Lead Role in a Cage (why I think Mormons are hot :P)

swimmerguy's picture


Seriously, that gives me kinda a boner.

I've actually considered joining our nearby Mormon church. Not because I'd actually like start believing in God or thinking Joseph Smith was a prophet or something, nor stop jacking off, watching porn sometimes, drinking caffeine, using profanity or blasphemy, fucking when I can get it, nor making lewd references to my friends moms...

But partially because I think they are good people, most of them, even if I think they're a little weird; partly because hopefully they'd keep me from being too stupid with some things I've done, cause I have had mistakes and otherwise that were pretty bad, pretty stupid, and I continue to make them; and partly because it's just so sexy.

I mean, I feel that there is, deep down, some masochistic sexual arousal present in a lot of religions.
Like John Calvin, if you've ever heard of him, Lutheran churches follow him. His kinda theory thing was that mankind is inherently evil, from birth we're stained by original sin, and that basically there's nothing we can do about it. The only possible way to be saved is if you give penance and remorse for your inherent evil, God, in his infinite mercy, enters you in a sort of Salvation Lottery.
In other words, if you don't repent, you definitely go to hell.
But if you do, God randomly selects a certain number to be saved and go to heaven, and the rest go to hell. Those he select, it doesn't matter how good of people they are, or how bad, the only criteria for being entered in the Salvation Lottery is to repent, the rest is just chance.

Now, I hate Calvinism for several reasons, it's morbid, it's pathetic, and, I think, it's incredibly masochistic.
Sorta like Oh yeah, God, I'm such a bad human, I'm so stained by original sin. Now you have to save me. SAVE ME! SAVE ME, RIGHT UP THE ASS!
Or that's what it seems like to me.

But of course, Calvinism isn't nearly as sexy as Mormonism. I know a few Mormon boys, and it's just kinda like they're so pure, I'd just like to corrupt them.
Corruption sex is just so fucking sexy.
So that's like one of my life goals, find some cute, innocent, pure Mormon boy, and go fuck him (actually, "fuck with him" is probably more accurate, since I'm more of a bottom...) and corrupt him, and then we can go be corrupt together :P

That's just so sexy.

The only problem with that is that I'm used to having my Sundays wide open. To just throw church in there as something I need to go to, I think would just use up way too much of a beautiful day...

Hmmm... Maybe I will and maybe I won't.


javier's picture


This is so funny.

ferrets's picture

i want to go to the local mormon church with my friend...

if only to see if they are as ridicuolous and irrational as ive been led to believe. and becuase hanging out with me friend is cool of course

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

jeff's picture


Welcome back. Your absence was noticed.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Dracofangxxx's picture

God, Chad.

You'll probably take those poor Mormon boys home, loosen their lips with a nice grape soda, and then watch PG-13 rated comedy movies!

That's redick!

anarchist's picture

If that guy gives you a boner,

then Brad would make your penis explode because he's about negative a million times hotter than him (because that guy has negative hotness in my opinion.)
It seems that Calvinism contradicts Tenzin Gyatso's belief that all humans are pure and friendly in their most natural state. He says that, if humans are inherently angry, evil, horrible beings, then they would constantly be mean and angry to everything and everyone.
And if I had a Mormon boy in my house, I'd fucking give that guy a dragon tat. Yes, that is an inside joke, and yes, I will explain it to you, but only if you ask. (I don't feel like wasting my time on typing something that you won't care about.)

elph's picture

Would I enjoy a "dragon tat?"

I very much hope he accepts your offer... but you should be aware that he can be quite idiosyncratically discerning. If, however, he's really curious (as am I)... please enlighten him! :)

And... while you've got his attention... you might ask whence his knowledge of the reverence Lutherans (anti-Calvinists!) hold for John Calvin!

As for the beauty of Mormon boys... given a bit more maturity (say, six months)... I'm quite confident that that adjective will surely be discarded in favor of one a tad less limiting... or, more likely, CAG might be resurrected!

Now... tell us the latest Brad update. Any chance of phantasies soon becoming mortal?

anarchist's picture

You might enjoy a dragon tat

if being tied down and having a dildo violently shoved up your anus without lube is your thing. I think most people, including me, wouldn't enjoy one.

jeff's picture


Why no lube? It's not that expensive...

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

If Sadomasochism is not your "thing"...

...how did this subject ever arise?

I enquired strictly out of curiosity... not having the slightest inkling of the subject you had found to be so enthralling. :)

Nope... not me... not even if Jeff supplies the lube.

I might, however, suggest just a mild downgrading... maybe a vibrating dildo with a little KY? For you; not me!

Report back... but first, let us hear Brad's view.

anarchist's picture

It's from

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, or as my friends call it, "The Chick With the Dragon Tat".