So it's been more than 12 hours...I'm aware of that.
I would apologize, say I'm sorry, and guilt myself into feeling terribly for my failures. But I am not going to. There's nothing that I should feel sorry for, in relation to journaling/not-journaling on here.
There are two unrelated topics about which I'd like to write. But they don't really fit nicely together, so I'll pick one and then do another one as a separate journal entry.
I believe that there is absolutely no connection or correlation or anything between sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. They have absolutely nothing in common and are not nearly related in any manner whatsoever.
I spoke the other day with my therapist about these two subjects: sexual orientation and gender.
I've tried to avoid this subject as much as possible because I'm embarrassed and confused, which adds to the embarrassment, I guess.
I've hid this for all too long. I don't know my sexual orientation.
I really want to say more but I just don't know how. I still feel so weird about it all.
What I will say, however, is that on my Fb profile, the one in which I am not out (aka I'm a female, with birth name and female pronouns), I have the following:
Interested in: Women
I don't know if I feel the same still. But I don't want to take this out and then lose the queer visibility because I feel like having that there helps others who may identify as lgbtqa* etc. just knowing that there is someone else (me) out there and that the other person is not alone. So I don't know.
If I take out the "Sex: Female" then I am afraid that there will be ripple effects, such as: people congratulating me on coming out (those who know about my gender-y stuff), people asking why I took that info off...or there's the thing that no one will read into it as much as me and so none of this will matter.
But, I don't know. And if I take down the "Interested In: Women" part, then I'm afraid to be assumed to be straight (not there is anything wrong with being straight, but I'm not straight).
And I don't want guys coming after me, looking for a relationship.
Well, I don't know that I should keep writing. I'm afraid to come out....even on here. :(