Critiques?

Tycoondashkid's picture

2 new poems:
Best Laid Plans:
http://tycoondasher.deviantart.com/art/Best-Laid-Plans-302640854?q=galle...

Slipping Away:
http://tycoondasher.deviantart.com/art/Slipping-Away-302880588?q=gallery...

I would really love Some Opinions and Critiques, Thanks

nothing else at all at the Moment :(

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

Critique

'Best laid Plans" I think you were a little redundant with the word 'Fail'. A poem doesn't necessarily have to rhyme, however, there are many words that do rhyme with fail. You just have to find the one's that fit into your theme. Good content, though.
'Slipping Away' again your theme was good. If your going to use song lyrics in a poem, you should use quotation marks. Nice choice of song lyrics. 'More than a Feeling' is a great song. I've used lyrics before in a previous poem. I put the lyrics in quotation just below the title and above the first stanza of the poem.

Tycoondashkid's picture

thanks

Best Laid Plans - about the Fail bit, i was just trying to experiment with a new style, i think it wasn't me, thanks though, i always think that all my poems are bad after i make them

Slipping Away - i was giving a nod there, although the few lines i used were the best choice in all forms at the time

thanks for the Critique :)

actually if you want ive got all my poems (spare 1 or 2 i lost) on here http://tycoondasher.deviantart.com/gallery/36530775

have you got any poems online? i'd love to read them :)

Bosemaster42's picture

I used to.

I had four poems on Poetry.com. However, I believe the website is defunct. The last time I tried to access it, it was gone. I have paper copies of these. I'll send them to you privately when I get home(i'm working right now).
Two of them are pretty dark and I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm suicidal because I had a friend read both and they were like" Seriously, are you ok?"
I didn't win any money prizes,but I did get the editor's choice award which was nothing more than a big card you can frame. I posted Wheel of Thoughts on a journal entry here. I wrote it about six months ago and it's been collecting dust on my memory stick since. Hope you enjoy it. You know, i never know if my poems are good until I get feedback on them. The key is to write and edit them as best as you can.

Tycoondashkid's picture

you should try DeviantART

its quite a good site if you know how to use it

Bosemaster42's picture

DeviantArt

I've actually been looking for another website to post some of my work on. After what happened with Poetry.com I wanted to find a sit that would be around for more than a couple of years. I'm not familiar with DeviantArt, however, i think I may post what i have and anything new i come up with there. Thanks!

Tycoondashkid's picture

you should

it won't be taken down its very popular, would you link me to your account when you make one?

Bosemaster42's picture

I Will.

Yeah, if I can figure it out, but I may shoot you a message for Help!

Tycoondashkid's picture

its ok

do you need any help right now?

Bosemaster42's picture

Ill let you know

I'm just on here briefly, in fact, I have to go out after I write this to pick up some food. I probably be back on tonight. I created an account on deviantart, now I have to play with it a little(wink, wink) to get used to it, I'll let you know if or when I run into problems. Thanks, though.

Tycoondashkid's picture

ok, don't worry

dA is quite easy to use

this is my my account http://tycoondasher.deviantart.com/ just press the watch button at the Top Right, KEEP friend ticked and then ill do they same :)