Uncertain's picture

Life has really been up and down lately.

So over the Summer I saw my parents for the first time in two years. They were nice, my dad is still arrogant and immature and my mom is still naive. I miss them but I felt like these people never really knew me. I guess that could change, it would be nice to have a supportive family constantly there - but the cultural differences and the language barrier is just too much of a problem. They never will understand.

I've been reflecting a lot about my career. So I recently got offered an interview to summer clerk at the top law firm in New Zealand. It was really a huge milestone in my legal career considering I am only third year so I'm actually a year ahead. They only give out fourty a year, and most of them go to fourth year and fifth year students. It was strange, I was always a bit averse to the idea of corporate law, but they really wooed me. I went to their pre-interview function on Monday, and their office was the nicest thing I've ever seen. Seven levels of offices in the premier office complex in the city overlooking the harbour. Everyone was super friendly and I actually really enjoyed the atmosphere. I felt important, I felt exclusive that I made the cut. It was strange because there I am having a drink and a yarn with the top financial and corporate lawyers in the country, at one stage I even had a chat with the CEO. It was quite surreal. Obviously I want this job so bad - but then I started wondering whether this was the right path for me to go down. I have heard scary stories of overworking and there's always the potential of betraying my conscience. Thinking about it does make me nervous. No, don't think about it no.

Also there was a lot of drama with my company startup. Basically I got forced to give up all my shares, because we had to take on two investors and I hadn't been pulling my weight because I have seriously been so busy. It was rather hard, and at one stage I felt betrayed. Eventually I resigned as the director. I don't have anything to do with it anymore. Businesses and money can really damage friendships.

On the brighter side of things, I got awarded a Philosophy Scholarship by the university for being the top three philosophy students at the university. Also, my essay is also being nominated for the New Zealand legal philosophy prize, so that is exciting. I also recently won a business consulting competition run by Deloitte.

But above all else just super stressed lately. So on top of all that I have my six papers I do. I also have to organise public debates, and I have been calling MPs (similar to US congressmen) here and there which is also driving me nuts. I sort of had a burnout and I went to see the doctors actually wondering why I was so tired. They gave me a full body exam and they actually said I was perfectly healthy (they also gave me an STD check and everything came back clean). So I guess it's all psychological.

I feel like not having a boyfriend is allowing me to accomplish so much more this year. I would never have been able to do all of this last year. I also have a reasonably close group of gay friends I hang out with now. I thought this is really healthy as it really changed my perception of gay people - they are smart, committed, funny and hot. Unfortunately in the past I found that those things tend to be mutually exclusive when it comes to gay people I used to know - except my ex-boyfriend... which was why I was super distraught when he had to leave. But now I'm fine. I do miss him occasionally, but I'm moving on now.

Many other things have happened - or are happening. But I thought I'd stop here. I had so much on my mind and I finally found some time for a breather so I thought I'd jot them down.


angel syndrome's picture

So good to hear from you,

So good to hear from you, and congrats on the job offer! Make sure you don't lose yourself in corporate bullshit, though.

And boyfriends are lame! Hehe.

jeff's picture


As a founder of the company, it seems like there is an implied bargain that you would keep working there and that your previous allotment was given with that idea, but in any event, it doesn't seem like you should have had to give up ALL your shares, if you were part of the crucial rampup period and helped shape what is taking off. If it were to become successful, you should still get a taste. You should getting Saverined not Winklevossed. Surely some % had vested, no?

As for careers, path is the appropriate word, since just as in nature, all paths you go on eventually have forks, end, or don't necessarily need to be followed. The guy I profiled on Oasis before, Jay Kuo, is a lawyer writing a Broadway-bound musical, but he also just wrote a brief for a case to potentially be heard by SCOTUS on the side. Life can be pretty pliable.

As for your boyfriend status, from an outside perspective, that seems like something entirely in your control. When you want one, you'll have one.

Glad for the update, I know there had been questions raised as to whether you would ever post here again, etc. And if you do end up doing corporate law, you'll eventually find your way, if only for business, to NYC, so look me up when that happens!

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

hellonwheels's picture

good to know you're alive. I will

comment more later, or via PM. are you on facebook, max?


Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman