Still not inspired enough for a title.

radiosilence95's picture

If Rick Santorum wins the election, I'm moving to Canada. If Mitt Romney wins the election, I'm moving to Canada. Really I'm just hoping Obama will get re-elected. Four years of zero progress is better than four years of Santorum's radical campaign against homosexuality or Mitt Romney's partiality to the rich. God damn, what is this? A high school election? I guess our country will be forever doomed to be run by idiots. We've been the laughingstock of the world for so long. And I completely understand why.

If I sound uneducated about politics, I'm sorry. But I cringe whenever the topic of politics comes up. I just...don't like it. I don't fully understand anything government-related, and frankly I don't want to. The only time I get involved in that shit is when I face-palm while watching the news or see articles on the internet.

So, today was...interesting. After telling Brittany about Amber firmly believing she was bi, I just kinda bluntly asked her if she was. And her response...Well, she stumbled over her words for awhile, flailed in a sea of broken sentences, and finally spit out, "'s kinda a long story,"

Huh. Wonder what that could possibly mean? Did she experiment for awhile and figure out she was straight? Or is she still questioning her sexuality? I honestly have no idea how to interpret her response. I guess maybe, despite all the stumbling and tripping, a no still means no. Maybe I'm just foolishly clinging to the possibility that she's bisexual because I want to be able to interpret her stares and her giggles and her compliments as signs that there's a chance for us.

Honestly, I was hoping for a clear-cut answer. An obvious, straightforward no would be better than an ambiguous one. Because now I'm driving myself insane with the possibilities. Now that today's events have occurred, my idiot brain is adamant that the littlest signs I've collected over the months, things that could easily be explained in other ways, all mean that she has a crush on me. But...that just can't be. So why do I keep hanging on to that just because of an ambiguous answer to a harmless question?

Damn it. Fuck you brain. Just fuck you.

I went to my school's talent show this weekend. It was super awesome. Our school's jazz band is just amazing. And all of the comedy skits were hilarious. My only complaint is that the jazz band performed a couple times too many. Seriously, it was half of the show. A bit more variety. Otherwise, it was fantastic. A crew member who does sound and light for the stage put on a really cool light show.

So, my Antigone project. Guess who didn't do it? I'm scaring myself because of how lazy I've gotten. I don't ever have much homework, but when I do, I have a really hard time doing it. Let's hope that next year kicks me in the ass so I don't have to struggle with this in college. I'm just gonna write a shitty poem for AP English and hope for the best. I need to get it in gear.

This stupid slutty sophomore I sit next to in Chemistry finally got what was coming to her. First of all, she ALWAYS talks to her dude friend about ALL of her sexual shenanigans. IN EXPLICIT DETAIL. Bitch, I do not want to hear about how much you love black dick when I'm trying to balance an equation. But lately it's gotten ridiculous. She thinks that just because she's two days late for her period she's pregnant. And she's been telling anyone who will listen that she's pregnant, even though there's been no test or no proof.

One day in class she said rather loudly, "Well, we had sex after two days of dating. He said I couldn't get pregnant even if he didn't wear a condom as long as he pulls out. But then I looked it up afterwards and it turns out you can get pregnant cuz a bit of sperm slips out." *cue grating slut giggle*

Euch. What an attention whore.

And finally my friend who sits at our table just snapped at her. Telling her to shut the fuck up, that nobody wants to hear about her whore drama. It was awesome. You had to be there. I high-fived her after her rant. But if I have to hear about it again, I will be the one to say something. Talk about it whenever you want, just not in the middle of class when everyone can hear you. She's just begging for attention.

Most girls actually disgust me. Or get on my nerves. How I can be a lesbian when I'm surrounded by sluts/bitches like her is beyond me.

The world needs more Brittanys. Just sayin'.


Tycoondashkid's picture

i would love

to see your face if she was bi AND likes you, you know nudge, nudge, wink, wink ;)

radiosilence95's picture

Haha. Well, one can only

Haha. Well, one can only hope. But I feel like a fool for hoping. If she really liked me, I would think she would have said something by now. Unless she's just scared and/or shy...

Tycoondashkid's picture


loves a fickle beast ain't it, we may never know

Dracofangxxx's picture


If it's not an immediate, yeah, I'm straight, BUT LOL I TOTALLY MADE OUT WITH CHICKS THIS ONE TIME THINKING I WAS GAY... or something, then there's something funky going on in there ;) <3 Because it seems like your state is mostly anti-gay, so I'd not expect her to have that kind of pressure like she might in more forward states.

Get her to tell you the "long story"!
That's redick!

Tycoondashkid's picture



radiosilence95's picture

But there is a possibility

But there is a possibility that she maybe messed around, then realized that she's just not into girls. That could be it. Maybe she was just embarrassed or flustered.

I just...not knowing is killing me right now. And what sucks is that the bell was about to ring so I couldn't get that long story out of her. I guess I could ask tomorrow, but...I don't wanna annoy her or make her feel uncomfortable.

radiosilence95's picture

Update. Because I don't wanna write another journal.

So, I brought it up again today. She didn't go into explicit detail, but she said basically that though she is sure she's attracted to guys, she also finds girls attractive. She said she's just not sure about her orientation. I asked if she's ever dated a girl before. She said no.

So simply put, her sexuality is up in the air. I've come to the conclusion that she is mostly straight, but strays into gayness too. So bisexual, basically, but not the clear-cut 50/50 kind. Which means there's a glimmer of hope to be found!

The thing is, she told me not to tell anyone. Which leads me to believe that for some reason she's embarrassed or ashamed, even though she's totally accepting of gay people. I don't understand. She's talked about it with her boyfriend, and he's fine with it, whatever "it" may be.

I still have more questions, but I'm not going to push. I really wanted to ask her if she would ever consider dating a girl. Hehe. But that would totally blow my cover.

So, I am pretty damn happy.

jeff's picture


It's easy to plant a seed without it being creepy...

A simple, "Oh, sure, you tell me this when you're already *in* a relationship with someone..." with a nice smile puts things out there sufficiently.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

radiosilence95's picture

Yes. I think now that I have

Yes. I think now that I have this information, I can subtly let her know I'm interested. It certainly won't hurt anything. Problem is, subtlety never was my strong point...

Tycoondashkid's picture

im going to give

you the same advice Rainbow gave me:
play your strengths
cuddle/huggle/snuggle into her
rest your head on her shoulders
nudge up to her
whisper to her sometimes
and try to get hand to hand contact after doing the above for 3 weeks
if she does not get it after 1 and a half months whisper "i like you alot britnney" in her ear

radiosilence95's picture

Well, those would all be

Well, those would all be fine, but she's not a very touchy feely person. Plus snuggling and resting my head on her shoulders and nudging just seem blatantly obvious, and I don't wanna touch her all the time if it makes her uncomfortable.

Right now, I'm just trying to be as sweet as possible. I've never really flirted with anyone.

Tycoondashkid's picture

Rainbow isn't touchy feely either

how about you try to get near her verbally call her hot see what happens

Dracofangxxx's picture

Hey, I'm not often touchy feely to girls I'm into.

I mostly don't want to creep them out and think I'm flirting with them when I have a boyfriend!... GUESS WHO ALSO CAN FIT THAT MOLD...

and also she seems kinda reluctant about liking girls too, so maybe that's PART of it. Like she doesn't want to accept it perhaps?
That's redick!