Super Duck and the Hellhound

Super Duck's picture

So, my mom got the brat child a dog. A dachshund. I don't really like little dogs. One of my mom's exes had the PERFECT dog. He was, like, this giant brown husky/collie mix kinda thing. He was so sweet. I want a dog like that. A huge, fluffy dog. I'm not much of a dog person, but I love certain kinds. Dog smell kind of gets to me, though... So I dunno. The giant dog was precious, though. I would have to keep the dog outside most of the time, I think.

This dog, however, is an asshole. He yaps at everything for hours on end and shits/pisses everywhere in the house but does nothing when you take him outside to do his business. My (outside) kitten is beyond terrified of him. I hate seeing my baby all bristled and scared like that. Also, it sucks how this dog who shits everywhere lives in the house while my kitten isn't even allowed inside. Only one of my cats ever gets to come inside, and that's only sometimes. Apparently it's gross when they shed, but dog shit is totally cool. Get this: He even sleeps in the bed with them. A dog who shits everywhere sleeps with them, but... My cats are gross. Huh. Now, I don't know if it's just because I was totally smitten with FCG, who constantly left long, curly blonde hairs all over everything, or maybe because I myself shed lots of long dark hairs, but I think hair, whether it be from people or animals, is a lot less gross than shit. Just saying.

Brat dropped Little Cat, my kitten, the other day. She was holding him and walking around, and he was starting to get annoyed, so I suggested she hand him to me. She yelled, "NOOOOO!" and tore him away from me, and he fell and ran off, terrified. I didn't even see him again for 2 days. I was so fucking pissed. She tried to blame it on me and then started hitting me like she always does. And I just snapped. I reached over and just socked that bitch right in the shoulder. Now, I can't hurt much. I mean, I have absolutely no muscle mass whatsoever. But still, she started screaming and crying like I'd ripped her arm off or some such bullshit. She hits me three times as hard every day. Oh, and she also told a bunch of my dad's friends that she "hates it when I beat her" LOUDLY in a restaurant. Lovely.

Today, my mom and sister left me alone with the hellhound. I just know since tomorrow's Easter, they'll leave me alone with him again when they go to church, and I'm dreading it like you wouldn't believe. I've never HATED having the house to myself. That's always my favorite, but I can't enjoy it when I've got 5 straight hours of yapping and whimpering to deal with. I don't like it when he follows me everywhere or all the gross noises he makes or when he shits on the bottom of the table legs. I just don't like that. It gets to me. At one point, I called my mom, crying and telling her that I just can't deal with him anymore. Guess what her reaction was? She started screaming and bitching, totally unable to understand the fact that some people just don't like dogs all that much, and she said she couldn't stand me "more than ever in my entire life." What on Earth did I do? I didn't abuse the dog. I took him outside 3 times and made sure he didn't get into anything he wasn't supposed to.

I just can't handle the constant yapping, the constant need for attention, and the shit on the floor. I couldn't do anything today because I had to watch him. I couldn't spend time with any of my cats, I couldn't pick up any last minute Easter stuff, I couldn't even take the thing jogging with me because it's a small dog, so I missed out on my exercise today, and I've been trying to exercise every day. All that coupled with the simple fact that I am just not much of a dog person, and I think it's totally easy to see how I might have gotten a little upset.

Brat basically said she hoped my cats starved to death...

I think if I were an animal, I would be a cat. Yes, I would be a little tortoiseshell cat with big green eyes and white patches and a super fluffy tail. I would be a cat because cats hate 99.99999% of people, and they interact with you on their own time. I too hate 99.99999% of people, and I can only handle most people in small doses. And even though kitties hate almost everyone, if they do like you, then sometimes they can be super cuddly! Dude, I can see it now. I would be this adorably irresistible kitty, and I would go up to super hot girls and cuddle with them, biting anyone else who tried to touch me.

I dunno, I've just always kind of identified with cats. Not in, like, an "I'm a cat trapped in a teenage girl body" kind of way, but in, like, an appreciation of how they're independent and usually quiet and sort-of-aloof-but-not-really kind of way because that's totally me right there. Plus, they're the pretty much the epitome of cute, and I like cute things.

Which animal would you guys be? Cat? Dog? Lion? Platypus? Something else entirely?


Dracofangxxx's picture


but yeah I'm sorry about the dog, that sounds pretty horrible o___o
That's redick!

Super Duck's picture

It is, especially because no

It is, especially because no one else can see what a demon dog this is.

Tycoondashkid's picture

Labrador, i love labs ;_;

i hate most little dogs my mum got one for my little brother who is pretty much exactly the same as your sister i do mean that, a Spaniel called Jess who took a Piss on my McKenzie Jacket that cost £70 and was fucking rare
not all small dogs are bad Lhasa Apso's are calm as fuck and are cat like.

your left alone with the dog today? anyone smell Barbeque?

Super Duck's picture

Damn, that sucks. If this

Damn, that sucks. If this thing ever pees on my stuff... Oh my god, I don't even know.

Hahaha, I'm not sure how that would taste... I thought about offering him to my friend whose dog just died, but my friend's dog was a big dog, so I dunno how he'd feel about a small, yappy one.

Tycoondashkid's picture

offer it to an enemay

and i swear to god if it does you may just kill it

jeff's picture


Is an enemay someone you dislike, but to whom you still give enemas?

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

Tycoondashkid's picture


its ay man ayh yah hate

Tycoondashkid's picture


its a gut at you hate

Tycoondashkid's picture


a punishment would be using the dog as an enema

Super Duck's picture

Hahaha! That made my day!

Hahaha! That made my day! Thank you, I needed that.

MaddieJoy's picture


I love how small and wild they are

Super Duck's picture

Ocelots are so cute! They're

Ocelots are so cute! They're like little mini leopards.

Yamamoto's picture

I would just kick that dog

I would just kick that dog every time it messed with my cat, or barked to much, or shit in the house... I mean it sounds like a very annoying dog that needs a good kick :P

Oh and he next time your told to wacth it... just don't wacth it... let it outside or somthing... seriously it sounds like one of those fuck whatever happens kinds of things, becuase as you can tell... I don't like yappy dogs ethier.

Tycoondashkid's picture


because her mum & sister wont kill her for kicking it :P

Super Duck's picture

God, I want to. I want to so

God, I want to. I want to so bad. I'd get totally killed, though. It's the most irritating dog I've ever had the displeasure of being around.

stillgotlegs's picture

Isn't there a room in the

Isn't there a room in the house you can... lock it in? Then get let it out 10 minutes before your family gets back and pretend you've been playing with it all that time.

The whole situation sounds really crappy.

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

Super Duck's picture

Tried that.

It SCREAMS. It screams like it's some abominable creature emerging from the depths of Satan's asshole.

Tycoondashkid's picture

put a gag ball in its mouth :D


Super Duck's picture

That would involve touching

That would involve touching it.

Tycoondashkid's picture

maybe just put it outside

and let it in when your family returns

stillgotlegs's picture

Jesus Christ.

Why do your family like this dog again?

I know exactly the type you mean, we used to live next door to one. Luckily it bit someone, so it was put down... wanna train it to bite people? Last resort, I know.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

Super Duck's picture

Because they think it's

Because they think it's cute, and it seems to only unleash its wrath upon me. The thing hates me. (Maybe I really am a cat...) The dog is docile with them, although it still pisses and shits in the house sometimes, but as soon as I'm put in charge of it, it goes insane. It has only screamed at them once, but it screamed at me for a solid hour without stopping yesterday, not to mention its general yapping and other obnoxious noises.

Lehcure's picture

You could always get a long

You could always get a long leash and tie it to a tree in your backyard or something when you're home alone with it. Maybe.
'I'm a cat trapped in a teenager girl body' .. about died laughing!
I love lions, so ..lion. I can already rawr

Super Duck's picture

I should definitely try

I should definitely try that. Knowing my luck, though, it'll chew through the leash or some shit. Ugh.

I love lions! They're my favorite big cat.

Yamamoto's picture

Who cares what they do...

Who cares what they do... the fact that they care nothing for your feelings when it comes to your own pets, and letting them in the house, plus your feelings towards this animal shows that they don't deserve your respect in this manner anyway. Plus the tieing it up outside seems like a great idea anyway... :P

Trust me I used to have a dog that was like this... let's just say he learned not to scream for very long (That is alot less bad than it sounds :P )

Though your sister sounds like a immature person. My advice would be to try and get that dog to bark all night too... immature people like that are usally not willing to handle animals that do that.

Plus I would refuse to take care of it for her... again if you don't enable... that animal will quickly be gone :D Self experiance on this. :P

Tycoondashkid's picture



Super Duck's picture

Yeah, I really wish they

Yeah, I really wish they were nicer about the cats. I don't see why I can't at least have a cat sleep in my room. There isn't even any carpet in here.

My sister is really immature, but she's a also a little kid (9 years old) and I just don't think she's old enough to handle having a pet of her very own unless it's, like, a fish or something. I had some pets when I was little, but they were really more of a family thing than "my" pet. I didn't get my very own pet until the year I turned 13.

I have already flat out refused to have any part in taking care of this dog. I hope it works.