Hey You, asshole

swimmerguy's picture

Fucking damn, really. So, so, so, guys, earlier today I was sitting around and doing basically nothing.
I was like, well, before I go upstairs and do nothing, I'd better get some exercise, cause I've only gotten a little, you know, I walk home every day, and that's maybe 2, 3 miles, but that's not that much really.

So I went on the trampoline in our backyard. We've had that thing about as long as I've been alive... And it hardly gets used anymore, just sits there, kinda sad really, like the sign of my past childhood.
I mean, not that incredibly sad, cause yeah, my brother and friends we used to jump on that trampoline with are gone, but I'm still here, and I'm still sexy, and that's fucking awesome, right?

Well so I was doing various shit for like half an hour, when I decided, hey, I'll resurrect that old childhood trick, flips! I haven't done one of those in so long, maybe 5 years.
So it takes a second to build up the courage, and then I did it. It's kinda freaky, how the world turns around, and it looks like you're going to fall off the trampoline, but you don't, you're fine.
I did like 4 or 5, and it was still freaky.
I was like, okay, I'll do a few more until it isn't as freaky :P

Then I do one more, and the world comes around and all of a sudden the bar of the trampoline's there, and then my mouth is smashing into it...
As I bounced back, I knew instantly, instantly, that I just wasn't going to shake this off, it was bad. I didn't know exactly what I'd done, but at least no teeth appeared to be gone...

Anyway, I just think it's kinda ironic I did this for years as a little kid with no problems, and then the first couple times I did this in years, and I nearly kill myself.
I'll spare you the boredom of what commenced afterward, but the upshot is 11 stitches, 5 for a cut on my chin, and 6 for a thing where my tooth went through my lip (Hehe, I remember seeing my tooth through my lip and the little flaps of skin for the first time and just going like SHIT FUCK CUNTFACED BASTARD ASSHOLE FUCKER).
A tetanus shot, cause the bar was metal, and then I have a chipped tooth, and then another tooth where the bracket for my braces was smashed off, and the tooth was bent backwards.

We had an emergency orthodontist appointment to take off that bracket, and he put in a new wire, and told me to deal with a crooked tooth for about a week.
That has to be the worst fucking part, honestly.
Okay, stitches, I can handle. Sure, they look like shit, but at least it won't matter if I get any zits for the next week. And stitches aren't exactly like zits either. A hugely bad zit, when you have one, is annoying cause I can tell people are always fixating on it when they look at me, I rarely have that problem anymore, but sometimes.
But these stitches, sure, maybe they're the focus of my face, but at least they make me look like a badass, and that's fine with me.

But this crooked tooth, honestly? I already just got a new wire in, to replace the one that got bent in the collision, which means my teeth will be hurting, all of them. Then I have the stitches which make it hard to open my mouth.
But all that I'd be able to deal with if I didn't have this fucking crooked tooth, which makes it hard for me, and painful, to bite down. I'm gonna lose a lot of weight over the next week.

At least, I guess, I'll have a reason to eat a lot the week after this.

This really is kinda a first world problem. I'm not really that stressed about it, it'll just add a bit of, excitement say, an injection of adrenaline into my usual boring ass schedule, over the next week.
It'll be fun :P


Dracofangxxx's picture



like I just saw you today and your face was all un-fucked up! XD

man, you just lost your chance at getting all the bitches, dude. Glad you're okay though!! We should hang this weekend or something to make it feel better!! <3
That's redick!

Tycoondashkid's picture


Before you said you hit the trampoline, i imagined you doing the flips hitting the fence with you knee and being all Peter Griffon with it

hey Shelby, he can get different bitches now, some bitches like scars

elph's picture

Yeah... This fits with my image...

(of you)... always willing to take that calculated risk!

A most impressive feat... that just happened to turn out not so well!

But, thankfully... repairs will surely be successful... albeit leaving you a bit lighter... but with a renewed warranty! :)

This should evoke heartfelt commiserations from CAG (or, current stand-in) at school this morning. Use them wisely!

As for frightening away (Draco's) bitches... will you notice?

On that chipped tooth: probably not an immediate priority... but be sure to heed the best advice from your orthodontist!

Bosemaster42's picture

Now that's using your head.

Ouch! Sounds like you drifted off-course while flipping. I'm sorry to hear about your tooth/teeth though. I'll bet it was still a lot of fun minus the face plant. Several years ago, while playing floor hockey, I went down to block a shot and smashed one of my front teeth. I did block it,however, the other guy's stick hit me square in the teeth. I went to rinse my mouth out with water,at the same time spitting out pieces of the broken tooth. What a shock! The nerve was exposed, it felt like I was being stabbed in the brain. Nothing's worse than losing a chicklet and now i have a fake one,but you can't tell.

jeff's picture


Ugh, hopefully you get a sexy scar out of it...

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Dracofangxxx's picture

kinda looks like an evil goatee right now, heh.

That's redick!

Tycoondashkid's picture

does that mean

he can stroke it when he thinks? XD

elph's picture

I'm envious...

You got to see! Any chance of documenting... surreptitiously, of course?

MacAvity's picture