and this includes people that drink until they throw up, people who go out and club, and things likewise.

I call them the independent and dependent clauses, because it seems to me, Class A people could exist without the existence of Class B people, their convictions are certainly strengthened by knowing that they're "better" than those dirty drug using stupid people.
But Class B people, I think, need Class A to exist, because basically their whole idea is that they're telling Class A to fuck off, the things they do are intentionally the things Class A doesn't do, because they've decided whatever Class A wants is no fun, and so therefore everything they don't want is fun.

Basically, there's a lot of Class B people in the orchestra. On the bus behind me, they were watching this video of them partying and doing drugs and shit and throwing up.
(I do want to say, though, that this isn't the main reason I don't like these people. I don't care what they like to do, I think it makes them a douchebag, but there are certain douchebags I actually enjoy the company of. I mainly dislike them because they're not just douchebags, they're mean douchebags, so they're basically disdainful of anyone even slightly more Class A than them...)

I think the answer lies somewhere closer to Class A than to Class B, although a lot of the time my actions appear to make me Class B...

Basically, I have no intrinsic problem with drugs or anything similar, nor disrespect the people who use them, necessarily.
But I think there are people who are mistaken in basically equating anything fucked up with being fun.

Like, I watched a documentary on drugs, there was a guy who would wander around clubs at night, alone, and do ecstasy, and he thought he was having some really good time.

But I think that's wrong. I don't think either you have to have a substance in your body to have fun, nor are you necessarily having fun if you have a substance in your body.
Basically, I tend to prefer Class A more than Class B, because while I think Class A is mistaken, I think you can augment your enjoyment of life through various substances and acts they avoid, I think they do still enjoy their life a lot, and feel good about it. Class B, I think, don't enjoy life as much, even if they think they do, and they're also killing themselves, and are basically stupid, and that while stupid things can augment experiences, I think true happiness comes from other sources, like mine comes from music, science, and most of all contemplation of the universe in general.

I'm totally failing at getting my point across...

Anyway, there have been times when I've considered joining our local Mormon Church. Not because I actually believe any of that shit, nor will I stop using profanity or any other more fucked up things I do, but I have a feeling having a strong Class A influence in my life would help keep me from getting hurt as I slowly experiment with Class B things like drugs, sex, etc.
Because I haven't always demonstrated that I can get those things right on the first try, usually I end up regretting them.

One more thing, I think part of the reason I really liked Pink Floyd The Wall as a movie was because it's against Class B hedonism, but it's not itself advocating Class A at all. It's more a call for sanity, returning to the middle of the continuum, saying Class B hedonism is stupid because it's empty, showing its flaws and how destructive it is.

So basically, I want to find the things that will make me truly happy, and be able to judge the experiences I want based on as much objectivity as I can get, avoiding stupid things and taking the good bits.
Like listening to Beethoven with a joint while staring at the sky. I think that's my dream.


stillgotlegs's picture

The majority in my orchestra

The majority in my orchestra are Class A. In my area, all the really fundamental churchies who hardly let their kids do anything think learning a classical instrument is 'wholesome', so I have to sit there whilst they debate whether women should have acess to contraception.

Class B people are crap too though. There's this viola guy who makes a point of swearing every second word just to annoy the churchies, and he's a douche.

As always, the middle is usually the best place to be. Smoking a joint and listening to classical music sounds fun.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

Tycoondashkid's picture

their was a orchestra in my school

keypoint being WAS i leave that up to interpretation
you should talk all the talk in a poets style