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radiosilence95's picture

You know how Monday is dinner with friends night, and how Brittany is coming with us from now on? Well she didn't come last night because she thought we did this on Sundays and by the time I texted her and asked her if she was going she had already eaten dinner. So now I have to wait another week to see this girl. And on top of that, my friend Haylee, who is the funniest of the bunch and could've really cheered me up, didn't show up. AND my friend's obnoxious little sister decided to come and bring her on-and-off boyfriend with her. AND my friend Judd's annoying acquaintance also showed up. I don't even LIKE any of those particular people. So dinner last night was boring and sad and not anywhere near fun.

Brittany and I got into a long conversation through text about her graduating and our plans for the future and shit. She confided in me about how badly she wants to be free from her parents, how her whole family drives her crazy. I wonder sometimes how much they hold her back. And then she told me that she bawled her eyes out during her very last band concert, and I said, "You are a very emotional person, aren't you? You're so adorable."

Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. I didn't even realize how obvious that was until after I sent the message. And I was obvious again when she talked about how awesome it would be if we ended up at the same college and I said, "Ohmygosh Brittany, we could be roommates! I would love that!"

I have dropped so many hints, both accidental and intentional, that it would really surprise me if she DIDN'T know I liked her. I mean, when a lesbian calls you adorable and shares with you her poetry and blushes whenever she's around you and hangs on to every last word you say then yeah, it's pretty obvious.

This is bad. I miss her soooooooo much. I know I've already said this before, but I do.

Comments

jeff's picture

Umm...

Do not become roommates with her until she knows you want more than a friendship. That is a recipe for unrequited disaster.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

How so?

It's not like I'll try anything.

Tycoondashkid's picture

my guess is it could

be awkward for her or she may snap and turn on you

jeff's picture

Uhh...

An entire semester or more lusting after your straight roommate? That sounds completely awful and could potentially prevent you from progressing to finding receptive people to date, etc. You know, like actual LGBT people?

It's like starting college with an anchor from high school tied around your waist.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

Actually, she's bi. So, as

Actually, she's bi. So, as bad as this probably is, I haven't entirely given up hope yet. I think I could handle it. I think. Maybe by the time college begins the feelings will be somewhat stale. That's a little over a year from now, after all. A lot could happen between now and then.

And, even if the feelings are still there, this college has a considerable population of LGBT students. Once I meet someone, all the feelings could be pushed aside and her and I can be close friends without any issue.

Tycoondashkid's picture

wait

I though her being bi was only a asumption? Has she said she is?

radiosilence95's picture

When I asked her, she

When I asked her, she stuttered a lot and hesitated. If she wasn't bi, she would've just said no. And she said her sexuality is "up in the air," which basically means yes, although she probably leans towards men. I think her devoutly Lutheran family is preventing her from dating any girls or exploring her sexuality further. Which is tragic.

Tycoondashkid's picture

that might mean something else

She could be Questioning or Confused or maybe even gay and in hiding

radiosilence95's picture

Questioning, maybe. But not

Questioning, maybe. But not completely gay. She has a boyfriend whom she's been dating for over a year now. And when we had this conversation, she told me she knew she definitely liked guys. So it's safe to say she's either questioning or bi. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Tycoondashkid's picture

yeah

Still awkward, you know what would make her idea perfect? If she was just like you and secretly had a crush on you and became your friend to get near you, you know you but her, if she told you she liked you i bet you would give out a Squee so loud i would be able to hear

radiosilence95's picture

It's funny you should

It's funny you should mention that, because I literally fantasize about that ALL THE TIME. Me confessing that I like her and her admitting she felt the same, like soap-opera style.

"Brittany, there's something that I've been wanting to say...I've had a crush on you since the beginning of the school year. You've stolen my heart, darling."
*We passionately embrace*
"Oh, Jenna! I've felt the same way about you! I wanted to say something, but I was just so scared..."
"Ssshhh. I know, baby. Now that the confessions are out of the way, let's go do some awesome couple stuff."
"Oh! Kiss me, you fool!"

And then we kiss and maybe perhaps get married. Yeah. Perfect.

Tycoondashkid's picture

lol

"lets go do some awesome couple stuff" that quote is so awesome

jeff's picture

Uhh...

Bi is worse! A straight person you have a crush on rejecting you is sort of the only option, but a bi person you have a crush on rejecting you is making a choice!

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

Weeeeellll...

Not necessarily. You can't help who you are and are not attracted to. Let's say I go ahead with the big reveal and tell her I'm interested and I get rejected. Would I be upset? Of course I would. I might even be a bit overdramatic about it for awhile. But I don't think I'd take it too personally. If she's not attracted to me, she's not attracted to me. Attraction is beyond our control.

jeff's picture

Heh...

I was in that situation before, my current gay best friend was a former major crush, but it took A LOT of work and time to get through that. Not sure I would have wanted to do it all with him in the same room.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

True. Ah, well. We might not

True. Ah, well. We might not even end up going to the same college, she just said she's interested and then we started making plans. College still seems so far away, I have no idea what will happen before I graduate.

Plus, if this all did really happen, I would be much too focused on my studies probably. Students at this college seem to be really pushed in their education.

MacAvity's picture

Yeah...

Don't be roommates with a secret crush. That's just not a good idea.

radiosilence95's picture

What's weird is that she was

What's weird is that she was so extremely receptive to the idea. I mean, if she knows I like her, wouldn't she be a bit more uncomfortable with the idea? Maybe she's still oblivious, though I don't see how. Huh. Very puzzling.

It probably won't really happen. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows.

jeff's picture

Ironically...

The person with the potential to be most uncomfortable here is you, but you don't want to see it that way. ;-)

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

radiosilence95's picture

No, I don't. Damn it Jeff,

No, I don't. Damn it Jeff, stop being right all the time!