So sick of the hellhound. My mom and sister think he's perfect, but god I hate him so much. He shat on the carpet TWICE Saturday, one of those times being literally not 5 whole minutes after he got in from outside. I'm sick of stepping in shit and piss. If I had a cat inside who pissed and shat all over the carpet, I can guarantee you my mom would throw him out in a week... One of my cats pissed on my mom once, and she had nothing to do with him for ages after that. Oh, and hellhound shat on the carpet again yesterday. Ugh.
I told them, like, 8 times I can't stand the dog. Apparently, that makes me horrible. I'm sorry, but he shits everywhere and is not even cute. Good thing I'll only have to live with him for a year.
So, lately, I just can't stop thinking about things I would like to do in the future. Not necessarily the immediate future, more like 5-10 years from now, so after I've finished college. One day, what I'd like more than anything is to live somewhere HUGE. I can't stop thinking about how great that would be. Somewhere lively, somewhere with unlimited shit to do, maybe even somewhere full of pretty girls... Hehehe. People-watching is, like, one of my top hobbies, so that would kick ass there too!
I'm serious, though. This has been something I have wanted for pretty much my entire life. One of my earliest memories is being about 3 or 4 and telling my grandma I was gonna leave and go to big city world! Like, I can't accurately describe the place where I've grown up, but I want wherever I end up to be the total opposite. Maybe when I leave, I'll take pictures of this shithole and do a huge in-depth post about it and its surrounding areas. Maybe. You would have to see this shit to believe it. Crime and poverty are everywhere, and it's not even a big place. Every remotely nice thing we get closes or becomes shit within a few years. Everyone is either a total straight-out douchebag OR that irritating, fake kind of nice. I honestly don't know which is worse. I almost hate going on vacations and trips because of how completely and utterly crushed I am to have to come back "home."
I'm so grateful to be more than likely moving to Nashville this summer because trust me when I say anything is better than here, but... Ultimately, I want somewhere even bigger than Nashville.
You know, if I can afford it, I am honestly thinking about not even going to college in Tennessee, but rather, like a private college somewhere far away. Like... Somewhere up north. Yeah? To be honest, I always wanted to go up there, even when I was little. Now I am definitely not Harvard material, or anything like that, but I'm not that bad of a student, really the only blemish on my record is organic chemistry. (I am getting closer to passing! All of us are! 60s instead of 50s! Yesss!) Maybe I can get some scholarships to some place up there? I doubt I can afford it, but I'm just throwing it out there. Don't laugh!
I wouldn't be mad if I had to go in Tennessee, but I don't want to if it's possible not to, you know? The only person I've ever even mentioned this to is my mom. I feel kind of embarrassed discussing my future plans because I have this fear that everyone will think they're stupid or unattainable. My mom doesn't think it's stupid, but I know my dad will. I think I would feel bad, though, because I don't feel like I'm worth thousands of dollars.
Hey, how many colleges does a normal person apply to? I have friends who applied to one and friends who applied to what seems like zillions, so I have no idea.
I didn't go to school today. I just didn't feel like it, I couldn't sleep last night, and I rarely ever miss school anyway. My stomach kinda hurt for a while too.
I spent most of the day cleaning out my room to prepare for moving. I found my childhood favorite toy, a little plush tiger named Rex. He's, uh, he's seen better days, that's for sure. He's probably what, 10-12 years old now? One of my friends had a white one, and they'd always go on adventures together! Then she turned into a massively holier-than-thou bitch and moved to St. Louis. Good riddance.
It was FCG's birthday today. She is 19... When I met her, she was 16. Damn, the last three years sure have flown by. I kind of wish she was still around here, but even if she was, we could never be together, not with me moving to Tennessee AND considering going to college far away. I hate that I still think about her sometimes, but I probably will continue that until I get out of here because there are daily reminders here.
I really have to start working on my stupid paper tomorrow... Ugh.