Well, It's a Martian.

radiosilence95's picture

I had plans with Brittany tonight, but she got out of work late and my curfew is at eleven, so we'd only have an hour to hang out. She invited me to her house and everything. I freaked out, did and redid my hair several times, and changed my outfit once or twice all for nothing. I know it's stupid to get so worked up over something as simple as that, but that's me for you. It's okay though. We may hang out tomorrow if I get back from Springfield early enough, or maybe perhaps Sunday. The tiniest part of me is somewhat relieved because the idea of meeting her family was making me nervous. Which is SO STUPID. It's not like I'm gonna walk in the doorway and her dad's gonna ask me, "What are your intentions with my daughter?" or something.

I'm just proud of myself because I didn't crumble into pieces of devastated teenager or crawl beneath my covers and wonder, in a fit of broken sobs, why she hates me so much.

This whole week of health class has been a joke. Some crazy Catholic lady spoke to us for two days about STDs. Which would have been fine, except her Catholicism was showing the whole time. For some reason she seems to believe that getting married as a virgin automatically saves you from getting STDs. Bullshit. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're completely safe.

She took everything to such ridiculous extremes. She even said we should consider refraining from KISSING to protect ourselves. Basically her whole philosophy is that you're either a shameless slut or you're a strictly abstinent angel. No middle ground. Having sex will ruin your reputation, give you herpes, break your heart, and you WILL, without a shadow of a doubt, die alone with sores all over your body. What an idiot. People like her drive me insane.

The reason our birthrate is higher among teens than in any other country is not because we're all sinning sex fiends, but because nobody bothers to educate American teens about being smart when it comes to protection. Guys don't know how to wear condoms and girls don't know when they can get pregnant because all of our schools are teaching abstinence instead of smart sex like we're in the 19th century or something. So annoying.

Okay, I know it seems like I'm obsessed with Brittany (obsessed is such a distasteful term. I prefer the phrase "strongly attached to."). But I actually have noticed a couple of other attractive girls, who are of course seniors. Brittany's good friend and an acquaintance of mine who works on the paper with us, Jess. She's adorable and pretty and she has a great sense of humor. Then there's Jess's friend Emily, who is a huge chemistry nerd and strikes me as being maybe perhaps bisexual. So while these are the smallest of crushes and are not nearly as strong as my "strong attachment" to Brittany, at least you now know that I am capable of noticing other girls.

Also, Rob Zombie's wife is super hot. Not adorable or pretty, but hot. Sexy. Know the difference. She oozes sex. I watched a bunch of Rob Zombie's music videos, and she's in a lot of 'em. Marilyn Manson's ex...wife, I think?...Dita Von Teese is mega sexy. Maybe they only dated for a long time; I don't remember. But she doesn't just ooze sex--she IS sex. I love Marilyn Manson and everything, but how he could ever get a girl like that is beyond me.

A day of clothes shopping in my great state's capital tomorrow. This could be either fairly enjoyable or absolutely miserable, depending on everybody's mood and the weather conditions. I'mma buy a bunch of crap I don't need. That's essentially what shopping is.


anarchist's picture

Brad asked me to go to his swim meet.

After I said that I don't know if I'd be able to go, he said that he was kidding. Funny that he didn't say it in a jocular manner or even smile or anything. Anyway, my point is neither of us can see our loves. Forever alone together!
And I've already met Brad's family: his mother. I think he's an only child and he never sees his father (due to work hours and his swimming team), so that's it.
The only reason I haven't had any attraction to other guys I know is there are no other hot guys here. Just Brad. Everybody else is ugly. The closest place I know where everybody's hot is Annapolis. So many attractive people there.
Enough about me. Good for you, having plans with your crush (jelly, jelly, jelly). I hope you get to see her over the weekend (even though I'd be more jelly). I was just thinking about the irony that Brittany's father would be asking you about your intentions if you were a guy. I hate the assumption that everybody's straight. I see it too often on the internet.
Don't waste your time and energy calling idiots idiots. They can't change; it's who they are, and nothing will make them hide that. And when you start using logic to try and argue with conservative trolls is when you've already lost by giving them attention, which is all they want.

jeff's picture


Brad invited you to watch him half naked, wet, and in a Speedo... and you refused?

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

Yeah... there is that one imponderable...

But I focused on this one... which, on the surface, seems quite inexplicable:

Why should Brad make such an attractive invitation... with full intention of later volunteering, "Oh, I was just kidding!"?

I hope that anarchist's telling may have omitted some explanatory justification.

Otherwise, I can only conclude: The invitation was both cynical and cruel.

I very much hope this is an invalid interpretation...

anarchist's picture

He asked me to go after his friend refused.

And he didn't say anything about not being serious to his friend. So I don't know.

Tycoondashkid's picture


you refused a chance to see a guy who your crushing over, almost completely naked (if you were lucky you could have seen him naked) who you think has the perfect body?

my mind is so full of fuck right now

anarchist's picture

I didn't know if I was going to do something today

and I can't drive, so I'd have to ask my parents, and they'd think "why do you want to see your friend swimming?" It would be a lot easier if they knew.

MacAvity's picture


You could just want to support your friend at his sports event because that's what friends do, nothing to do with seeing him naked? Seems like that's the most likely way your parents would see it....

Tycoondashkid's picture

listen to mac

shes right

Dracofangxxx's picture


Sorry your plans got dumped :( at least you got over the nervousness and asked though! High five for that!
That's redick!

radiosilence95's picture

Wow. I got excited about

Wow. I got excited about seeing nine new comments. Too bad they were all focused on Brad.

Also, to reclaim this thread, an update: Since Brittany was under the impression that we were hanging out Friday night, she went ahead and made plans with her boyfriend for tonight. She said we would hang out if he flaked on her--which, by the way, she said was very likely, which gives me the impression that he flakes on her often--but he didn't, and she has to do a big project tomorrow, so no Brittany this weekend.

I'm not upset though, just a bit disappointed. She promised we'd hang out soon.

anarchist's picture

I was surprised, too.

I was expecting the replies to my comment to be about the other stuff I wrote. I thought nobody here gives a fuck about Brad except elph and tycoondashkid.

elph's picture

Actually... it's not just the two of us!

In a sense, we're just in the cheering group...

I'm quite confident there is at least one other Oasie who's also attempting to navigate the unmarked, and seemingly very precarious bf "minefield"... a situation quite analogous to yours!

Please help each other!

Tycoondashkid's picture

fine then

when you turn down the chance to see Brittney almost naked and possibly even completely naked we'll be shocked for you

radiosilence95's picture

Psh. Like I would ever do

Psh. Like I would ever do that. Just save the Brad talk for anarchist's journals. Sheesh.