Madam, I'm Adam

radiosilence95's picture

School is over as of Friday and I am happy but also not happy. Summer is always boring after awhile. I had my AP English exam and I think I did okay, but I'm not too sure about my essays. We had to write three essays in two hours and I finished forty minutes early because I didn't know what else to say. We had to explain the rhetorical strategies JFK utilized in a speech about a spike in steel prices during Vietnam, and I had no fucking idea what to write. Not a good feeling. But other than that, I was content with how I did.

I found these really awesome shirts:

And I really wanted to buy the one that says "Legalize Love," but when I asked my mom she said no and that was that. No discussion about why or anything. I told her I have money to pay her back. She said it was because of the website's name in small print on the shirt, which, as I told her, I could easily cover up. I'm just gonna ask my dad. Or maybe I'll just swipe her debit card and leave her money for it. I don't know. It just pisses me off because it feels like her rejecting my sexuality.

My friend Judd and I discovered this amazingly gorgeous creek really close to my house. We waded in it and let the minnows nibble our toes and took pictures. It's great, like our own little paradise. I plan on inviting Brittany to explore it with me. I really, really miss her already, which is not good. Monday cannot come quickly enough. I do worry about Monday, because my friend Haylee is coming and I don't want her talking the whole time like she usually does or hogging Brittany's attention. When Brittany went last Monday Haylee wasn't there so I had her all to myself basically. God damn it, I am so petty. I love Haylee to death, but...I dunno.

I traveled two hours from my town to a bowling tournament to compete for a scholarship and I totally blew it. My highest game was a 157, which is awful. All six games altogether I only bowled an 823. That's an average of 138 per game. Ugh. Horrible. Blew my chance there. Ah well.

I had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed that Brittany, Judd, and I were sitting at this huge table with a bunch of people I've never seen before, mostly teenagers. I suddenly put my head on Brittany's shoulder and she shied away and was all NO JENNA DON'T DO THAT THAT'S WEIRD, except she didn't yell of course. And then I was trying to tell her a funny story but these other kids kept distracting her and finally she just got up and went off with them somewhere WHILE I WAS TALKING. And I kept calling her name but she still ignored me. What a shitty dream.


Tycoondashkid's picture

about the shirts

if you have the money to leave your mum, then why can't you buy the shirts?

radiosilence95's picture

Because the name of the site

Because the name of the site is "fckh8" which she knows is short for fuck hate and she does not approve of such profanity, apparently. The "fckh8" logo appears on the shirt, but it's very small and barely noticeable and I could easily cover it up.

But sometimes I wonder if it's something more than that, if it's all about me wearing a shirt that shows my pride.

Tycoondashkid's picture

maybe she is uncomfortable with it

i can't really see another reason as you said its small and easily coverable, where is it on the shirt?, if its on the bottom, back or low sides it can hid easily.

radiosilence95's picture

It's towards the bottom,

It's towards the bottom, right underneath the word "love." Thing is, even if I did pay her back after stealing her debit card, she'd still be super pissed. I might even be grounded or something, which means no phone or no Monday night dinner with friends, which means no contact with Brittany.

Tycoondashkid's picture


Do you have a Credit/Debit card? i don't know about America but they are relatively easy to get in Britain, although legal age things too

you know we can have sex, drink and smoke legally while younger than you (Sex at 16, Smoking/Drinking at 18) lot, maybe Credit Cards in that pile too

have you asked your dad?

radiosilence95's picture

I tried to get a debit card,

I tried to get a debit card, but my bank only allows debit cards if you're eighteen or older, which is so stupid.

I thought about asking my dad, but I haven't really come out to him yet. He might not even ask what the shirt looks like. I dunno.

Tycoondashkid's picture

i checked the website

as long as you don't look REALLY stupid like the people on the Borders do, well does your dad pay attention to stuff like that? is he wary or is just like mmmhm mmmhm mmmhm here now go away?

radiosilence95's picture

He has this thing about gay

He has this thing about gay guys. Always calling them fags and queers and shit. I don't think he'd mind at all if he knew, in fact judging by what my counselor has said, he probably already has a pretty good idea that I'm gay. He's not very wary, he just tends to let me do whatever as long as it doesn't bother him.

I dunno. I'll ask him next time I go to his house and just see what happens.

Tycoondashkid's picture

so he has a double standard

Gay Guys are Fags but Lesbians are cool?

so try and politley do it while NOT standing between him and the TV, the exact same thing would happen if you stand Between a Hippo and Water IT WILL CHARGE YOU DOWN XD

but seriously just be careful ad Sutle

elph's picture


I had a great time at your future college this past weekend! I really hope you get admitted with scholarships+ :)

radiosilence95's picture

Oh, so you visited your

Oh, so you visited your great nephew. It really is a nice place, so quiet and small and comfortable! I plan on submitting a folder of my poetry for a scholarship, and right now there really are no available scholarships for juniors, so I have to wait until I'm a senior to start applying.

elph's picture


PM follows.