THE PERFECT FUCKING CHANCE!

Tycoondashkid's picture

BLOWN! today i had 2 exams History General and Credit, we got a hour 20 minute break inbetween them, i was alone with Iain no one around AND I BLEW THE PERFECT FUCKING CHANCE! i never told him god im an idiot.

and oh yeah last day of School too, so ive already moved out, i currently live a town thats 25 miles away, BTW thats actually worse than it sounds 2 roads from here to Haddington exist 1 through very hilly terrain that takes a very long time and a major road through Edinburgh, so i either go through Boo Hoo fucking Egypt or the Capital with thousands of cars on the most important road in Scotland, so im stuck and its a 4 hour bus ride due to the traffic and population of the area, so im stuck.

ive got so many conflicting feelings and emotions that its making me physically sick, im not joking, im immune to most forms of food poising so its not that.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

Awww...

Well. What else can you do but move on? There are probably plenty of hot guys to obsess over in your new town, right?

Tycoondashkid's picture

nothing

NO, everyone is either really young as in their pre-teens or really old as in 60+

radiosilence95's picture

I don't believe that. There

I don't believe that. There is a high school in this town, no? Unless you intend on being home schooled. Which means there will be teenaged boys. And also girls. Because you're bi, yes?

Tycoondashkid's picture

yes im bi

there is a primary school, the high school is down at Queensferry another town, most Scottish areas have one Highschool (with exceptions of remote towns like Aberfeldy and big cities like Glasgow and Edinburgh) but that one High School is statistically Better than most high schools in America (thats actually true) so they have one MASSIVE high school thats top quality instead of many that are shit, but they are primary schools everywhere as its easier to make them great.

im seriously not Joking, they will be more eventually the Towns vastly growing very fast, at this rate it will not be a Town but Rather a District of Edinburgh itself

Actually its Located in the Concilate of Mid Lothian which was recently Renamed the Counciled Great City of Edinburgh, which lead to a large Expansion of the cities lines causing alot of villages to be swallowed up, im actually surprised Glasgow is still bigger

jeff's picture

Jeez...

It would seem so wrong to not be able to find a gay kid at Queen's Fairy.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tycoondashkid's picture

there will be but

younger than me and either closeted or not knowing

humorous word play ha ha

anarchist's picture

Ha!

Tycoondashkid's picture

i don't see you doing any better

INFACT from what you said i came closer to him than you have ever been with anyone

anarchist's picture

It's sad that that's true.

Besides, it won't be true by the end of this weekend. I'm working on a school project with someone in my class. And I agreed with this other guy at my school who also makes EDM to make a collaboration song sometime.
Unfortunately neither of those people are Brad. But still. I'm going to be alone with people. So your statement will be incorrect then.

Tycoondashkid's picture

HA

ive been closer than THAT my point is very correct

jeff's picture

But really...

The point still eludes me. You doubt he's gay, doubt he would be interested, so I'm still unclear what you are unburdening yourself about by telling him. Good practice perhaps, since you're mitigating the risk with you two being apart right after, but still...

If there can be no upside, it seems there should be no downside to not following through.

So, had everything gone right, he'd know, probably not know exactly what to say about it in real time, so not say much of anything, he's crap at staying in touch, and now you're far apart.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Tycoondashkid's picture

im not entirly sure what he is

ive settled on bi but mostly attracted to girls, he seemed to be a little homoerotic at times with me :S

and i can't really explain why

anarchist's picture

Nobody is as crap at staying in touch as Brad

because he doesn't use the internet and the only way he can communicate over long distances is on the phone, which he never uses because he spends almost every single minute of his time swimming.

Tycoondashkid's picture

Iain is exactly the same way

except the swimming he prefers trying to learn every musical instrument in existence and getting beat up by his cat

anarchist's picture

I knew someone like that.

Last time we spoke, he could play like 20 instruments. I can play about 3.

Tycoondashkid's picture

Iain can play 12

hes can play them but can't actually make his own music if you know what i mean, he can play music but can't make his own

anarchist's picture

That guy I'm going to collaborate is really good at composition

and I'm really good at sound design. That's why we decided to collaborate. We already make good stuff alone, so we're going to make a fucking sick song together.

Tycoondashkid's picture

so its basically a feat.

Iain once did a Collaboration with another one of my friends Vlad they did a couple songs Vlad was singing so it came out in a Russian accent

its amazing that we all understand that better than a English one

elph's picture

Ask Brad...

"Is it too late for me to even approach being a swimmer as good as you?"

If he really likes you and would like to be near you more frequently, I'd be very surprised if he didn't offer to check out all of your potentials...

Don't reject any offer!

Join him if he even hints... I think you're both tongue-tied... as is the fate of most youthful gays of quality!

It's relatively straight forward if sex is all you want; but to admit your affection for another boy is so much more difficult! :(

anarchist's picture

I've put off this response for too long.

I usually never get around to these things. Anyway, here it is. I didn't feel like making a journal for it, so I'll just post it here because your comment is relevant.
Brad's been really confusing lately. His mood and attitude just fluctuates erratically; sometimes he's rude and completely uninterested in anything I say to him, and other times he's listening to everything I say, completely interested in it and responding positively. But it's unpredictable. He'll be mean to me one minute and a good friend the next. I don't know why he does that or what it means. And it just started recently, like a month or two ago, but it's gotten worse in the past couple of weeks.

elph's picture

You've described a paradox...

possibly even a schizophrenic. Not actually having observed Brad when he's rude, erratic, mean (hurtful?), seemingly oblivious... or just the opposite of all these, I cannot independently say that your assessment is totally unbiased.

However, what does come through quite clearly: You would very much like to be accepted by him as a quite special friend. But he provides only the barest of hints that he may wish the same from you.

I can truly sympathize with the roller coaster emotions he's managed to provoke in you with such ambivalent signaling.

It could be that you're being a bit over-critical... only a possibility; I've not been a "fly on the wall" and don't know "beans" about the actual interpersonal dynamics between you and Brad.

****

Ask yourself... Do you think Brad may also have complaints about how you treat him? A possibility? If so, this'd mean that he cares. Again... I have no way of knowing...

Try this: The next time things between you and Brad seem to be going awry, just blurt out, "Brad... I think of us as friends... possibly great friends... so, why do you sometimes say/do things that seem so hurtful... or, maybe, this is not your intention at all?"

It's been a long time since I've engaged in teen-teen conversation... but I do recall that it's not easy to bare ones emotions so openly...

But... I wish you luck.