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Mogul's picture

I'm so lost here that many things happened:
I went to Medellin and met with a few old friends and one of them was with some guy from Florida, he was always trying to impress me and I flirt a little.

Dad got hospitalized until yesterday and when I visited him, he got in quarentine and I had to stay in some neighbor house until someone could get me home and watch for me.

Today I was with the psychologist and we talked about my life and that my parents were cruel and compared me to a circus elephant that gets tied for 2 weeks without food and a little bit of water being hit every day until he obeys plus gets his moral broken and said that I'm the elephant whose moral was broken because nobody helped me (and the elephant) while my parents were bar with me and that they were the first ones to exclude me so I realized why I like to be alone most of the time and why pain feels good sometimes and it's because the pain got normal and when it's gone I start missing it and that I punish myself to get it back.

I'm comming out to my dad and idk if my plan is good, it's going to be something like going for something or maybe ice cream (the 2 of us) and saying "Dad I'm gay!" in a random moment.
Any advice?


jeff's picture


There's no good way to come out, really. A lot of people spend time crafting some perfect moment, or scenario, and honestly, it doesn't matter. I'd suggest not when he's driving maybe? But otherwise, whenever is fine. Because when you finally say "I'm gay," all of that setup and planning just disappeared, and all he'll remember if the "I'm gay" part, so best to just focus on that.

Beyond that, there are some better ways to tell him than others:
- Tell him in a way that shows you are happy. Your delivery will help him know how to react. So, make a good thing, you're happy, secure that you're gay, and just want him to know since you want to maintain a good relationship with him. If you tell him like you were diagnosed with cancer, you're more likely to get concern and him questioning if you're sure, etc.
- Do it in a place where you can easily talk afterward, for as long as he may need. Do you want to talk about being gay in an ice cream shop? So, I'd consider venue for that element.
- When you come out, you may switch roles. You may have to be the parent. You are telling him reality, how things are, and he has to adjust to that. Which is not how things typically have worked. Similarly, keep in mind, you came out over time, built yourself up, and have decided this was the right moment. He is hearing this blind. So, if he never suspected, he may say dumb stuff. "Are you sure? Have you ever slept with... I didn't raise you to..." and this is where you have to remember that you are the parent, and let him have a bit of a tantrum. It is natural to slip into your normal roles and yell back when he challenges you, but try not to. Let him talk through it. Again, he has had this information for 10 seconds, so don't start challenging him on stupid things. Let him vent and adjust. If he has questions, answer them. Tell him how you figured it out, and whatever.
- Keep reinforcing the important parts: You are telling him because he's an important part of your life, and you want him to stay there. You love him. You will always need his support. You need him to know because you don't want to lie to him.

That's my advice (or trolling, as it is also known)...

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

Meow's picture

This seems to be very, very

This seems to be very, very sound advice.
*takes notes*

elph's picture

I never had the opportunity...

...while I still had my parents... I didn't know! :(

But... my suggestion is to speak with him in private... but wait for that moment after which he has just proudly complimented you for something... anything!

I think that'll work. Be respectful... a few of your silent tears indicating your extreme emotional relief wouldn't hurt. I'm betting he'll give you a rib-crushing embrace...

Oh, yes... I nearly forgot something quite important: Do not apologize! You are who you are... not by choice or through any personal failing!

Good luck!