Super Duck and the Post Full of NOPE

Super Duck's picture

I haven't had a very good week. On Friday, my mom invited over some weekend guests without telling me until about an hour before they got here. They weren't bad or anything, it's just I find playing hostess to be pretty much the most draining thing ever. Having people over also made my eating schedule go off track, so I pretty much felt fat and tired for about three days. Let me tell you, that's a horrible combination when you go shopping and the shoe store girl is totally cute. We took our guests to some downtown shops, and while we were in the shoe store, my mom said I needed new shoes, but I felt fat and the shoe store girl was super cute, so I didn't get any shoes. My mom was mad.

Also, I learned a very valuable lesson on Monday night. You see, I love terrible movies. Love 'em. I love cheesiness, I love bad special effects, I love movies that are so bad they're good. I am also oddly fascinated by dictators and zombies. I found a movie that seemed to encompass all of these. I was horribly wrong. HORRIBLY! There was this movie about, like, zombie Nazis in Antarctica or some shit, and it seemed like one of those low-budget, cheesy, wonderfully horrible movies, so I rented it because it was a dollar and I am a total idiot. This goes in the top ten most horrible mistakes of my life. I made it about 20 minutes in before I had to stop because the zombie Nazis or whatever skinned a dude alive. NOPE. That is not a thing you want to see on a full stomach, especially when you just ate strawberries with tons of red juice. Nope, nope, nope, gonna gag just thinking about it. I legit screamed, "NOPE!" and turned it off and immediately put in something else just to make sure the image was gone. It's weird because I have a selectively strong stomach. My favorite show is South Park in all its cartoon grotesqueness, I can read all sorts of nasty shit, and there are definitely some gory movies I can watch just fine, just apparently NOT that one.

Anyway, so, I'm not sure which traumatized me more, the first 20 minutes of that movie, or the dream I had about good old FCG a few days ago. In my dream, I spot FCG and go over to her. We say hi to each other, and, by the way, I'm a total idiot in this dream, so idiot me tries to hug her, but she pushes me off and says I can't because she's changed. Dream Me is an idiot, right, so I'm confused and ask her what that means, and she says it means we can't ever be friends again. We're in, like, this park, so she goes and sits on a bench, and I go sit with her. Because this idiot version of myself hasn't gotten the hint yet, I try to play with her hair the way she always likes, but she slaps my hand away and gets mad and says she's decided to go back to how she was when we first met.

That is a scary dream because I really think it was the universe's way of telling me that the FCG thing is way past over, and I shouldn't try to be friends with her again if I see her around town this summer. She totally did go back to her dumb old ways. She says all kinds of mindbogglingly stupid shit on the internet now, stuff her 16-year-old self would have been totally proud of. Her posts can be so dumb that they embarrass ME! I'll sit there and stare at my screen and cry on the inside because I totally almost dated that girl. Did you know that when people use paper bags instead of plastic, dirty liberal hippies take over America? Neither did I! Thank you for that lovely nugget of sparkling intellect, FCG. I am 99.9999% sure she is not being facetious because, well, she's FCG. I didn't like her for her brainpower, that's for sure. That girl is pretty much as dumb as she is cute. I don't hate FCG, I think she is totally precious, but I have known her for three years, and I can't think of a single intelligent thing I ever remember her saying. Literally ever. I bet she's crushing on Sarah Palin again. I freaking bet.

FCG, why didn't you become a model like that other girl I liked? She never posts pure, undiluted dumbfuckery on the internet, she just looks really good in short shorts.


Tycoondashkid's picture


I like sadism twll me

here Super Duck we have a B-Movie in every single shop in Britain im not sure if you have it in America, it seems like America would not allow it in, wait for it Ozambie its a zombified Osama Bin Laden

Super Duck's picture

Why don't I just link you to

Why don't I just link you to the trailer and let it speak for itself... Here you go.

Oh my god, that movie would be so totally banned in America! Hahaha! I've never heard of it here.

Tycoondashkid's picture


c'mon Zombie 9/11 that would never pass the American Sensors XD heres a link to the trailer

i think we got it because 1. 9/11 wasn't here and 2. Both Scotland and England both had Terrorist attacks (no matter how unsuccesful the Glasgow Airport attack was)

radiosilence95's picture


I didn't know FCG was a moron. I don't think I could ever be madly attracted to a girl who's...well, not very smart. So props to you for that :P

Super Duck's picture

Yeah, she's kind of dumb. I

Yeah, she's kind of dumb. I probably would have admitted that even in tenth grade. It didn't really bother me, though, because she was cute and weirdly charming and, well, FCG-ish.